(no subject)
man oh man livejournal its been so long. I have gone through a lot and a lot has changed with me since we have conversed. No need to catch up lets just get back into it.
Things lately have been weird since i started blazing. i just dont feel right and when i wake up and the high eventually wears off i find myself depressed. i plan on stoping soon i just gotta time it right with shows and for jackie. Its also draining my pocket and thats really pissing me off having to borrow 20 bucks from my mom again. ive been fine for the time i quit blazing, never was broke once but now i blaze and im broke by wed/thurs and i get paid on saturdays. on a good note, my father says i can get into that job in the union for the summer so i have to quit soon anyways.
Im alittle nervous about this job with my father. Its tough work and im going in blindfolded. Thats just how i feel about the job itself... the rest of the facts make it so much worse... The distance, finding a place to live, whats going to happen with jackie, how would we maintain the relationship if im working and sleeping litteraly all the time compared to like 75% of my time now. Just a lot to think about there but its an opportunity i cannot say no to. Much time needed being around my father and its a much needed work change.
Things with jackie have been rocky lately. I dont know what to think anymore. I hate arguing and i hate when she uses her anger. It brings out my anger which then makes it worse cause ive held it in for years and its worked till now. When i get really pissed now i tend to have outbursts which seem the only way to feel better. Our fights always end up not even being about what started it and its so frustrating. I tend to worry about trying to always end in a good note cause you never know when it could be the last. I think about her so much and try to show her that but its very different with her. Its tough cause i care too much about her. When i say care too much i mean i care more about her than she does me. She even said it when i first asked her out, she was like well you already like me a lot so this is kinda weird. I just hope thats not the case these days.
Well i guess thats all for now. I got a lot on my mind and i could keep going but for now im tired as hell and im gunna take a shower then pass out.
Things lately have been weird since i started blazing. i just dont feel right and when i wake up and the high eventually wears off i find myself depressed. i plan on stoping soon i just gotta time it right with shows and for jackie. Its also draining my pocket and thats really pissing me off having to borrow 20 bucks from my mom again. ive been fine for the time i quit blazing, never was broke once but now i blaze and im broke by wed/thurs and i get paid on saturdays. on a good note, my father says i can get into that job in the union for the summer so i have to quit soon anyways.
Im alittle nervous about this job with my father. Its tough work and im going in blindfolded. Thats just how i feel about the job itself... the rest of the facts make it so much worse... The distance, finding a place to live, whats going to happen with jackie, how would we maintain the relationship if im working and sleeping litteraly all the time compared to like 75% of my time now. Just a lot to think about there but its an opportunity i cannot say no to. Much time needed being around my father and its a much needed work change.
Things with jackie have been rocky lately. I dont know what to think anymore. I hate arguing and i hate when she uses her anger. It brings out my anger which then makes it worse cause ive held it in for years and its worked till now. When i get really pissed now i tend to have outbursts which seem the only way to feel better. Our fights always end up not even being about what started it and its so frustrating. I tend to worry about trying to always end in a good note cause you never know when it could be the last. I think about her so much and try to show her that but its very different with her. Its tough cause i care too much about her. When i say care too much i mean i care more about her than she does me. She even said it when i first asked her out, she was like well you already like me a lot so this is kinda weird. I just hope thats not the case these days.
Well i guess thats all for now. I got a lot on my mind and i could keep going but for now im tired as hell and im gunna take a shower then pass out.