i guess things are looking up but i've been thinking
so things are getting a little bit better i guess. i've been thinking though and that's not good.
so here's the deal...
my car is still out of commission and i have a feeling it's going to stay that way. :( i'll live though... i just hope i can get it running so i can sell the fucking thing and let it be someone else's problem. hahaha... good luck to them. but that's ok because when i went out with my mom and aunt today i found a cute lil tracker for 2 grand. which isn't incredibly awful considering it's wicked cute and a convertible. plus it's got 4 wheel drive for in the winter when i drive to work. so for me it's totally worth it. lately i havent been driving around 58235462 people so it being kinda small isn't a bad thing at all. :) so i'm happy about that. i just need to call the lady that owns it tonight to see if i can take it out for a test drive either tomorrow evening or sunday after work. :) then i'll decide from there if i want it and i'm almost positive i'll love it. :) then i give the lady a deposit to hold it for me so i can get a loan and car insurance and everything. so i'll hopefully have a super cute new car by the end of next week. *crosses fingers* that'll mean that i can't do a lot of the frivalous things that i do now. it means not wasting my money on stuff that i don't need like clothes and stupid shit. i'm obviously going to need to be more responsible with my money and everything else because if not i won't have anything cuz they'll take my car away. but if that's what i need to do then dammit that's what i'll do. however, i will not be willing to give up my shows all together. maybe i will have to cut back on them or only go to shows that i absolutely want to go to or only go to shows where i see it actually worth going to for the money that i'll be spending but that's what i'll do. and if i need to get a second job then i'll do that too. whatever it takes to do better for myself.
i think i've been learning more about myself in the past few days. i need to take initiative myself because if not then i wont be able to do it because no one is going to do it for me if i sit on my ass and don't wanna get it done. so therefore i'm gonna start taking control of everything myself. i can't have people hold my hand all the time but dammit i'm gonna do this and prove to myself that i can stand up for myself and do what i wanna do. i'm tired of everything and i'm ridding myself of all the drama and all the shit that's been plaguing me. so it's over... all the shitty friends... goodbye.
all the drama... see you later. good friends and all things happy.... welcome in and i hope you stay a while. :)
so this is what it's gonna be... and i'm happy about it. since i've had the past few days off i've had time to think about stuff. life in general... what i've been going through at home. how i'm going to spend the rest of my time with holly anne before she runs off to college. me actually going to school in the fall like i want to. getting my act together and do what's best for me. that's what is important to me. and i've realized too that i can't always count on everyone else to help me out with my emotional problems. granted holly, matt, paul, and kel are all there for me i can't always go crying to them when something goes wrong. which led me to thinking... what am i gonna do when my best friend ever (holly anne) leaves for school.
i've been thinking about that lately. what am i gonna do when my holly anne is almost 6 hours away and i can't just call her up and be like hey homieslizzle i'm coming up to visit. *tear* i can't do that when she's out there. what am i gonna do. i feel like when she leaves i'm losing part of my family because essentially that's what holly is to me... family. i love her so much she's one of the greatest people i've ever met. she's just amazing. she's taught me so much about myself and made me be just a better person. not only has she taught me so much about myself she's in a way helped me realize who i really was. and she'll never know how thankful i am of that. we have a bond that no one really understands and that's ok because sometimes i dont understand it either. we just compliment each other so well and i'm glad i have her for my best friend. i really am. she's made me a better person and there are times i can only sit there and be like we truly met out of fate because of everything. she's my rock and that's all i care about. holly, i know you're reading this and i just want you to know that you are and will always be my best friend ever. you mean the world to me and i probably wouldn't have made it as far as i have lately without you. you've ALWAYS been there for me and i know that i can tell you anything and everything and you'll never judge me on it. you've turned me onto new things and helped me prove to myself that i am better than what i sometimes perceive myself to be. you've taught me to be strong willed and stand up for myself and not let everyone treat me like shit. holly you're the greatest person i'll probably ever meet. you've made me open my eyes and broaden my horizions and i always have a good time with you. even if it is just discussing us going to another show or music or how people are incredibly incompetent. you've especially made me realize more about my musical interests. we've fed off each other in liking different musics and although we sometimes dont agree on things it's cool because we know it's ok to be different. and i think that's the greatest thing you've taught me. i've learned through you that wanting to be different and doing so isn't a crime and anyone that doesn't like you for being who you are isn't worth your time. you've made me realize that life is short and you should do what you want with it and be a free spirit. i aspire to be like you in so many ways you'll never know. you are my best friend and i honestly dont know what i'm going to do with myself when you're in new york. i've always known you were amazing but i think you going off to orientation made me realize how much i'm gonna miss you being here. *cries*
the times i've spent with holly have always been memorable and some of you have witnessed or been apart of them like celina. she's been a partner in crime with us for a while. things like.... "slows down... comes to a complete stop", times at lance's shop, the shows we've gone to, the nites at celina's house, 3 am cumby's runs w/ bruce, trips to jersey, northampton, our mcr and sf rants and giggles. just all the good times we've had together. i'm gonna miss it all and when you come i'm gonna be with you the whooole time.
well i'm out everyone... i think i've ranted enough for like 65257 more entries but i feel better now.
