eh
im all alone now, but im going down the cape with katie soon. last night was so lonely, it was the first time all vacation i was alone without any friends. my ex b/f who cheated on me(clay) called me and we talked for a few and my sexy "friend" chris who i guess you could say im dating or some shit, called me last night too. it was adorable, he was cocked. i wish i was.but hes not coming home until june and hes dating some bitch named valyn out there which i'm kinda pissed about but he tells me there not going out, and he likes me alot, plus hes coming home to me, and leaving that bitch back in p.a. so fuck her!i also was talking to this kid i met at the show wed. hes in the band the cadence www.thecadence.com. hes cute, here's his version of a pick up line right, "you look so farmiliar, have i gone out with you before or something?". i thought that was kinda cute in a funny way. but as far as my ex that cheated on me, we talked today about our break up, he gives my these excuses like "im an asshole". sure i know that, but that doesnt dismiss cheating on me. plus we broke up in like early february, and he always brings it up. he brings it up and then once he gets me going he tries to change the subject. i tell him "you don't care about me thats why you did it,just accept it, deep down you don't care about me because your too selfish". and so we argue and argue of course not getting anywhere. just pissing me off because i have a wicked bad temper.but we have the same disorder, this whole stupid depression thing called "boarderline personality disorder". or at least thats what i indentify my depression,anger,dehumanization and many suicide attempts with. and so (clay)and i understand each other very well and i cant say that about many people. its sick almost as if he is my male twin. there is another someone who understands me like this,kinda. he was the first and only person i have been in love with. Ben. but i don't feel like talking about him, it hurts to much and plus,i haven't talked to him in a couple months because his parents sent him to millitary school. i have way too much stupid shit to think about. somehow, every thing and mostly every one i invest myself in become fucking tragic diasters. im done writing for today, i leave you all with one last note "its all so fucking histerical"