Nine Inch Nails quote...
I am so dirty on the inside
I am so dirty on the inside
I am so dirty on the inside...
Well, up to typing Chapter 5 of my story...Only got about 10 more chapters to go, not even counting the one I'm still currently writing. THIS is why, people, you should not procrastinate for A YEAR!
I think there's something wrong with me that my mom wants to pick apart. It's been, what, a couple weeks since I told her I have an eating disorder and I still don't have the help that if I don't get soon, I think I will relapse again. Not only that, she's been picking at me lately. First it was an arguement about food, me joking around saying I was tired of meat and going to go vegetarian and her saying, "Well, you'd have to give up steak!" and I told her I was perfectly fine with that and then her saying that she would never be able to give it up and I remarked, not rudely, that it's not really of a difficult thing to do and before I knew it, she had said, "Well, you gave up food." Pissed off, I spat, "Umm, NO. I sat down at dinner with this family every night, didn't I?!" And she didn't say anything because she knew I was right, so as I was walking back to my room I said to her, "Yeah, that's what I thought."
Then another incident happened yesterday. We have a mail holder thingie and Gary's pen fell at the bottom of one of the holders and the bottom is really small. Well he said that he couldn't get it, so he said he needed someone with thin fingers to get it. My mom looks at me and says, "Go ahead, boney." Do I fucking look boney to you. NO. The only thing that's boney are my wrists. What the FUCK?! WHY is she attacking me?! And these haven't been the only times lately that she's said stuff to me. When I talked to Ali about it in Italian and Sarah about it in Biology, they both agreed that my mom is possibly jealous of me. Why, I don't know, but I guess maybe she is. Plus, she's been so bitchy and harsh to me lately. I almost cried last night before bed because of the way she was talking to me and I'm near tears now. I don't know how much more I can take.
Knee pain again today. Worse than before.
I feel restless, insecure and fat. Yep, that about sums up everything.
P.S. On my History essay I got a 95%. And my grade is now an 89%. I should be happy, but I feel like shit because of my mom.
P.P.S. Dessert Theater letter are supposed to go out Friday. I forgot to add something before about the day I came home after auditions and I told my mom, with excitement, how I was basically told I was in, that my mom just said, "Oh." Yep. No "good job" no "well done" no "5 months paid off". N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
I am seriously about to lose my MIND. I cannot take this constant abuse. It's like being with my goddamn father all over again. I can'twill break if I go through that again.
I am so dirty on the inside
I am so dirty on the inside...
Well, up to typing Chapter 5 of my story...Only got about 10 more chapters to go, not even counting the one I'm still currently writing. THIS is why, people, you should not procrastinate for A YEAR!
I think there's something wrong with me that my mom wants to pick apart. It's been, what, a couple weeks since I told her I have an eating disorder and I still don't have the help that if I don't get soon, I think I will relapse again. Not only that, she's been picking at me lately. First it was an arguement about food, me joking around saying I was tired of meat and going to go vegetarian and her saying, "Well, you'd have to give up steak!" and I told her I was perfectly fine with that and then her saying that she would never be able to give it up and I remarked, not rudely, that it's not really of a difficult thing to do and before I knew it, she had said, "Well, you gave up food." Pissed off, I spat, "Umm, NO. I sat down at dinner with this family every night, didn't I?!" And she didn't say anything because she knew I was right, so as I was walking back to my room I said to her, "Yeah, that's what I thought."
Then another incident happened yesterday. We have a mail holder thingie and Gary's pen fell at the bottom of one of the holders and the bottom is really small. Well he said that he couldn't get it, so he said he needed someone with thin fingers to get it. My mom looks at me and says, "Go ahead, boney." Do I fucking look boney to you. NO. The only thing that's boney are my wrists. What the FUCK?! WHY is she attacking me?! And these haven't been the only times lately that she's said stuff to me. When I talked to Ali about it in Italian and Sarah about it in Biology, they both agreed that my mom is possibly jealous of me. Why, I don't know, but I guess maybe she is. Plus, she's been so bitchy and harsh to me lately. I almost cried last night before bed because of the way she was talking to me and I'm near tears now. I don't know how much more I can take.
Knee pain again today. Worse than before.
I feel restless, insecure and fat. Yep, that about sums up everything.
P.S. On my History essay I got a 95%. And my grade is now an 89%. I should be happy, but I feel like shit because of my mom.
P.P.S. Dessert Theater letter are supposed to go out Friday. I forgot to add something before about the day I came home after auditions and I told my mom, with excitement, how I was basically told I was in, that my mom just said, "Oh." Yep. No "good job" no "well done" no "5 months paid off". N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
I am seriously about to lose my MIND. I cannot take this constant abuse. It's like being with my goddamn father all over again. I can'twill break if I go through that again.