Apr 10, 2008 10:53
Where is the line between devotion and obsession? When does motivation become pathetic? I've been chasing this dream through nine years of college education. Nine goddamn years! I had an appointment with the Dean of Biology today and her first question was, "What are you doing?" She had seen that I have over 230 hours of college credit, I've graduated, and yet I'm still in school. I had no good answer except that I am trying to get into vet school. Somewhat to my relief, that seemed to satisfy her curiosity. However, it does beg the question. What the hell am I doing? I feel like I've slowly given up everything I want at the moment for what may be in the future. While I have managed to get an alternate position at Auburn, I have learned over the years that there is no such thing as sure thing. I can't think of a single other thing I would be happy doing, but I'm sick and tired of feeling like I haven't made any progress in life. I am the Red Queen...running as fast as I can just to stay where I'm at. I see everyone getting into serious relationships, buying houses, having kids, and the whole nine yards. Not that I necessarily want any of those things right now, but I haven't had time to even pursue going where I want because I never know where I might be in a year. Hell of it is...I can't give it up. Despite all natural inclinations to give up and move on have failed. I have to be a vet. I just can't decide on how pathetic that really is.