Behind the Scenes (Chapter 3 - In Which Changmin Gets His Revenge)
Title : Behind the Scenes
Pairing : Yunjae
Genre : Romance, Comedy
Rating: PG-13
Length : Chaptered
Summary : DBSK are once again a five member group - but the story of how it happened gives all of them a headache. (“…We’re going to prison aren’t we?” Junsu whimpered).
“You know,” Changmin said, settling back into his chair, “when we walked into the restaurant, Yunho-hyung was wearing a t-shirt, a pair of jeans and some sneakers. He was not wearing a hoodie.”
There was a brief pause. The interviewer raised one eyebrow. “…Alright then,” he said slowly.
Changmin continued. “I was wearing a pair of jeans, some sneakers…and a hoodie.”
The interviewer’s eyebrows raised higher. He turned to Jaejoong, utterly bewildered. “What - ?”
Jaejoong simply shook his head. “I really have no clue,” he told him, and then turned to Changmin. “Min?” he inquired. “Is this…going anywhere?” Silently he hoped that they weren’t heading down the same path of Junsu’s pointless storytelling.
Changmin ignored him, choosing to look the interviewer dead in the eye. “When Yunho-hyung approached that guy - he was wearing a hoodie.”
If anyone actually knew what the hell was going on at this point, they were some sort of genius.
The interviewer’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t…?”
Changmin sighed, exasperated (he couldn’t for the life of him understand how everyone hadn’t understood). “I came in with a hoodie,” he said slowly. “Yunho-hyung didn’t. Yunho-hyung left with a hoodie. How is this possible?”
Yoochun groaned. “Changmin, what the hell, this is not the time for riddles!”
Changmin glared. “Oh for gods - Yunho-hyung took my hoodie!”
There was an awkward pause.
“Uh…”
“Er,” Jaejoong coughed, “maybe you should let Yunho take over - ”
“No, this is important!” Changmin said hurriedly. “See, I wore the thing hoping that it would shield me from possible sasaeng fans. Yunho-hyung forgot to wear one, so do you know what he did? He purposely spilled water on me. Then, when I took it off to dry it, he grabbed it and ran!”
Changmin shot another scowl in Yunho’s direction.
“He’s a good hyung, really,” Jaejoong said, addressing the audience.
Changmin crossed his arms moodily across his chest. “While Yunho-hyung was running - ”
“I wasn’t running,” Yunho interrupted. “And I’m going to take over before we completely lose track of the story. This is pointless.”
“It’s not pointless!” Changmin retorted heatedly. “I ended up being chased by sasaeng fans!”
“Anyway - after I borrowed the hoodie - ”
…
“I’m going to get you back for this hyung!” Changmin called after him furiously. “No one will find your body, and I’ll make sure to get my hoodie back first so that there’s no connection between us - ”
“Yeah, other than the fact that we’re bandmates,” Yunho snorted softly. “Changmin, you really aren’t as evil as you think - OW!”
…
“What the hell Changmin?!” Yunho snapped, rubbing his sore leg. “You kicked me!”
“You take that back!” Changmin growled. “I am evil as hell! Ask anyone and they’ll tell you!”
There was a murmur of agreement from the audience.
Jaejoong leaned over and whacked Changmin on the side of the head.
“Ow!”
“Changmin!” Jaejoong reprimanded. “You can’t kick Yunho on live television!”
“You can’t hit me on live television!” Changmin snapped back.
“WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”
Everyone turned to stare at Junsu. The other male continued to smile cheerily, his arms now wrapped around Yoochun and Changmin’s shoulders.
“All of us love each other,” Junsu said, his gaze alternating between the interviewer and the audience. “Don’t let the physical abuse bother you. Just think of it as parents disciplining their rebellious kid.”
“And the rebellious kid lashing out at the wimpy father, who needs his wife to protect him,” Yoochun added.
Jaejoong hit him. “I’m not the wife,” he growled, while Yoochun let out a cry of protest.
The interviewer coughed. “Uh…”
“Back to the story,” Yunho said, but not before whacking Changmin on the side of the head.
As Changmin let out a loud exclamation, Junsu shifted nervously in his chair, hoping that his adorable, innocent exterior would be enough to protect him.
