(no subject)
ah.... so.
this month progressed like this:
uhh, my life is boring, I should do something about it.
hmm, this is kind of interesting....
wow, fascinating.
huh, that's intense...
um ok, that's a little over the top.
ok, enough now...
oh god, this is insane.
no no, this is horrible.
oh no! this is intolerable!
----------------- (I am here)
the aftermath- whatever happens next.
I talked to Jessica and worked things out with her. I think that I just got caught up in my own fears and insecurities and misinterpretations of the situation. there is a very strange level of intimacy between us that I don't understand, but its a little wonky or something... I'm not really sure but I am curious to see what my life will be like after she goes back to Portland.....
I am fascinated by those moments when I fear- when I get a grip on "reality" and say, "this isn't possible, this must not be true," and then freak out. but then its almost always not an issue later on... like, the irrational impossibility is in my favor and it turns out the impossible is true. the weird/interesting part is that I seem to be on everyone's "exceptions" list...."only you, and a few other people, receive _________." I think that I am going to accept it though. I think that I am going to believe that everything is ok, until its not. it does feel good to not have a problem with Jessica any more.. relieving as fuck. she is still going back to Portland though and I cannot predict how it will be when she gone.... she has permeated my entire life. I think it will be ok. I think I'm ok again.
hey wow.... I think that I am ok again.
this month progressed like this:
uhh, my life is boring, I should do something about it.
hmm, this is kind of interesting....
wow, fascinating.
huh, that's intense...
um ok, that's a little over the top.
ok, enough now...
oh god, this is insane.
no no, this is horrible.
oh no! this is intolerable!
----------------- (I am here)
the aftermath- whatever happens next.
I talked to Jessica and worked things out with her. I think that I just got caught up in my own fears and insecurities and misinterpretations of the situation. there is a very strange level of intimacy between us that I don't understand, but its a little wonky or something... I'm not really sure but I am curious to see what my life will be like after she goes back to Portland.....
I am fascinated by those moments when I fear- when I get a grip on "reality" and say, "this isn't possible, this must not be true," and then freak out. but then its almost always not an issue later on... like, the irrational impossibility is in my favor and it turns out the impossible is true. the weird/interesting part is that I seem to be on everyone's "exceptions" list...."only you, and a few other people, receive _________." I think that I am going to accept it though. I think that I am going to believe that everything is ok, until its not. it does feel good to not have a problem with Jessica any more.. relieving as fuck. she is still going back to Portland though and I cannot predict how it will be when she gone.... she has permeated my entire life. I think it will be ok. I think I'm ok again.
hey wow.... I think that I am ok again.