streams in the cosmos

[pure_soap]

i like to talk
in my head
but when it tries to come out
it is often offensive.
wrong.
written in some other handwriting.

i always talk about my bad feelings here
and the boys
(because it is a secret, no?)
but it isn't.
i still want you all to know how much i regret my actions
and how badly i feel i let myself down by being weak.
and letting you trample me.
repeatedly.

but that doesnt matter
i am only dwelling in the past
and aching to change what has been done.

im not yet fully accepting of the fact that
*it has to hurt if its to heal*
and without the bastard i wouldnt have the prince
(ahaha)