Today I could careless......
Even though I fucked up that friendship, I don't feel bad anymore. I could careless about such an apathetic person. His indifference intrigued me yet bored me. Therefore I can't allow myself to care for a person who is unresponsive and shows little feeling to-wards everything. I had an epiphany tonight, unfortunately there is no way to solve my problem except to wait and keep myself busy. Derek you know all about it. On a different note, those that are truly selfish beings and do not give to their friendships will lose those they once loved in the end. Sad but true, friendship is worthless without the giving of one-selves willingness to keep the fire kindled in that friendship. I miss childish things such as cartoons, games, playgrounds, fake tea party's, stuffed animals, swimming in a pool for hours on a hot summers day, etc etc. Children have great ambitions and a innocent view of the world. I am jealous that they are allowed to think the way they do. Sometimes I wont to shout at them and educate them about all the hardships and crap that is expected in their future. I want to take their ambitions and admirations and put them in a blender and then serve it to them as a drink. I want to put their ideas in a grave and show them how they must let things of childish nature die. I want to destroy every playground and toy. Maybe then they will understand how it feels to grow up and be jealous of those younger then them. I know this is natural for a seventeen year old, psychologist say that in our upper teens we tend to become a five year old again. I guess I fall in the gap and conform to that idea, because I would really love to be 5 and not have to worry about half the shit I worry about now. I miss Carrie, damnit I hope she is having a fucking great time in CHINA. I LOVE YOU CARRIE. I must end with saying, FUCK those that can't make decisions, FUCK bush, I would like to have mary jane right now, and goodnight.