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::smiles:: thats the first smile today...hmm maybe cuz its something Chris just said tryin tah cheer meeh up! well i havent wrote in this thing fer a while..its not that i've been TO busy its that i wasnt BORED enough and obiously i am since i have been online 6 hours already today =/ Hmmmm, the question of the day is.."Whats Wrong" well here is muh responce,
it's hard 2 answer tha question..
"whats wrong?"..when nothings right..
*NeWayz* I talked to Melissa tonite...that was kinda wierd =/ Its been almost a week since we last talked...i mean in IMs of course i get the daily e-mails on how her life is...but its not the same, im a lil worried...i dunno maybe im just stupid. I spent the night at Lexi's friday night oh wow was that weird/crazee...I really love her new kitty *Hayze* Awww she's so adorable :]I'm worried bout Alexis tho...she has been cutting alot lately and i dunno i felt so stupid cuz all i did over there was cry and it was like fer no reason most of the time. I did cry because i could tell Alexis was hurting and i couldnt do anything about it and stupid me didnt have the guts to tell her i loved her and she meant soo much to me and i hated to see her hurt the way she hurt :/ I'm such a stupid person... i am never afriad to say anything to anyone normally but that night i just COULDNT say what i wanted to say to her.. i feel like a failure like a no good friend. I am a bad friend =/ what the hell was i thinkin' i FEEL like a no good friend, thats only cuz i am...but life goes on ::sighs:: most of the time its does anyway ;x I feel rella horrible today though and I'm in like a volerable mood like if someone came over and said lets go rob a bank i would be like ok? and on a normal do i would say hell no im not that stupid ;/ Grrrrr what the hell is wrong w/me? Alexis said i seem distant today and in a way i feel like im being distant because when im in the moods i am in right now i always seem to piss EVERYONE off and if i really tell them whats on my mind, i get in trouble so i am being short and sweet today so that i dont fuck everything ^ like i normally do. Ex: Melissa asked me "whats wrong" and i said "nothing" well if i would of told her the truth about how i can not get myself to close to her because in the end i will end up hurt...or that i am being short w/her because i am scared...or that im horrible because her boyfriend is makin' her pick between me n him? and i feel like its all my fault and i *hate* causing other people problems then she would be pissed at me and then i would be fightin w/her. So i am being distant w/ alot of people today not just you Alexis, if you are readin this which you prolly are..but hopefully not! It's weird thought because i had 3 people tell me they were sorry today, and are now "friends" agian. 1)Kevin 2)Wally 3)Chris....which all have either lost my trust/hurt me in there own little ways... im a very forgiving person so of course i TRY to not hold that agianst them but it always come to my mind everytime i talk to them =/ In a way i think its cuz its one of them dayz where you coulda kicked the shyt outta me and cut me down and stole from me and did anything possible to hurt me and i STILL would of forgave you because im like felling volerable.. i dunno like on a normal day i woulda been the biggest bitch and be SUPER stubborn and hold you to EVERY word you had sad or everything you DID and not give up on how i feel.... i guess it was a good day fer the 3 of them tah ask mah forgivness today. Well im outtie..goin tah play badmitten *yay*...beats sitting here and writing in this thang ;x TtyL... MaDd LoVe,
AshTrash /=
it's hard 2 answer tha question..
"whats wrong?"..when nothings right..
*NeWayz* I talked to Melissa tonite...that was kinda wierd =/ Its been almost a week since we last talked...i mean in IMs of course i get the daily e-mails on how her life is...but its not the same, im a lil worried...i dunno maybe im just stupid. I spent the night at Lexi's friday night oh wow was that weird/crazee...I really love her new kitty *Hayze* Awww she's so adorable :]I'm worried bout Alexis tho...she has been cutting alot lately and i dunno i felt so stupid cuz all i did over there was cry and it was like fer no reason most of the time. I did cry because i could tell Alexis was hurting and i couldnt do anything about it and stupid me didnt have the guts to tell her i loved her and she meant soo much to me and i hated to see her hurt the way she hurt :/ I'm such a stupid person... i am never afriad to say anything to anyone normally but that night i just COULDNT say what i wanted to say to her.. i feel like a failure like a no good friend. I am a bad friend =/ what the hell was i thinkin' i FEEL like a no good friend, thats only cuz i am...but life goes on ::sighs:: most of the time its does anyway ;x I feel rella horrible today though and I'm in like a volerable mood like if someone came over and said lets go rob a bank i would be like ok? and on a normal do i would say hell no im not that stupid ;/ Grrrrr what the hell is wrong w/me? Alexis said i seem distant today and in a way i feel like im being distant because when im in the moods i am in right now i always seem to piss EVERYONE off and if i really tell them whats on my mind, i get in trouble so i am being short and sweet today so that i dont fuck everything ^ like i normally do. Ex: Melissa asked me "whats wrong" and i said "nothing" well if i would of told her the truth about how i can not get myself to close to her because in the end i will end up hurt...or that i am being short w/her because i am scared...or that im horrible because her boyfriend is makin' her pick between me n him? and i feel like its all my fault and i *hate* causing other people problems then she would be pissed at me and then i would be fightin w/her. So i am being distant w/ alot of people today not just you Alexis, if you are readin this which you prolly are..but hopefully not! It's weird thought because i had 3 people tell me they were sorry today, and are now "friends" agian. 1)Kevin 2)Wally 3)Chris....which all have either lost my trust/hurt me in there own little ways... im a very forgiving person so of course i TRY to not hold that agianst them but it always come to my mind everytime i talk to them =/ In a way i think its cuz its one of them dayz where you coulda kicked the shyt outta me and cut me down and stole from me and did anything possible to hurt me and i STILL would of forgave you because im like felling volerable.. i dunno like on a normal day i woulda been the biggest bitch and be SUPER stubborn and hold you to EVERY word you had sad or everything you DID and not give up on how i feel.... i guess it was a good day fer the 3 of them tah ask mah forgivness today. Well im outtie..goin tah play badmitten *yay*...beats sitting here and writing in this thang ;x TtyL... MaDd LoVe,
AshTrash /=