…
Yunho threw himself down on an empty chair, and smiled at the guy who he’d now fondly nicknamed, “Asshole.”
“Hi,” Yunho greeted. Asshole blinked, and there was a moment of silence.
“Er,” Asshole said at last. “Do I…know you?”
Yunho shrugged. “No.”
“…Okay?” Asshole blinked again.
…
“You’re seriously just going to call him Asshole?” Jaejoong asked disbelievingly.
“Yes,” Yunho said simply.
…
“Are you dating someone?” Yunho lounged back in his chair, giving the bewildered male the most pleasant smile he could muster.
“Uh - ” Asshole shook his head. “Seriously, do I know you or something? Because, that’s a bit of a personal question - ”
“I’m doing a survey,” Yunho lied. “I’m trying to figure out how many people in this room are in a stable relationship. So - yes or no?”
“…This is a survey?”
Yunho nodded. “Yes.”
Asshole sighed. “I’m sorry then,” he told him, “but I really don’t feel comfortable telling this to someone that - ” He paused. “…Don’t be too offended, but someone who looks like you.”
Yunho scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean?!”
“I can’t see your face!” Asshole exclaimed. “That hoodie is covering your eyes!”
“I have a skin condition!” Yunho shot back (lie after lie). “Not everyone can have brilliant skin you know! Brilliant skin like…oh I don’t know, your boyfriend, maybe?” He leaned forward, his eyes narrowed. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
…
“…It’s not as creepy as it sounds,” Yunho muttered.
“IF OPPA ASED ME IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND, I’D TELL HIM THAT HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND!” shrieked a girl from the audience.
Yunho hid his alarm (years of experience had helped that process), and gave her the most dazzling smile he could muster.
“OH SHUT UP!” screeched another fan. “THAT’S NOT THE POINT! YUNHO-OPPA WANTS TO KNOW WHO JAEJOONG-OPPA IS DATING. JAEJOONG-OPPA WOULD NEVER DATE YOU!”
Since Yunho couldn’t exactly smile at that girl, he settled for simply staring ahead, waiting for the intra-fan-war to end.
“JAEJOONG-OPPA WOULD SO DATE ME!” shrieked the first girl.
“JAEJOONG OPPA IS DATING YUNHO OPPA, BITCH!” another fan howled. “DESTROY THEIR LOVE AND I WILL END YOU!”
“Uh…” Yunho coughed, turning to face the interviewer. “Should I wait…?”
“No, no, continue,” the man urged him.
“I’ll be taking over from here,” Changmin interjected.
“Uh - sure Changmin.” The interviewer smiled at the younger man, who, in response, glared at Yunho.
“What?” Yunho sighed. “If you keep this up, they’re going to think you hate me.”
“You took me hoodie!” Changmin snapped. “Do you know what that led to?! Do you?!”
“What did it lead to?” Junsu questioned, oblivious.
Changmin sighed. “Oh my sweet, innocent, naive hyung - ”
“MINSU!”
“…No, no!” Changmin hurriedly shook his head, as the audience started to shriek in joy. “We only have Yunjae happening here. But that’s not the point - guys, do you know what Yunho-hyung did to me?! Because of his thieving ways, I was left to face off…the saesang fans!”
Yoochun coughed. “You do realise that half this audience probably consists of - ”
“The sasaeng fans!”
…
“Yunho, you will die,” Changmin muttered, as he sprinted down the corridor. “Yunho, you will die…Yunho, you will die…”
Behind him, the crowd of sasaeng fans rapidly drew closer. Changmin’s eyes zeroed on his target - the door the male toilet cubicles - and tried to quicken his pace. How the hell had they managed to chase him for nearly an hour in the tiny, dingy restaurant? How had they even fit inside?!
He hurled himself through the door, and slammed it behind him. Hurriedly, he pulled the lock, and sat against it, breathing hard.
“OPPA! OPPA! WE LOVE YOU OPPA! HAVE OUR BABIES OPPA!”
Changmin felt the door vibrate as numerous fists smashed against it. He let out a small whimper.
“It’s not fair…” he moaned. “I was good, I thought to disguise myself…Yunho-hyung just sucks…”
From outside he heard someone yell, “what did he say about Yunho-oppa sucking…?”
