The Nemesis
One of my favorite writers, Chuck Klosterman, has an entire essay about Nemeses. In it, he explains that everyone - whether they know it or not - has a nemesis, and that that person is the person who drives you to succeed more than anyone else. It's someone who was at one point close to you, but whom you've always been competetive with.
I was less than a third of the way through the article when I figured out who my nemesis is. I've always known deep down that she and I had this type of relationship. But it was comforting to hear someone outside myself confirm this sort of phenomenon - that the strange and brutal competition amongst friends can drive you a little insane sometimes.
My nemesis entered graduate school the year after I did. The year that I left school to pursue other lives, she finished her M.A. and moved on to a ph.d at a relatively well-ranked school. Sometimes, for reasons that I can't quite explain, it's difficult for me to separate what she does with her life from what I do with my life - like somehow I feel I should still be in the competition. Even if what I chose to do is different, and even if I'm succeeding at it, I still compare myself to her, almost as though what she's living is some sort of alternate-world version of myself.
Happened to check up on her myspace today and discovered that she's having an article published.
Once again, makes me wonder whether what I'm doing is really the best path for me. I miss the excitement of submitting things, going to conferences, succeeding at a piece of research. As happy as I am with my current job, it isn't the same as research - never will be.
Maybe it's time to get back on the writing horse, even if it's from an independent place.
I was less than a third of the way through the article when I figured out who my nemesis is. I've always known deep down that she and I had this type of relationship. But it was comforting to hear someone outside myself confirm this sort of phenomenon - that the strange and brutal competition amongst friends can drive you a little insane sometimes.
My nemesis entered graduate school the year after I did. The year that I left school to pursue other lives, she finished her M.A. and moved on to a ph.d at a relatively well-ranked school. Sometimes, for reasons that I can't quite explain, it's difficult for me to separate what she does with her life from what I do with my life - like somehow I feel I should still be in the competition. Even if what I chose to do is different, and even if I'm succeeding at it, I still compare myself to her, almost as though what she's living is some sort of alternate-world version of myself.
Happened to check up on her myspace today and discovered that she's having an article published.
Once again, makes me wonder whether what I'm doing is really the best path for me. I miss the excitement of submitting things, going to conferences, succeeding at a piece of research. As happy as I am with my current job, it isn't the same as research - never will be.
Maybe it's time to get back on the writing horse, even if it's from an independent place.