Who Needs Privacy?
Title : Who Needs Privacy?
Genre : Comedy, Romance
Pairing: YunJae, ChangKyu, YooSu, EunHae
Characters: Yunho, Jaejoong, Changmin, Yoochun, Junsu, Heechul, Eunhyuk, Donghae
Rating: PG-13
Length : One-Shot
Summary : Yunho and Jaejoong just want some time to themselves. Unfortunately the ‘kids’ (and everybody else) refuse to leave them alone. Post-Lawsuit.
Yunho figured that he had a right to be desperate. After all, he’d been waiting for what seemed like decades for JYJ’s busy schedules to settle down (not to mention his own) - and then, when they finally had, Jaejoong had been swept up in his new drama, so that had left little time for…extracurricular activities.
Now, finally, Yunho had Jaejoong all to himself.
“Jesus,” he murmured between kisses, “you have no idea how freaking long I have been waiting for this.” He pressed his lips against Jaejoong’s eagerly. Jaejoong laughed and kissed back, matching Yunho’s enthusiasm with ease.
“I have a surprise for you,” Jaejoong murmured.
“What?”
Jaejoong’s lips curved into a smirk. Yunho silently decided that it was one of the hottest things he’d seen since…well, since the last time Jaejoong had done something amazingly sexy.
“Well, I’m hoping it’s a surprise,” Jaejoong breathed. “See, they say extreme sex deprivation can ultimately lead to one fucking amazing night when you finally succeed in - ” He was cut off by Yunho’s lips.
“Let me talk,” he laughed, when the leader had pulled away.
“I’ve been listening to you talk for a week,” Yunho grumbled. Seeing Jaejoong’s face, he elaborated. “Your dramas - so much better than porn.”
“I don’t know if I should be offended or flattered,” Jaejoong muttered, sounding amused.
Yunho rolled his eyes. “Oh my god Jae, why are you still dressed?! Come on, take that shirt off - wait, no, I’ll rip it off for you.”
“Jung Yunho, touch this shirt and you will die,” Jaejoong warmed. “This is my favourite shirt.”
Yunho swallowed (because, when Kim Jaejoong got that look on his face, it was best to say as little as possible). “Uh, right then, you take it off - ”
Jaejoong snorted, the look of rage replaced by one of amusement. “What, do I look like an idiot?” he laughed. “Why would I wear my favourite shirt when I know what will be happening? Come on, tear it off my god-like form.”
“We need to work on your modesty,” Yunho informed him, but he complied anyway. Jaejoong’s lips curved into an eager smirk.
The door slammed open.
Jaejoong and Yunho yelped, leaping apart, just as Yoochun came bounding into the room.
“Guys!” the younger male bellowed. “Changmin and Kyuhyun are doing THINGS in his room!”
“Oh,” Jaejoong muttered, “you have got to be kidding me.”
“They’re totally having sex in his room,” Yoochun panted, clearly out of breath from the journey (and oblivious to the looks of rage he was receiving). “I can hear them through the door!”
Yunho inhaled sharply. “Yoochun,” he growled, “we were busy - ”
Yoochun blinked, is eyes wide and oblivious. “But - Changmin - ”
Jaejoong grit his teeth. “Changmin is a grown man Yoochun! Get out!”
“But - ” For some reason, the sight of his two bandmates in bed hadn’t been an indication to leave (and neither had the numerous demands). “You used to say you would castrate anyone who would touch him - ”
“He was fifteen back then! And now he’s not! So FUCK OFF!”
Yoochun flinched, averting his eyes from Jaejoong’s enraged face. “But - ”
“Yoochun, I really want to fuck Yunho,” Jaejoong growled. “So would you please, for the love of God, just - ”
“Yoochun you little shit!” Changmin yelled, sprinting into the room.
“Hyung!” Yoochun snapped, seemingly forgetting about Jaejoong’s demand. “It’s Yoochun hyung!”
“Don’t listen to him!” Changmin said, turning to Jaejoong and Yunho, his eyes wide and frantic. “Kyuhyun isn’t even in the house! He’s only saying these things because he wants my room for some ‘quality time’ with Junsu-hyung!”
Yunho clenched his jaw. “Changmin,” he hissed, “I honestly don’t care if you - ”
“String him up by his balls Changmin!”
…Was that Kyuhyun?
“Kyu,” Changmin hissed, his eyes wide, “no, don’t come here - ”
“No one cares if you’re having sex with Kyuhyun!” Jaejoong yelled (if he wasn’t so frustrated then yes, maybe he would care - right now, he just wanted to bludgeon everyone who wasn't Yunho).
“But there’s only one room!” Yoochun protested, forgetting that he wasn't supposed to support Changmin’s accusations about his and Junsu’s intentions.
“Then go back to your own dorm!” Changmin snapped.
“Get the fuck out!” Yunho howled.
