another lame suicide
i feel so alone...my other journals i've kept some happy thoughts, cuz everyone kept beggin me to stay happy for once. but i cant and it's all a lie. im so sad. i want to die, it seems the only logical way right now. i ve fucked up everything in and out of relationships. And now I realize that the one I truly wanted all along, I can't have becuz I fucking forgot he had even told me he had feelings for me and at that time I wasn't over someone else. So I said I needed time. And boy did I take all the fucking time cuz after 2 months I finally remembered that we had talked online..So I've apologized while I was high, cuz I'm too afraid to let down my pride when I'm sober. I can't believe I've lost it again. He says now we'll always only just be friends. That's prolly best, I would've done something horrible to fuck things up even if we had tried. Why do I do this?? I'll never know what I want. I'll never be happy..What should make me stay here?