"It's Time"
"It's time."
Those words carry such significance for me. I recently read them in a friend's journal documenting her internship in Colorado and felt inspired to think aloud about them. Every time I see those words it brings such emotion to the very top and bottom of me. So as my eyes ran across her journal entry, within me I felt this stirring butterfly-type feeling all over again.
Flashback 6 years ago to the summer before I went to college.
I had been looking forward to getting away to college with such anxiety and anticipation. Part of me could not wait to get away and move on with my life. Part of me couldn't wait for this new, exciting chapter of my life to unfold and part of me was so greatly looking forward to all that was ahead of me. However, part of me felt this stirring, whirling sense of uneasiness brewing within my stomach. I looked at that day with dread. I didn't know what was coming and I didn't know what was in store. The unknown kept my feelings of excitement docked until I knew certainty.
I awoke the morning I was to leave to my dad gently shaking me awake and saying, "Come on, Brianne...it's time." Though it seemed impossible to completely open my eyes and I rubbed my sleepy eyes to awareness, I could see the welled-up tears in his eyes as he said this. To him, he was losing his little girl.
It was not only time to wake up, but it was time to move on. It was time to let go.
Flashforward to the present.
I am 8 days away from getting married. I have that same strange sense of excitement and anxiety. I think I've lived the past couple days nonstop with butterflies. Part of me is extremely excited to finally be marrying the man that I love and to know that I won't have to say goodbye anymore. Yet, part of me is racked with the discomfort of our unknown future. What changes in all those couples that love each other when they get married and a few years down the road can't stand to be in the same room as each other? I know I don't want to be those couples, but I'm sure they didn't either. I teeter between varying degrees of joy and depression and can't seem to find a normal balance. Yet, when people ask, I answer, "Oh yes, very excited." And I am...but somehow those feelings of nervousness are not as widely accepted as the societal more of the blushing bride.
I think what I'm going to have to do is approach this day with the knowledge of what happened when I went away to school. Though an entirely different situation, I feel the similarities are there. There is that simultaneous anticipation and trepidation. You can't get wet if you don't jump in the water. I'm worried about the emotions that my dad will feel on that day. I'm worried that I will look up at him at the end of the aisle and his eyes will say all over again, "Come on, Brianne...it's time."
I often wonder if he remembers that morning like I do. I'd like to ask him, but it's hard for me. Though I know how the story ends and that in the long run everything was fine as I went away to school, the emotion of that morning still pumps strong through me as if it had happened yesterday.
I can only imagine what the morning of my wedding will feel like and even still the morning after. This is a new chapter in my life about to unfold and this is me jumping into the unknown. I may not know where I'm landing but I know that I've got to take the leap.
"Come on, Brianne...it's time."
Those words carry such significance for me. I recently read them in a friend's journal documenting her internship in Colorado and felt inspired to think aloud about them. Every time I see those words it brings such emotion to the very top and bottom of me. So as my eyes ran across her journal entry, within me I felt this stirring butterfly-type feeling all over again.
Flashback 6 years ago to the summer before I went to college.
I had been looking forward to getting away to college with such anxiety and anticipation. Part of me could not wait to get away and move on with my life. Part of me couldn't wait for this new, exciting chapter of my life to unfold and part of me was so greatly looking forward to all that was ahead of me. However, part of me felt this stirring, whirling sense of uneasiness brewing within my stomach. I looked at that day with dread. I didn't know what was coming and I didn't know what was in store. The unknown kept my feelings of excitement docked until I knew certainty.
I awoke the morning I was to leave to my dad gently shaking me awake and saying, "Come on, Brianne...it's time." Though it seemed impossible to completely open my eyes and I rubbed my sleepy eyes to awareness, I could see the welled-up tears in his eyes as he said this. To him, he was losing his little girl.
It was not only time to wake up, but it was time to move on. It was time to let go.
Flashforward to the present.
I am 8 days away from getting married. I have that same strange sense of excitement and anxiety. I think I've lived the past couple days nonstop with butterflies. Part of me is extremely excited to finally be marrying the man that I love and to know that I won't have to say goodbye anymore. Yet, part of me is racked with the discomfort of our unknown future. What changes in all those couples that love each other when they get married and a few years down the road can't stand to be in the same room as each other? I know I don't want to be those couples, but I'm sure they didn't either. I teeter between varying degrees of joy and depression and can't seem to find a normal balance. Yet, when people ask, I answer, "Oh yes, very excited." And I am...but somehow those feelings of nervousness are not as widely accepted as the societal more of the blushing bride.
I think what I'm going to have to do is approach this day with the knowledge of what happened when I went away to school. Though an entirely different situation, I feel the similarities are there. There is that simultaneous anticipation and trepidation. You can't get wet if you don't jump in the water. I'm worried about the emotions that my dad will feel on that day. I'm worried that I will look up at him at the end of the aisle and his eyes will say all over again, "Come on, Brianne...it's time."
I often wonder if he remembers that morning like I do. I'd like to ask him, but it's hard for me. Though I know how the story ends and that in the long run everything was fine as I went away to school, the emotion of that morning still pumps strong through me as if it had happened yesterday.
I can only imagine what the morning of my wedding will feel like and even still the morning after. This is a new chapter in my life about to unfold and this is me jumping into the unknown. I may not know where I'm landing but I know that I've got to take the leap.
"Come on, Brianne...it's time."