(no subject)
"Mayday every day, in my heart.
Could’ve had a heart attack, in my heart.
We don’t know anything, in my heart.
We all want something fair, in my heart." (nirvana)
so i am starting to figure out why i have no self confidence.
looking back, every single guy i ever really cared about phucked me over for another girl. (this also might slightly explain my dislike of the female species...although i think that issue roots deeper back).
ok recap of how i suck...
aaron- only guy ive ever been in love with... dated him for over a year...he went off to college and got another girlfriend and avoided me instead of telling me it was over.
josh- told me to trust him. begged me to trust him. told me he wouldn't leave me alone till i trusted him... as soon as i started to trust him he cut me off to go out with someone else. wouldn't talk to me. wouldn't tell me why... left me in the dark.
noah- my best friend. trust him more than anyone. so deeply connected...that its uncomprihensible...we would talk every night on the phone...etc etc we were BEST friends...and then he met deborah and fell in love with her and i slowly faded into the best friend who still needed him, still called him, still reaches out to him...but isnt needed anymore cause he's got her. i hate her. and he hardly ever calls me and it kills me...
i hate feeling so uneeded. i hate feeling so vulnerable and ugly and as much as anyone tries to convince me im not... how can it be true when time and time again...everyone i care about abandons me
PLEASE DO NOT post pitty messages... i don't want to hear about how great i am. i don't feel great. and i might puke if any of you try n convince me i am. i just needed to vent...
Could’ve had a heart attack, in my heart.
We don’t know anything, in my heart.
We all want something fair, in my heart." (nirvana)
so i am starting to figure out why i have no self confidence.
looking back, every single guy i ever really cared about phucked me over for another girl. (this also might slightly explain my dislike of the female species...although i think that issue roots deeper back).
ok recap of how i suck...
aaron- only guy ive ever been in love with... dated him for over a year...he went off to college and got another girlfriend and avoided me instead of telling me it was over.
josh- told me to trust him. begged me to trust him. told me he wouldn't leave me alone till i trusted him... as soon as i started to trust him he cut me off to go out with someone else. wouldn't talk to me. wouldn't tell me why... left me in the dark.
noah- my best friend. trust him more than anyone. so deeply connected...that its uncomprihensible...we would talk every night on the phone...etc etc we were BEST friends...and then he met deborah and fell in love with her and i slowly faded into the best friend who still needed him, still called him, still reaches out to him...but isnt needed anymore cause he's got her. i hate her. and he hardly ever calls me and it kills me...
i hate feeling so uneeded. i hate feeling so vulnerable and ugly and as much as anyone tries to convince me im not... how can it be true when time and time again...everyone i care about abandons me
PLEASE DO NOT post pitty messages... i don't want to hear about how great i am. i don't feel great. and i might puke if any of you try n convince me i am. i just needed to vent...