Kyuhyun walked up. “Hi hyung,” he said, unperturbed by the sight before him.
Yunho threw a pillow at his head.
Changmin frowned slightly. “I think Yunho and Jaejoong hyung want to be left alone,” he murmured thoughtfully.
“Well, yes, obviously,” Yoochun agreed. He paused, his eyes widening in realisation. “Uh…I’ll be going again. Min - will you be finished with your room anytime soon?”
“You’re not having sex in my room,” Changmin snapped.
“Take the couch,” Kyuhyun suggested.
“You’re not having sex on my couch.”
“Yours, yours, yours,” Yoochun grumbled.
“You have a dorm too,” Changmin pointed out.
“GET OUT!”
All three hurried out, closing the door behind them.
Jaejoong sat still, breathing heavily. “Seriously,” he growled, “how fucking hard is it to get a little peace and quiet around here?!”
“Why is Yoochun even here?” Yunho questioned. “I thought he and Junsu were staying at your dorm tonight?”
“That’s what he said,” Jaejoong grumbled. “I guess he just decided being an annoying little shit was more fun.” He inhaled sharply, his fists clenching and unclenching.
“…Alright,” he said, after a moment. “Kiss me.”
“Okay,” Yunho agreed. When he pulled away, Jaejoong frowned.
“Nope,” he murmured, his shoulders slumping. “It’s gone.”
“What?” Yunho questioned, confused.
“The mood,” Jaejoong sighed, throwing himself backwards on the bed. Yunho continued to stare, uncomprehending.
“What mood?”
“The - ”
The door opened.
Jaejoong’s eye twitched.
“Hyungs,” Junsu said, poking his inside the room, “Changmin and Yoochun - ”
“Get out,” Jaejoong hissed.
“But Changmin is - ”
“No.”
“And Yoochun - ”
“FUCK OFF!”
Junsu squeaked and hurried off. Yunho stared after his retreating form. On any other day he would have been filled with guilt - after all, you didn’t yell at Junsu and not feel guilty.
Now, all he could think was, ‘why the FUCK didn’t he shut the door behind him?!’
“As I was saying,” Jaejoong said, through clenched teeth. “The mood. I’ve lost it.”
Yunho sighed. “Yes, but what is - ”
“Do you mind if I stay the night?” Kyuhyun questioned, wandering into the room.
“Do you mind if I kill you?” Jaejoong snapped.
Kyuhyun paused, and then shrugged. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He turned around and shut the door (hey, there really was a silver lining to every horrible situation).
“Anyway,” Jaejoong breathed, his eyes closing. “By ‘the mood’ I mean - ”
The door opened again (and Yunho internally screamed).
“Hey guys,” Yoochun said, “did you really just tell Kyuhyun he could stay over, because somehow I just don’t believe - ” He paused, taking note of their expressions. “…Uh, okay then…”
He turned around and left the room (thank fucking god, he had enough sense to close the door behind him. Not that it seemed to be helping much…).
Jaejoong breathed heavily, trying to calm himself. “The mood,” he hissed, “is that feeling you need to have a good round of sex - it’s not here anymore. I’m just too annoyed.”
“So what are you saying?” Yunho demanded, shifting away. “You don’t want me?”
“Oh Yunho,” Jaejoong sighed, “I always want you, you know that. I just want them dead a little bit more.”
Yunho looked helpless. “But - all those weeks - ”
“The mood Yunho,” Jaejoong pressed.
“Fuck the mood!” Yunho snapped.
“You can’t fuck the mood!”
“If I don’t fuck the mood then I can’t fuck you!”
“Hyungs?”
Yunho whirled around, his eyes wild. “JUNSU, PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT BEFORE I DESTROY YOU!”
Junsu stood still, his eyes wide, his lip trembling. “But,” he stammered, “Heechul-hyung said he won’t leave until he talks to you.”
“Why is Heechul in my dorm?!” Yunho roared. Oh god, why the hell couldn’t this be some fucked up nightmare? Why did this have to be his reality?
“Hello Yunho,” the demon in question purred, walking through that blasted doorway. “Oh fuck, this looks juicy. Why the hell did I leave my phone at home?”
“Hey hyung,” Kyuhyun greeted, joining the damn gathering in the doorway.
“Ah, my pathetic little maknae!” Heechul cooed. “What are you doing here?”
“Not doing anything with me, I can assure you,” Changmin interjected, hurrying over. “Well, other than video games. Everyone just seems to be assuming.”
“Changmin, stop being obnoxious,” Yunho snapped. He turned to Heechul. “What the hell do you want?” he demanded, before realising that Heechul was wearing nothing but a towel. Another one was wrapped around his head.
“Did you walk here like that?” he spluttered.
“Fuck no,” Heechul responded. “I might have caught a cold, and that would be horrible for my skin,” (no one said he had his priorities straight). “I got Eunhyuk to drive me.”
