i miss my friend.
I was looking at pictures today from college and it made me reminiscent and somewhat depressed. The reason for this is something that makes me feel kind of awkward to say, but hey, it's me. I miss my best friend.
I always kind of knew it would end like this. This is how it always ended with her. I saw it over and over again with all her other friends from various points in her life and actually it was kind of what I liked about her. I liked that she didn't hold onto the past. She lived for the present and when things didn't work out, she just let go of them. It seemed kind of cold and heartless to a lot of people, so much that she was deemed in our circle as "the ice woman."
We did everything together. We even lived together one year. We almost became like an inseparable pair. It wasn't just me; it was me and her...on everything...and I liked it. I could always count on a fun time with her whether we were dancing it up at the bars in Charleston or just lounging around for hours at a time watching marathons of "Sex and the City." We confided in each other about the various goings-on in each other's lives and made plans for things that were exciting and sometimes just plain silly. We had escape routes for creeps at the bar and had a perfected system of "getting ready" before we would go out on the weekends.
I knew things would be different when we graduated and weren't encased by that college town anymore, but I never expected things to turn out the way they did. I left after undergrad and she stayed to get her master's. We still talked semi-faithfully on the phone and when I would come down to visit, I'd always stay at her place. Jared would also make a point of coming back to school that weekend as it was a nice "meeting point" for our 6-hour difference. In my opinion, it was always a good time. It was just like being back in college again....some time out with the girls, sometime out with the boys, and sometimes just out with "the boy."
Well as it went, one weekend we all were back for another "reunion" of sorts. For some reason, something was different. She and another friend had grown cold toward me. I felt strange and uncomfortable in their presence and felt like an outsider. 'It's just change It happens,' the other friend and I had previously discussed. We had kind of grown apart. The two of them were spending more time together and had more stories together and referred back to them often. It made me feel kind of like an outsider, but I just figured that was part of growing up. I'm still not exactly sure of the progression of the rest of the events that weekend, but I do know that I've never felt more awful in all my life. Typically when you get in a fight, disagreement, argument, whatever with someone, you know what went wrong and what was going on. I didn't have that. I just knew that when I split up my time between the girls, the boys and "the boy" as I always had, something had changed. When I would come back from time with the others, answers from her were short, curt and distant. I took it as a bad day and just kind of ignored it and tried to play things off like normal. It didn't work. Things just seemed to get worse and worse.
By the end of the weekend, she wasn't even speaking to me. I tried to confront her about it, but the thing that had always made her unique blew up in my face. I had become another person on that blacklist and things weren't coming back. I left Charleston that day knowing things were going to be different, but I didn't expect them to turn out like this. I tried a few times after that to call her...most recently about 3 months ago, I believe. She won't return my calls.
The other friend and I still remain civil. We talked after that weekend and agreed that things were going to be different now. We both expressed how that weekend had hurt us and damaged us, but I know that we're on ok terms. If I were to see her, it would still bring joy to me and we could even sit and catch up for a while. That's just how we've always been. We're silly together and when it gets down to it, I know that if I needed her, she'd be there for me in an instant and I her. With the other, I can't say the same as much as I wish I could.
I live only about 5 minutes away from where her parents live...I'm not even sure if she still lives out here. My phone broke last month and so I don't have her phone number anymore. It's been over a year since I last spoke to or saw my best friend. I'm not even sure if she knows that I'm getting married. I half hope that I'll run into her one day around here and we can just...talk, but I fear she'd keep on walking. That's just her. I want so badly to just see her and laugh with her and exchange stories with her again, but I don't know when that will be.
So hey, if you happen to see my best friend, tell her to give me a call. I miss her.
I always kind of knew it would end like this. This is how it always ended with her. I saw it over and over again with all her other friends from various points in her life and actually it was kind of what I liked about her. I liked that she didn't hold onto the past. She lived for the present and when things didn't work out, she just let go of them. It seemed kind of cold and heartless to a lot of people, so much that she was deemed in our circle as "the ice woman."
We did everything together. We even lived together one year. We almost became like an inseparable pair. It wasn't just me; it was me and her...on everything...and I liked it. I could always count on a fun time with her whether we were dancing it up at the bars in Charleston or just lounging around for hours at a time watching marathons of "Sex and the City." We confided in each other about the various goings-on in each other's lives and made plans for things that were exciting and sometimes just plain silly. We had escape routes for creeps at the bar and had a perfected system of "getting ready" before we would go out on the weekends.
I knew things would be different when we graduated and weren't encased by that college town anymore, but I never expected things to turn out the way they did. I left after undergrad and she stayed to get her master's. We still talked semi-faithfully on the phone and when I would come down to visit, I'd always stay at her place. Jared would also make a point of coming back to school that weekend as it was a nice "meeting point" for our 6-hour difference. In my opinion, it was always a good time. It was just like being back in college again....some time out with the girls, sometime out with the boys, and sometimes just out with "the boy."
Well as it went, one weekend we all were back for another "reunion" of sorts. For some reason, something was different. She and another friend had grown cold toward me. I felt strange and uncomfortable in their presence and felt like an outsider. 'It's just change It happens,' the other friend and I had previously discussed. We had kind of grown apart. The two of them were spending more time together and had more stories together and referred back to them often. It made me feel kind of like an outsider, but I just figured that was part of growing up. I'm still not exactly sure of the progression of the rest of the events that weekend, but I do know that I've never felt more awful in all my life. Typically when you get in a fight, disagreement, argument, whatever with someone, you know what went wrong and what was going on. I didn't have that. I just knew that when I split up my time between the girls, the boys and "the boy" as I always had, something had changed. When I would come back from time with the others, answers from her were short, curt and distant. I took it as a bad day and just kind of ignored it and tried to play things off like normal. It didn't work. Things just seemed to get worse and worse.
By the end of the weekend, she wasn't even speaking to me. I tried to confront her about it, but the thing that had always made her unique blew up in my face. I had become another person on that blacklist and things weren't coming back. I left Charleston that day knowing things were going to be different, but I didn't expect them to turn out like this. I tried a few times after that to call her...most recently about 3 months ago, I believe. She won't return my calls.
The other friend and I still remain civil. We talked after that weekend and agreed that things were going to be different now. We both expressed how that weekend had hurt us and damaged us, but I know that we're on ok terms. If I were to see her, it would still bring joy to me and we could even sit and catch up for a while. That's just how we've always been. We're silly together and when it gets down to it, I know that if I needed her, she'd be there for me in an instant and I her. With the other, I can't say the same as much as I wish I could.
I live only about 5 minutes away from where her parents live...I'm not even sure if she still lives out here. My phone broke last month and so I don't have her phone number anymore. It's been over a year since I last spoke to or saw my best friend. I'm not even sure if she knows that I'm getting married. I half hope that I'll run into her one day around here and we can just...talk, but I fear she'd keep on walking. That's just her. I want so badly to just see her and laugh with her and exchange stories with her again, but I don't know when that will be.
So hey, if you happen to see my best friend, tell her to give me a call. I miss her.