i don't care anymore
2 hours. Thats how long it took me, to make me want to kill myself. I hate this, I hate talking like this, but i can't escape it. It's school. It's always been school. No matter where i go. 2 weeks of holidays, feeling fantastic, and all it took was 2 fucking hours to completely reverse it. This place makes me feel sick. Mentally and physically. I'm not going to pass, i have no future. My self esteem is too low. i can't do anything, bacause i'm paranoid that i'll be belittled, which always happens. Teachers are useless. The only thing they can encourage is the thought of putting a gun to my head. The thought seems so appealing. i want to cry. But i can't. I'm in the library. They will all stare with their sympathetic eyes and that's not what i want. I don't want them to be sympathetic. I want to just be better, and not think these thoughts. I can't tell alex. He just went and got stoned. i can only share this with you because i can't say it verbally. A long as i'm here this sinking feeling won't go away. Sometimes death seems the only way out.