He paled. Right - get rid of the mental images. He had to focus on getting himself out.
His eyes zeroed on a nearby window. Without fully realising what he was doing (he’d had a lot of practice), Changmin picked himself up, and hurled himself towards his only escape route.
The door looked like it was seconds away from falling down. Briefly, Changmin reminded himself to come back later and pay the storekeeper for the damages. He hoisted himself up and pulled the window open, relieved that it hadn’t been bolted shut. Smashing glass wasn’t really what he wanted to be doing at this moment (because sasaeng fans and sharp objects? Not a good mix). Changmin managed to push himself onto the window sill, just as the door fell to the ground, and a swarm of teenaged girls entered the room.
There was the sound of a flushing toilet, and the doors to one of the cubicles opened. The man inside stared, evidently stunned by what he was seeing.
“What - ?”
That was all he managed to get out, before he was swallowed by the stampede of crazed fan girls.
Changmin felt hands latch onto his foot, and he kicked out. He felt his shoe fall off, and he forced himself not to mourn their loss (they’d been his favourite shoes, dammit!), and focus on his escape. He pushed himself forward, and was relieved when he felt his feet hitting the gravel road beneath him.
“OPPA!”
Right - no time to be relieved. Those fans were still behind him, reaching, screaming, climbing out the goddamn window - yeah, Changmin needed to run, now.
The maknae could barely breathe as he barrelled forward, his sole focus on a nearby taxi - one of the few things that could save him from this hell. When he reached the vehicle he wrenched open the door, and threw himself inside. He ignored the fact that there was already someone there - he needed this more than they did - and directed his full attention on the driver.
“Drive,” he pleaded, barely able to breathe.
“Excuse me,” the passenger interrupted, “I’ve already - ”
“Look at that!” Changmin snapped, pointing frantically at the bloodthirsty crowd. “Don’t you think this is an emergency?! Now drive!”
The driver opened his mouth to protest, but at that moment, the fans reached the taxi. And then, well, it was chaos (and Changmin realised he now had more than just the storeowner to compensate).
Changmin breathed heavily as the car pulled away from the curb. It barrelled down the street (breaking a number of laws as it did so), and Changmin allowed himself a moment to simply close his eyes and take in the fact that, yet again, Shim Changmin had won.
“They’re still coming,” the passenger observed, amazement and a hint of horror in his voice.
Changmin nodded. “Sasaeng fans. They - oh shit.”
The man blinked.
“You - you’re that guy!” Seriously, how the hell had he ended up in the same car as Jaejoong’s fucking boyfriend?!
“Um…” the man blinked. “Do I - know you?”
Now, Changmin knew that he could have done Yunho a favour, and asked the other male about his relationship with Jaejoong, but…Yunho had stolen his hoodie. Changmin wasn’t Junsu, who went around forgiving everyone - Changmin wanted revenge.
He forced a sombre expression onto his face, and leaned forward.
“I saw you in the restaurant,” he told him, “speaking to the strange guy in the hoodie. I wanted to warn you, but those girls got in the way.”
“Warn me about what?” the man asked, sounding slightly alarmed.
Changmin forced his eyes to grow wide (and people said Yoochun was the good actor). “Didn’t you watch the news?” he whispered. “He’s wanted all over the place - he escaped from a mental asylum last week. Very dangerous.”
The man swallowed, and Changmin inwardly smirked.
…
“What the hell Changmin?!” Yunho yelled, jumping up from his seat. “You - you - why?!”
“You stole my hoodie,” Changmin told him simply.
Junsu gaped at Changmin, Jaejoong buried his head in his hands, and Yoochun’s shoulders quivered (he tried not to be amused, really, but it was difficult).
“…So,” the interviewer said, slowly, “that…was an interesting way to deal with your troubles, Changmin.”
“I’m DBSK’s evil maknae,” Changmin said, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s my job.”
“Then why are you still mad about it?!” Yunho demanded, a tinge of hysteria in his voice.
Changmin shrugged again. “Just because I got my revenge doesn’t mean I got over it. That was a good hoodie, and I lost my favourite pair of shoes because of you.”
