A Slow Day 22 Wednesday Feb 2012
I’ve been out for quite sometime. I think I’ve mentioned about my new job on some of my previous entries but anyways. Here’s me not promising that updates would be “somewhat” regularized (esp with my fics - c’mon I am trying to accomplish requirements still) but just some short and simple thought that could make you crack a smile amidst the hell of a day you had.
At the moment, as much as I wanted to write (‘been grilling myself with this MASSIVE block) I just plainly can’t. Or in the end, I might just throw myself somewhere dark and eerie. I don’t want that. The ones, fortunately there are, keeping me afloat are no-brainer reading (if there’s ever such a thing), surfing, reading, watching and reading. You know what I mean?
I have not reunited with my keyboard and I am keeping my rendezvous as minimal on certain chances. BUT, I’ve got really neat take on stuffs from some writers journal that I am willing to share.
Part I: Must you ask?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why is their Brail on the drive up ATM machine?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the park way?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
If a cow laughs does milk come out its nose?
If #2 pencils are so popular why are they still #2?
The “Psychic Friends Network” went out of business,
did they see it coming?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to
kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Doesnt “expecting the unexpected” make the
unexpected expected?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
If the sky is the limit, then what is space over the limit?
Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?
Is “Cute as a button” supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say
“I think Ill squeeze these dangly things here and
drink what comes out”?
Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a
mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons does morality
come from morons?
Wouldnt it be smart to make the sticky stuff on
envelopes taste like chocolate?
Isn’t it ineteresting how the word ‘politics’ is made up of
the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be
considered silverware?
Why do companies offer you “free gifts” Since when has a gift NOT been free?
If a turtle doesnt have a shell is he homeless or
naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you
done?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an S in the word
Lisp?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If u spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
If vegetarians eat vegetables what do
humanitarians eat?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped
people at the Special Olympics?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it
Fed UP?
If quitters never win and winners never quit how
can it be wise to: “Quit while you’re ahead”?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons
and forks What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks!
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them!
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
if it didnt zigzag?
After eating do amphibians need to wait an hour
before getting OUT of the water?
If olive oil comes from olives where does baby
oil come from?
Why is it that when transporting stuff on a car
its called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a
ship its called CARgo?
If two wrongs dont make a right then how come two
negatives make a positive?
Found these quotes and the questions above at animeprincess’ profile page
It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn’t take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you’ll inhale a bee.
If you don’t like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
The evening news always starts off by saying Good Evening and then procede to tell you exactly why it isn’t.
He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
If everyone jumped off a bridge would you? No I would step onto a pile of bodies.
No you don’t get it you think you get it which is different than actually getting it get it?
There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don’t know what the hell is happening.
My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me, he said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn’t met me yet.
They say the truth sets you free, then how come everytime I tell the truth I get sent to my room?
When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody’s eyes and RUN!
That is the wrongest wrong that ever wronged.
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
I used up all of my sick days…so I’m calling in dead.
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?
Part II: Pickups and Comebacks
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put u and i together
Woman: Really, I’d put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they’re amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing
(Some are just waaay off the radar but I find most of them funny without really trying)
I’ve got lots of these too, it’s funny and YOU know it! I’d probably post some more in the future.