Thank you, Julius
The History of Election Day
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Today at 12:10pm
Hurray, it's my favorite post-Halloween holiday today! Happy E-Day everyone. Not to be confused with Ecstasy Day, so don't start rolling yet, you goofy ravers, you. I'm talking about Election Day where all your favorite characters come to life and enter your life like unwanted pregnancy.
Legend has it that on this day some 200 years ago, our brave forefathers went to battle the forces of tyranny and slaughtered the Wizard King of Communism and his hellish army of socialist demons with flaming swords of democracy. Thus, America was born. Now, on November 4th of every year, Americans summon their ancestor's spirit by casting ballots into the gaping void of the future, securing our nation's safety and electing the one hero who will be put against descendants of non-American regimes.
Also, Joe the Plumber flies through the air in his magic Hummer to give little Republican children a tax credit for their health care, while Hockey Moms across the U.S. hide plastic eggs filled with aborted fetuses in the homes of Liberal pro-choicers.
Democrats like to go door to door and play their favorite Bill Clinton saxophone song and collect taxes at the same time. Then at the stroke of 5 p.m., Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin join forces for the ceremonial glass ceiling cracking to rain down shards of feminism into the voting mind of the population. Oh, how I can't wait.
So remember to leave your ballots under your Election Tree for the next president. He'll use the Patriot Act to get into your home, so don't worry about locking your doors.
not mine, from faceplace
Share
Today at 12:10pm
Hurray, it's my favorite post-Halloween holiday today! Happy E-Day everyone. Not to be confused with Ecstasy Day, so don't start rolling yet, you goofy ravers, you. I'm talking about Election Day where all your favorite characters come to life and enter your life like unwanted pregnancy.
Legend has it that on this day some 200 years ago, our brave forefathers went to battle the forces of tyranny and slaughtered the Wizard King of Communism and his hellish army of socialist demons with flaming swords of democracy. Thus, America was born. Now, on November 4th of every year, Americans summon their ancestor's spirit by casting ballots into the gaping void of the future, securing our nation's safety and electing the one hero who will be put against descendants of non-American regimes.
Also, Joe the Plumber flies through the air in his magic Hummer to give little Republican children a tax credit for their health care, while Hockey Moms across the U.S. hide plastic eggs filled with aborted fetuses in the homes of Liberal pro-choicers.
Democrats like to go door to door and play their favorite Bill Clinton saxophone song and collect taxes at the same time. Then at the stroke of 5 p.m., Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin join forces for the ceremonial glass ceiling cracking to rain down shards of feminism into the voting mind of the population. Oh, how I can't wait.
So remember to leave your ballots under your Election Tree for the next president. He'll use the Patriot Act to get into your home, so don't worry about locking your doors.
not mine, from faceplace