love and its pain
love has never been a very eventful thing for me. although im only 15 i look for it because it would me i could be happy about something in my uneventful and depressing life. i fell in love with a boy two years ago when i first laid eyes on him. his name was larry. he was new in school and i made it a point to talk with him. i left my phone number on his binder and to my surprise he called me later that day. we talked and then everyday after that we talked on the phone for hours each day. it was sooo great. he was my best friend until my freshman year(his 8th grade year) when he finally asked me out. i didnt want to ruin the friendship but i said yes anyways. it was great i loved him. i can still feel his arms around me. he hated this but i loved it. i used to call him lare-bare. i miss him soo much. he got caught dealing drugs on school campus and was forced to finish school there but then he was expelled. he dumped me because he ws jealous of me talking to other guys and because he was moving. we had never done anything sexual except make out and i think thats why we worked so well together. then he waws gonna ask me back out so he could get more sexual things from me but then changed his mind. i was so sad and hurt. i couldnt beleive it. and since then i have been wary of other men. i have dated many after hom but they all hurt me sooo bad. especially a guy i went to school with. the hottest trumpet player i have ever seen. i liked him but my feeling for him soared after we spent 3 days in close contact because our school band went to san francisco to do a concert and hang out at an amusment park. i told him my feelings and i kept seeing him more. he gave me a ride in his bronco into eugene to see a girl who we were both close friends with perform in her school concert. we talked and he tod me he knew my secret but wasnt sure how he felt about me. i left it at that for the night. then about a month later him and his friend came over to this girls house i was staying at and i ended up losing my virginity to him on her sisters bed.him and josh came over later that night and we finished what we started. see earlier we almost got caught but we all escaped out the back door. then he was threw with me. i was so hurt. i have cut myself for this and i cant beleive that i could have fallen for him. i hate myself for it. but there is someone new and extrodenary. his name is anthony and we have been friends since febuary. im hoping one day we can be an item becase hes great with everything. i love his voice and charming personality. even though i still love larry deep down in my heart i know theres room for another guy who can make me happy now, its just i gotta find him. and i cant wait untill he shows up, cuz i desperatly need someone to care for me.