Not even home will be with you forever
So, yeah, this drinking thing. I'm stopping it again for a while. I tried to tell myself the same thing I think other people are stupid for saying it.
"I don't do it very often" , "I'm just partying", "Well, it was free", etc.
I am drinking to escape, there's no two ways about it. it's not safe, it's not healthy, it's not me. I hate that I can't control it and I hate what I'm like when I'm drinking. I hate that I can be mean to people who I hold very dearly and would never want to act that way towards. I'm sick of trying to piece together what I did the night before, trying to figure out who I should and shouldn't be embarassed around. I'm done with it. It's sending me into a downward spiral.
Now, why have I been drinking? I'm not happy with my life. I'm not happy with where i live, i'm not happy with my job, i'm not happy with my financial situation, i'm not happy with my house, i'm not happy that i'm not able to participate in things like the cafe and i'm not happy taht i can't see my friends whenever i want.
I was so excited about the possibility of working back in Fredericton again, but it turns out that the probability of that is nil. They aren't sure if the position is even available anymore and if they can secure the money for the contract it probably won't be soon.
I just want to move back to Freddy or Sj or wherever. I was so excited about getting home, selling my house, moving in with rockninja and just getting my life back on track.
What ever happened to the happy, posi guy that i used to be? I think I need to take time to straighten myself out and straighten my own life out...
On a positive note, I cleared up some problems between me and krys and i feel so much better about that now.
"I don't do it very often" , "I'm just partying", "Well, it was free", etc.
I am drinking to escape, there's no two ways about it. it's not safe, it's not healthy, it's not me. I hate that I can't control it and I hate what I'm like when I'm drinking. I hate that I can be mean to people who I hold very dearly and would never want to act that way towards. I'm sick of trying to piece together what I did the night before, trying to figure out who I should and shouldn't be embarassed around. I'm done with it. It's sending me into a downward spiral.
Now, why have I been drinking? I'm not happy with my life. I'm not happy with where i live, i'm not happy with my job, i'm not happy with my financial situation, i'm not happy with my house, i'm not happy that i'm not able to participate in things like the cafe and i'm not happy taht i can't see my friends whenever i want.
I was so excited about the possibility of working back in Fredericton again, but it turns out that the probability of that is nil. They aren't sure if the position is even available anymore and if they can secure the money for the contract it probably won't be soon.
I just want to move back to Freddy or Sj or wherever. I was so excited about getting home, selling my house, moving in with rockninja and just getting my life back on track.
What ever happened to the happy, posi guy that i used to be? I think I need to take time to straighten myself out and straighten my own life out...
On a positive note, I cleared up some problems between me and krys and i feel so much better about that now.