leave lj love... xoxo
so here's the deal...
my car is still out of commission and i have a feeling it's going to stay that way. :( i'll live though... i just hope i can get it running so i can sell the fucking thing and let it be someone else's problem. hahaha... good luck to them. but that's ok because when i went out with my mom and aunt today i found a cute lil tracker for 2 grand. which isn't incredibly awful considering it's wicked cute and a convertible. plus it's got 4 wheel drive for in the winter when i drive to work. so for me it's totally worth it. lately i havent been driving around 58235462 people so it being kinda small isn't a bad thing at all. :) so i'm happy about that. i just need to call the lady that owns it tonight to see if i can take it out for a test drive either tomorrow evening or sunday after work. :) then i'll decide from there if i want it and i'm almost positive i'll love it. :) then i give the lady a deposit to hold it for me so i can get a loan and car insurance and everything. so i'll hopefully have a super cute new car by the end of next week. *crosses fingers* that'll mean that i can't do a lot of the frivalous things that i do now. it means not wasting my money on stuff that i don't need like clothes and stupid shit. i'm obviously going to need to be more responsible with my money and everything else because if not i won't have anything cuz they'll take my car away. but if that's what i need to do then dammit that's what i'll do. however, i will not be willing to give up my shows all together. maybe i will have to cut back on them or only go to shows that i absolutely want to go to or only go to shows where i see it actually worth going to for the money that i'll be spending but that's what i'll do. and if i need to get a second job then i'll do that too. whatever it takes to do better for myself.
i think i've been learning more about myself in the past few days. i need to take initiative myself because if not then i wont be able to do it because no one is going to do it for me if i sit on my ass and don't wanna get it done. so therefore i'm gonna start taking control of everything myself. i can't have people hold my hand all the time but dammit i'm gonna do this and prove to myself that i can stand up for myself and do what i wanna do. i'm tired of everything and i'm ridding myself of all the drama and all the shit that's been plaguing me. so it's over... all the shitty friends... goodbye.
all the drama... see you later. good friends and all things happy.... welcome in and i hope you stay a while. :)
so this is what it's gonna be... and i'm happy about it. since i've had the past few days off i've had time to think about stuff. life in general... what i've been going through at home. how i'm going to spend the rest of my time with holly anne before she runs off to college. me actually going to school in the fall like i want to. getting my act together and do what's best for me. that's what is important to me. and i've realized too that i can't always count on everyone else to help me out with my emotional problems. granted holly, matt, paul, and kel are all there for me i can't always go crying to them when something goes wrong. which led me to thinking... what am i gonna do when my best friend ever (holly anne) leaves for school.
i've been thinking about that lately. what am i gonna do when my holly anne is almost 6 hours away and i can't just call her up and be like hey homieslizzle i'm coming up to visit. *tear* i can't do that when she's out there. what am i gonna do. i feel like when she leaves i'm losing part of my family because essentially that's what holly is to me... family. i love her so much she's one of the greatest people i've ever met. she's just amazing. she's taught me so much about myself and made me be just a better person. not only has she taught me so much about myself she's in a way helped me realize who i really was. and she'll never know how thankful i am of that. we have a bond that no one really understands and that's ok because sometimes i dont understand it either. we just compliment each other so well and i'm glad i have her for my best friend. i really am. she's made me a better person and there are times i can only sit there and be like we truly met out of fate because of everything. she's my rock and that's all i care about. holly, i know you're reading this and i just want you to know that you are and will always be my best friend ever. you mean the world to me and i probably wouldn't have made it as far as i have lately without you. you've ALWAYS been there for me and i know that i can tell you anything and everything and you'll never judge me on it. you've turned me onto new things and helped me prove to myself that i am better than what i sometimes perceive myself to be. you've taught me to be strong willed and stand up for myself and not let everyone treat me like shit. holly you're the greatest person i'll probably ever meet. you've made me open my eyes and broaden my horizions and i always have a good time with you. even if it is just discussing us going to another show or music or how people are incredibly incompetent. you've especially made me realize more about my musical interests. we've fed off each other in liking different musics and although we sometimes dont agree on things it's cool because we know it's ok to be different. and i think that's the greatest thing you've taught me. i've learned through you that wanting to be different and doing so isn't a crime and anyone that doesn't like you for being who you are isn't worth your time. you've made me realize that life is short and you should do what you want with it and be a free spirit. i aspire to be like you in so many ways you'll never know. you are my best friend and i honestly dont know what i'm going to do with myself when you're in new york. i've always known you were amazing but i think you going off to orientation made me realize how much i'm gonna miss you being here. *cries*
the times i've spent with holly have always been memorable and some of you have witnessed or been apart of them like celina. she's been a partner in crime with us for a while. things like.... "slows down... comes to a complete stop", times at lance's shop, the shows we've gone to, the nites at celina's house, 3 am cumby's runs w/ bruce, trips to jersey, northampton, our mcr and sf rants and giggles. just all the good times we've had together. i'm gonna miss it all and when you come i'm gonna be with you the whooole time.
well i'm out everyone... i think i've ranted enough for like 65257 more entries but i feel better now.
leave lj love... xoxo