I am truly forgotten...
Wow. I had like full page written and it al just got deleted. Let's try this again. I'm feeling pretty down right now. I know it's not the worst thing in the world or everyone should feel bad for me I really don't care I just feel like typing. You would never guess how depressing the new Billy Talent cd is. I was driving home from work today listening to it. Not the lyrics reallly just the beats. It got me thinking of my birthday. Not the day itself just how my family decides to forget about me. I realized how much my grandma actually cared for me and how much she reminded everyone of me. Now that she's passed on everyone seems to forget everything she had told them. I just like to say payback is a bitch. I really don't like my mom's side of the family anymore. They always seem to take care of them selves before they even try to make someone elses day. My mom and my aunt were discussing a gas bill or something for a house in New York and my mom asked my aunt if she wished me a happy birthday yet. She fucking forgot. She told my mom to forward an E-Mail saying she's sorry she forgot and that she was going to send my present A.S.A.P. It's been 11 days now and nothing. Not like I fucking care. My older cousins forgot too. My cousin Renee called to talk to my mom about rent for her apartment but before I gave my mom the phone she asked me how everything was and how I was doing. I told her it was my birthday. Her voice went into complete shock. She forgot too. Everyone in my moms family did. This just adds to the pile that continues to grow of things that I have to bring payback to. As payback for my aunt me and my family aren't going to my aunt's 50th party. Not calling. No present. No nothing. And you know what, they probably wont care. Renee just recently got married. They had pictures of Renee, Cheech, My aunt and my other cousin stephanie. The groom, Mario, had his entire family. My cousin forgot about me again. I'm supposedly her "favorite" cousin. This is a cousin who promises me for a good 7-8 years that she is going to come up to Connecticut for a weekend to visit me. What do I get. Absolutly nothing. I know this much at my wedding if I have pictures like she did throughout the ceremony, she wont be in a single one. I'll have her sister in it but not her. Not my aunt either. They forget about me so why can't I forget about them? I miss my Grandma so much right now. I don't know what to do. I may have not liked her at times but God damn me if I never loved her as much as she loved me. Her only Grandson. I only wish I could have spent more time with her. I wish I could go back in time and just be there with her. Seeing my family forget about me just really shows how much my grandma cared. She took the time to actually think about me and remind everyone else about me. To think if my grandma passed away years ago would my family even know I existed? Would they care about me any less than they already do? I don't want to even consider them my family anymore. I don't want to see them, I don't want to think about them I don't want to know them. Why do I care so much about what they think of me if I am lucky to see them once a year? I hate them...