GRRRR
things are not looking good. billy went for x-rays today but he still seemed pissy from last nite. apparently he got to some drinking after lights out. he doesnt think hes gonna get a med board which really sucks for us cause it means no more money! BLAH! no more money means no more life. i yelled at him cause hes thinking about going awol and i was like "you son of a bitch dont you even fuckin think about it cause that means we get fucked and we need money to fucking live. and dont tell me that well go and live in the woods somewhere cause i need doctors and contacts and tampons just like normal people do!" and i got it all off my chest and it was good. bonnie told me that his grandma thinks its my fault that hes depressed which pissed me off cause i love him more than fucking anything and if im making him that way then he shouldnt have fuckin married me! after i got off the phone with him i went up to my room and cried while listening to the used. i sat on the floor and bawled. i havent cried like that since... well since last month if ya get my drift but i needed it. i needed to let it all go. i felt so much better afterwards and i decided that for valentines day im going to make billy a mixed CD of all the songs that remind me of us. so far ive got a pretty good selection.. i guess ill just have to wait and see what happens. grr i hate time. why does it always seem to go so slow when we hate it and so fast when we dont?