Happy Veterans' Whine

[purchasemonkey]

   First off, a big "thank you" to the veterans out there. I hesitate to start mentioning names, for fear of leaving someone out, but let me tag dancingshaman, ratontheroad, and fornaxus right off the bat. I'll also give the nod to my dad, my stepdad, my uncle, and my grandfather, and his uncle.

Second, thank you to all the folks on my friends list who helped out at Dickens Fair

Comments

[edge_of_within]

Piping up where I don't belong -

"one thing most Fezzi guys do not understand" - how would you propose that we understand this differently? Though I haven't given it much thought until now, it certainly makes sense.

What would you propose as a solution the Fezzi men could accommodate?

I believe you didn't give a 'Fezzi men solution' because there probably isn't one. So if this is true, why does it matter much if the Fezzi men understand or not?

I ask these questions not to be rude or confrontational, just out of curiosity. I hold absolutely no ill-will with Danielle, and in fact adore her all over the place.

I myself have no solution either. It's no secret that no matter how many years I stayed with Fezziwigs, I would not be considered for any type of managerial duty, and I'm ok with that. And though I didn't really aspire to a managerial role in the group, I must admit that one of the reasons for leaving was just because it had gotten a bit stale.
I'm happy to still be involved with DCF, and I'm happy Fezziwigs still exists in every aspect.

[kid_lit_fan]

I believe you didn't give a 'Fezzi men solution' because there probably isn't one.

Not really. It's "ask veteran Fezzi-fems to dance when you're not busy w/customers," but that doesn't work so well if you're ALWAYS busy.

So if this is true, why does it matter much if the Fezzi men understand or not?

We women get a sense of "What're you bitching about, WE get to dance ALLLLLL the time," whether the Fezzi-men are actually saying (or thinking it.) Because ladies Want to Dance, and because male youth isn't as valuable (and being over, say 26 as un valuable) as female, it's easy for Fezzi-men to get partners, as many as their time and their aching feet will allow.

I spent a LOT of my last two years seeking out middle-aged ladies who looked as if they'd like to dance and "introducing" clueless but well-trained-in-dancing young Fezzi-men to them. It's true that it's perfectly period for ladies to dance together, but it's also true that modern ladies find that a little off.

It is part of the reason I left (that and I didn't feel that there was enough opportunity to act, despite the directors, Cathleen and Hilary in particular, trying very hard to give me things to do.)--I'd ask gentlemen to dance, they'd say "No, thank you." Most of the time, they also wouldn't dance with the sweet young things who asked them, but sometimes they would, because what do they know about ettiquette (They probably think that the waitresses at Hooters are in love with them and not their tips, I'd think cynically.)? But I could hang around the house in comfier clothes to chat with my friends. Or I could go to Jeremy's and engage with the customers for at least half of any given Fair day. So, I did.

[ophymirage]

I think Danielle's assessment (reply) is correct - there probably *is* a disparity between women and men (and, as Laura points out, possibly between older women and younger women as well) wanting to move into other roles.

There's always going to be way more women than men who want to dance. that's just a truth. which means that the Fezzi men can be danceypants as long as they want, as hard as they want, with as many partners as they can handle (woo!), and there will *always* be more work for them to do, and they're *always* going to be more desired/desirable as partners.

Especially as the women age a bit/fatten up a bit/whatever, it becomes harder and harder to convince customer men to dance with you. that kind of rejection does become wearing after a while, no matter how good one's ego is. SO, finding other ways to be useful becomes more paramount. If one wants to be useful, but is consistently shut out/turned down/not thanked/etc., *even if it's only their own perceptions*.. well. you suffer quietly, or depart for greener pastures.

I unfortunately *also* don't have a solution. AND recognize that to what extent I have these issues, and to some extent I do, they *are* irrational and emotional, and I should just get over it. and, for the most part, I do. but it does make something that should be joyous fun, kind of annoying at times. ;-D