Thumb on the pulse..
Trying to think what pushed me today.. so that I can try and avoid it as best I can in future. Any other suggestions?
1) Standard self pity/self hatred that people have seen me express for many years.
2) Actual finality of things. New bed, means no more curling up with her, no more late night chatters in the same way, definite step away from me. I need to get past this, working on it.
3) Overtiredness, leads to me being a lot more mepulant, increasing number 1.
4) Knowing that I'm being lied to, I tried to deal with it in a slightly more roundabout route, it dealt with half the problem, and I appreciate the honesty that involved, but the fact I was/am being lied to hurt.
5) Frustration. I am angry at myself that I've got myself into this state, I am angry that I am in this state, I am angry that it's so hard to get out of.
6) Terror of having to go deal with my mother, more "well meant comments" etc. Really not dealing with those well at the moment, and not looking forward to Xmas where I'm stuck there for 2 days.
7) December/January issues. They're here to stay as months, I just need to find a way of dealing with them.
8) Idiocy. I acknowledge the idiocy of the whole situation, but sometimes I'm an idiot.
Ok, at least some of these issues can be pointed firmly at me being... well...me. Some will take some time to get over, but others should perhaps be brute force n ignorance type dealt with/bypassed.
1) Standard self pity/self hatred that people have seen me express for many years.
2) Actual finality of things. New bed, means no more curling up with her, no more late night chatters in the same way, definite step away from me. I need to get past this, working on it.
3) Overtiredness, leads to me being a lot more mepulant, increasing number 1.
4) Knowing that I'm being lied to, I tried to deal with it in a slightly more roundabout route, it dealt with half the problem, and I appreciate the honesty that involved, but the fact I was/am being lied to hurt.
5) Frustration. I am angry at myself that I've got myself into this state, I am angry that I am in this state, I am angry that it's so hard to get out of.
6) Terror of having to go deal with my mother, more "well meant comments" etc. Really not dealing with those well at the moment, and not looking forward to Xmas where I'm stuck there for 2 days.
7) December/January issues. They're here to stay as months, I just need to find a way of dealing with them.
8) Idiocy. I acknowledge the idiocy of the whole situation, but sometimes I'm an idiot.
Ok, at least some of these issues can be pointed firmly at me being... well...me. Some will take some time to get over, but others should perhaps be brute force n ignorance type dealt with/bypassed.