* ruminating...
I feel as though I had always been very sure of my future. Let me rephrase, even when I didn't know exactly where I was going, I always had a strong sense of who I was and what I wanted. I can't help but feel that Japan fucked that up.
I have never felt so lost, out of control, unsure of everything as I do right now. Maybe, in some ways, it's good for me. Being too sure can be seen as being arrogant, or even worse, closed minded. Or am I just telling myself that to feel better? I always thought that people did "adventurous" things like go abroad in order to "find" themselves. How did I manage to lose myself?
Here I am, just weeks away from my return to the states, and for the first time in my life, I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, and who I am. Fuck, I'm scared.
I have never felt so lost, out of control, unsure of everything as I do right now. Maybe, in some ways, it's good for me. Being too sure can be seen as being arrogant, or even worse, closed minded. Or am I just telling myself that to feel better? I always thought that people did "adventurous" things like go abroad in order to "find" themselves. How did I manage to lose myself?
Here I am, just weeks away from my return to the states, and for the first time in my life, I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, and who I am. Fuck, I'm scared.