“I have your shoe, Oppa!” yelled a girl from the audience, waving said item enthusiastically.
Pairing : Yunjae
Genre : Romance, Comedy
Rating: PG-13
Length : Chaptered
Summary : DBSK are once again a five member group - but the story of how it happened gives all of them a headache. (“…We’re going to prison aren’t we?” Junsu whimpered).
“You know,” Changmin said, settling back into his chair, “when we walked into the restaurant, Yunho-hyung was wearing a t-shirt, a pair of jeans and some sneakers. He was not wearing a hoodie.”
There was a brief pause. The interviewer raised one eyebrow. “…Alright then,” he said slowly.
Changmin continued. “I was wearing a pair of jeans, some sneakers…and a hoodie.”
The interviewer’s eyebrows raised higher. He turned to Jaejoong, utterly bewildered. “What - ?”
Jaejoong simply shook his head. “I really have no clue,” he told him, and then turned to Changmin. “Min?” he inquired. “Is this…going anywhere?” Silently he hoped that they weren’t heading down the same path of Junsu’s pointless storytelling.
Changmin ignored him, choosing to look the interviewer dead in the eye. “When Yunho-hyung approached that guy - he was wearing a hoodie.”
If anyone actually knew what the hell was going on at this point, they were some sort of genius.
The interviewer’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t…?”
Changmin sighed, exasperated (he couldn’t for the life of him understand how everyone hadn’t understood). “I came in with a hoodie,” he said slowly. “Yunho-hyung didn’t. Yunho-hyung left with a hoodie. How is this possible?”
Yoochun groaned. “Changmin, what the hell, this is not the time for riddles!”
Changmin glared. “Oh for gods - Yunho-hyung took my hoodie!”
There was an awkward pause.
“Uh…”
“Er,” Jaejoong coughed, “maybe you should let Yunho take over - ”
“No, this is important!” Changmin said hurriedly. “See, I wore the thing hoping that it would shield me from possible sasaeng fans. Yunho-hyung forgot to wear one, so do you know what he did? He purposely spilled water on me. Then, when I took it off to dry it, he grabbed it and ran!”
Changmin shot another scowl in Yunho’s direction.
“He’s a good hyung, really,” Jaejoong said, addressing the audience.
Changmin crossed his arms moodily across his chest. “While Yunho-hyung was running - ”
“I wasn’t running,” Yunho interrupted. “And I’m going to take over before we completely lose track of the story. This is pointless.”
“It’s not pointless!” Changmin retorted heatedly. “I ended up being chased by sasaeng fans!”
“Anyway - after I borrowed the hoodie - ”
…
“I’m going to get you back for this hyung!” Changmin called after him furiously. “No one will find your body, and I’ll make sure to get my hoodie back first so that there’s no connection between us - ”
“Yeah, other than the fact that we’re bandmates,” Yunho snorted softly. “Changmin, you really aren’t as evil as you think - OW!”
…
“What the hell Changmin?!” Yunho snapped, rubbing his sore leg. “You kicked me!”
“You take that back!” Changmin growled. “I am evil as hell! Ask anyone and they’ll tell you!”
There was a murmur of agreement from the audience.
Jaejoong leaned over and whacked Changmin on the side of the head.
“Ow!”
“Changmin!” Jaejoong reprimanded. “You can’t kick Yunho on live television!”
“You can’t hit me on live television!” Changmin snapped back.
“WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”
Everyone turned to stare at Junsu. The other male continued to smile cheerily, his arms now wrapped around Yoochun and Changmin’s shoulders.
“All of us love each other,” Junsu said, his gaze alternating between the interviewer and the audience. “Don’t let the physical abuse bother you. Just think of it as parents disciplining their rebellious kid.”
“And the rebellious kid lashing out at the wimpy father, who needs his wife to protect him,” Yoochun added.
Jaejoong hit him. “I’m not the wife,” he growled, while Yoochun let out a cry of protest.
The interviewer coughed. “Uh…”
“Back to the story,” Yunho said, but not before whacking Changmin on the side of the head.
As Changmin let out a loud exclamation, Junsu shifted nervously in his chair, hoping that his adorable, innocent exterior would be enough to protect him.