Kyuhyun frowned. “I thought he and Donghae-hyung were going on a date?”
“They were.” Heechul smirked.
Kyuhyun sighed.
“Anyway,” Heechul turned back to Yunho, “I need to borrow your strawberry-scented conditioner. Mine’s run out, and I cannot have a shower without my strawberry conditioner.”
Yunho gaped. “Why the hell would I have any of that?” he spluttered.
“Don’t lie to me Yunho,” Heechul snapped. “I’ve seen it in your shower.” No one questioned why he had been in Yunho’s shower - it was Heechul after all.”
“That’s mine,” Jaejoong interrupted. “I left it here a while back.”
“…So there’s no strawberry conditioner?”
“No. Get out,” Yunho snapped.
“But…” Heechul frowned. “…There’s some at your dorm, right?” He looked at Jaejoong questioningly.
“Yes, but you can’t go to my dorm Heechul,” Jaejoong pointed out, slightly apprehensively. The last thing anyone wanted was Kim Heechul in their home (except for crazy fangirls, of course). “You’d be better off going to the shops.”
“Slight problem though.” Everyone turned to see Eunhyuk walking towards the room. Jaejoong inwardly screamed; years apart from these people, and now they were literally everywhere. “My car randomly stopped working.”
“Wait, seriously?” Heechul demanded. “But I need my strawberry conditioner! Hey, which one of you idiots can drive?!”
“For godsake!” Jaejoong howled. “Would everyone just - ”
“It’s raining!” Donghae yelled, running over to join the rapidly growing group (and dripping water all over the house, Yunho noted in annoyance). “Oh hey guys,” Super Junior’s resident fish commented when he caught sight of Yunho and Jaejoong. “Why are you in bed. Hey, they look like they’re about to have sex, don’t they?”
Changmin gaped at him.
“Hyung, are you really that dense?” Kyuhyun asked incredulously.
“Come on!” Heechul waved his hands impatiently. “I know JYJ didn’t walk here, so there’s a car somewhere on this property!”
“Can I use your phone?” Eunhyuk inquired. “I’ll call someone to come and pick us up.”
“Yunho, be a good friend and get me some conditioner,” Heechul ordered.
“Hey, can you tell my bandmates to get out?” Kyuhyun asked, looking hopeful. “I came here to get away from them.”
Heechul snorted. “You came here to fuck Changmin.”
Yunho sat still, gaping at the large crowd. Oh sweet lord, the conversation seemed to be pouring in from every corner - all those goddamn annoying voices -
“Hey, where are Yoochun and Junsu?” Changmin demanded. “They’re not in my room are they? Guys, get out! THOSE ARE MY FAVOURITE BEDSHEETS!”
Yunho snapped.
“EVERYBODY GET OUT!” he roared. “GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!”
Donghae’s eyes widened. “Hey! It’s like a mix of SHINee’s and JYJ’s songs - ”
Yunho threw himself out of bed and hurtled towards the door. Ignoring the constant stream of inquiries, he reached over and slammed the door shut. He let out a small spurt of laughter when he nearly broke a few of Eunhyuk’s fingers.
“Why,” he growled, bolting the locks, “why are we friends with those people?!”
“I don’t know,” Jaejoong moaned, staring miserably at the door. “Because once, a long time ago, we thought it would be a good idea to join SM? And because SM is fucking crazy, so therefore everyone we met was fucking crazy?”
Yunho’s lip trembled. “Does that make us fucking crazy?”
“Yes.”
There was a long, misery-filled pause.
“…So.” Jaejoong leaned forward. “Uh, Kyuhyun and Changmin…”
Yunho nodded. “Yeah…”
“Do you think they, uh, should, I dunno, sleep in separate rooms.” Jaejoong swallowed, letting out a nervous laugh. “Just so we don’t have to put up with the sound, of course.”
“Yes,” Yunho agreed, nodding. “And Junsu and Yoochun too. Because, you know, Junsu and Changmin were roommates, so obviously they should stay in the same room.”
“Yes! Exactly!” Jaejoong nodded hurriedly. “Oh, and I’ll give Heechul, Donghae and Eunhyuk a lift. I feel kind of bad for them. It’s raining, and Heechul’s half naked…”
There was a moment of silence.
“That doors locked, right?” Jaejoong questioned, nodding to the object in question.
Yunho nodded. “Yup.”
Jaejoong’s lips curved into a smile, and he motioned for Yunho to come over. “Right - as I was saying before, you rip this shirt from my god-like body, and we’ll make passionate love, and then I’ll be my loving compassionate self later - how does that sound.”
Yunho quirked one brow. “What about the mood.”
“Fuck the mood. Get your arse back to this bed, Jung Yunho.”
Yunho smirked. The sound of arguing could be heard in the background. Yunho ignored it, and made his way back to the bed. If worst came to worst, he’d just sic Jaejoong on them - that man could be terrifying when he wanted to be.