I said I was going to go to sleep, but I never quite did...
Finger, cont.
A genuine smile crossed Fuuma's lips. The Sakurazukamori had just gotten interesting.
"Can you now...?" he asked softly as his voice barely rose at the end, all the while locked in a steady gaze with the other.
Subaru visibly swallowed but after a brief hesitation,
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Comments 8
You make me like Fubaru lots more. :O I really appreciate your interpretation of Fuuma - a very nice mix of DarkKamui! and real person.
"in that moment he felt the need to validate his own existence, to forcefully show the onmyouji that he was real and there, no matter how much anyone said otherwise"
I love that line. Not only is it true in general (congratulations, you said something deep!), it has a very specific meaning here. It often seems that Kamui!Fuuma has no personality of his own, and this really sums up the identity crisis for me.
Actually, I just love that entire last paragraph. Especially the bit about wondering what Subaru tastes like. It is very easy to describe people with negative space-y comments like that, but real people don't taste of nothing but cigarettes or whatever (vanilla or cinnamon seems to be popular - I have never kissed anyone who tasted like that).
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And those last few paragraphs...I wanted to get a little beyond the normal description of physical activities, wanted to show where things changed (yet again) for Fuuma. But you bring up a very good point with the identity crisis line. It's not the core of what I meant (if all goes well, I should flesh out what Fuuma puts together), but as a common branch, it rings true :)
But what about 'buttocks'? That didn't stand out as off or anything, did it? It didn't seem in the right atmosphere to use anything else, so...
But again, thank you very much for your feedback :D
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'Buttocks' sounded odd to me. Maybe that's just because it's humorous usage over here (usually said with a fake Yorkshire or Forrest Gump drawl). But I can't really think of a better synonym - I would use 'arse', but of course you're American, and I think 'ass' wouldn't work. Oh, the travails of writerdom :P Oh, and don't you love how Natalie Baan calls it a seat? *giggle*
^_^
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...Well wouldn't you just like to sit on that seat? XD
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Good times to be had here.
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This fic...is sort of like my baby, so I'm trying extra hard to do what I can with it, which says something because I rarely try at my writing ^^;;
But thank you still! :)
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Because I really liked this story.
...
Sqish.
(that was my brain)
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Why guilty because you liked? :o
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