…
Yunho threw himself down on an empty chair, and smiled at the guy who he’d now fondly nicknamed, “Asshole.”
“Hi,” Yunho greeted. Asshole blinked, and there was a moment of silence.
“Er,” Asshole said at last. “Do I…know you?”
Yunho shrugged. “No.”
“…Okay?” Asshole blinked again.
…
“You’re seriously just going to call him Asshole?” Jaejoong asked disbelievingly.
“Yes,” Yunho said simply.
…
“Are you dating someone?” Yunho lounged back in his chair, giving the bewildered male the most pleasant smile he could muster.
“Uh - ” Asshole shook his head. “Seriously, do I know you or something? Because, that’s a bit of a personal question - ”
“I’m doing a survey,” Yunho lied. “I’m trying to figure out how many people in this room are in a stable relationship. So - yes or no?”
“…This is a survey?”
Yunho nodded. “Yes.”
Asshole sighed. “I’m sorry then,” he told him, “but I really don’t feel comfortable telling this to someone that - ” He paused. “…Don’t be too offended, but someone who looks like you.”
Yunho scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean?!”
“I can’t see your face!” Asshole exclaimed. “That hoodie is covering your eyes!”
“I have a skin condition!” Yunho shot back (lie after lie). “Not everyone can have brilliant skin you know! Brilliant skin like…oh I don’t know, your boyfriend, maybe?” He leaned forward, his eyes narrowed. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
…
“…It’s not as creepy as it sounds,” Yunho muttered.
“IF OPPA ASED ME IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND, I’D TELL HIM THAT HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND!” shrieked a girl from the audience.
Yunho hid his alarm (years of experience had helped that process), and gave her the most dazzling smile he could muster.
“OH SHUT UP!” screeched another fan. “THAT’S NOT THE POINT! YUNHO-OPPA WANTS TO KNOW WHO JAEJOONG-OPPA IS DATING. JAEJOONG-OPPA WOULD NEVER DATE YOU!”
Since Yunho couldn’t exactly smile at that girl, he settled for simply staring ahead, waiting for the intra-fan-war to end.
“JAEJOONG-OPPA WOULD SO DATE ME!” shrieked the first girl.
“JAEJOONG OPPA IS DATING YUNHO OPPA, BITCH!” another fan howled. “DESTROY THEIR LOVE AND I WILL END YOU!”
“Uh…” Yunho coughed, turning to face the interviewer. “Should I wait…?”
“No, no, continue,” the man urged him.
“I’ll be taking over from here,” Changmin interjected.
“Uh - sure Changmin.” The interviewer smiled at the younger man, who, in response, glared at Yunho.
“What?” Yunho sighed. “If you keep this up, they’re going to think you hate me.”
“You took me hoodie!” Changmin snapped. “Do you know what that led to?! Do you?!”
“What did it lead to?” Junsu questioned, oblivious.
Changmin sighed. “Oh my sweet, innocent, naive hyung - ”
“MINSU!”
“…No, no!” Changmin hurriedly shook his head, as the audience started to shriek in joy. “We only have Yunjae happening here. But that’s not the point - guys, do you know what Yunho-hyung did to me?! Because of his thieving ways, I was left to face off…the saesang fans!”
Yoochun coughed. “You do realise that half this audience probably consists of - ”
“The sasaeng fans!”
…
“Yunho, you will die,” Changmin muttered, as he sprinted down the corridor. “Yunho, you will die…Yunho, you will die…”
Behind him, the crowd of sasaeng fans rapidly drew closer. Changmin’s eyes zeroed on his target - the door the male toilet cubicles - and tried to quicken his pace. How the hell had they managed to chase him for nearly an hour in the tiny, dingy restaurant? How had they even fit inside?!
He hurled himself through the door, and slammed it behind him. Hurriedly, he pulled the lock, and sat against it, breathing hard.
“OPPA! OPPA! WE LOVE YOU OPPA! HAVE OUR BABIES OPPA!”
Changmin felt the door vibrate as numerous fists smashed against it. He let out a small whimper.
“It’s not fair…” he moaned. “I was good, I thought to disguise myself…Yunho-hyung just sucks…”
From outside he heard someone yell, “what did he say about Yunho-oppa sucking…?”
He paled. Right - get rid of the mental images. He had to focus on getting himself out.
His eyes zeroed on a nearby window. Without fully realising what he was doing (he’d had a lot of practice), Changmin picked himself up, and hurled himself towards his only escape route.
The door looked like it was seconds away from falling down. Briefly, Changmin reminded himself to come back later and pay the storekeeper for the damages. He hoisted himself up and pulled the window open, relieved that it hadn’t been bolted shut. Smashing glass wasn’t really what he wanted to be doing at this moment (because sasaeng fans and sharp objects? Not a good mix). Changmin managed to push himself onto the window sill, just as the door fell to the ground, and a swarm of teenaged girls entered the room.
There was the sound of a flushing toilet, and the doors to one of the cubicles opened. The man inside stared, evidently stunned by what he was seeing.
“What - ?”
That was all he managed to get out, before he was swallowed by the stampede of crazed fan girls.
Changmin felt hands latch onto his foot, and he kicked out. He felt his shoe fall off, and he forced himself not to mourn their loss (they’d been his favourite shoes, dammit!), and focus on his escape. He pushed himself forward, and was relieved when he felt his feet hitting the gravel road beneath him.
“OPPA!”
Right - no time to be relieved. Those fans were still behind him, reaching, screaming, climbing out the goddamn window - yeah, Changmin needed to run, now.
The maknae could barely breathe as he barrelled forward, his sole focus on a nearby taxi - one of the few things that could save him from this hell. When he reached the vehicle he wrenched open the door, and threw himself inside. He ignored the fact that there was already someone there - he needed this more than they did - and directed his full attention on the driver.
“Drive,” he pleaded, barely able to breathe.
“Excuse me,” the passenger interrupted, “I’ve already - ”
“Look at that!” Changmin snapped, pointing frantically at the bloodthirsty crowd. “Don’t you think this is an emergency?! Now drive!”
The driver opened his mouth to protest, but at that moment, the fans reached the taxi. And then, well, it was chaos (and Changmin realised he now had more than just the storeowner to compensate).
Changmin breathed heavily as the car pulled away from the curb. It barrelled down the street (breaking a number of laws as it did so), and Changmin allowed himself a moment to simply close his eyes and take in the fact that, yet again, Shim Changmin had won.
“They’re still coming,” the passenger observed, amazement and a hint of horror in his voice.
Changmin nodded. “Sasaeng fans. They - oh shit.”
The man blinked.
“You - you’re that guy!” Seriously, how the hell had he ended up in the same car as Jaejoong’s fucking boyfriend?!
“Um…” the man blinked. “Do I - know you?”
Now, Changmin knew that he could have done Yunho a favour, and asked the other male about his relationship with Jaejoong, but…Yunho had stolen his hoodie. Changmin wasn’t Junsu, who went around forgiving everyone - Changmin wanted revenge.
He forced a sombre expression onto his face, and leaned forward.
“I saw you in the restaurant,” he told him, “speaking to the strange guy in the hoodie. I wanted to warn you, but those girls got in the way.”
“Warn me about what?” the man asked, sounding slightly alarmed.
Changmin forced his eyes to grow wide (and people said Yoochun was the good actor). “Didn’t you watch the news?” he whispered. “He’s wanted all over the place - he escaped from a mental asylum last week. Very dangerous.”
The man swallowed, and Changmin inwardly smirked.
…
“What the hell Changmin?!” Yunho yelled, jumping up from his seat. “You - you - why?!”
“You stole my hoodie,” Changmin told him simply.
Junsu gaped at Changmin, Jaejoong buried his head in his hands, and Yoochun’s shoulders quivered (he tried not to be amused, really, but it was difficult).
“…So,” the interviewer said, slowly, “that…was an interesting way to deal with your troubles, Changmin.”
“I’m DBSK’s evil maknae,” Changmin said, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s my job.”
“Then why are you still mad about it?!” Yunho demanded, a tinge of hysteria in his voice.
Changmin shrugged again. “Just because I got my revenge doesn’t mean I got over it. That was a good hoodie, and I lost my favourite pair of shoes because of you.”
“I have your shoe, Oppa!” yelled a girl from the audience, waving said item enthusiastically.