A Gunshot to the Head of Trepidation
It's been 19 weeks since my last entry.
YOU MAKE ME FUCKING ILL.
I hope you die...I hope we BOTH die.
You make my stomach churn and ache. I want to vomit forth scopions and wasps to eliminate the foul taste you leave in my mouth. I want to blind my eyes with fire to erase the image of your face. I feel like my blood has been corrupted from you, and I have to purge it al immediately. The gravity of my hate makes my limbs heavy, and if I had the strength to move I'd slaughter you. I scream my fury into the night, my throat raw and my screams become whispers by the dawn.
Why did I try at all? I guess I thought you were different. I knew it was dangerous to care, but your honeyed words defeated my better judgement. A wolf in human clothing, but that doesn't make me a human at all.
LOVE.
If you had the vaguest idea of what that is, I'd be fucking startled.
You said you loved me. "I like knowing you very much" is what you meant to say. But me, in my foolishness, took your words at face value. Silly me. Who knew girls were such liars?
I warned you, I warned you, I WARNED YOU.
I said I was NO GOOD. At least I was honest. You didn't care. Then when YOU get hurt its a tragedy. When I get hurt, it was whatever. FUCK YOU.
I really cared at first. Every scrap of info I could get about you was what I lived for. But then I realized you were another flawed diamond. Worthless as a hunk of stone. If it wasn't about you, it wasn't worth talking about. Not that I wanted to talk about me, fuck, there was nothing to say. I just wanted to have a two way conversation. Not possible with you. Then you stopped talking altogether. How was I to fill the void? Damned if I'd talk about you, then we'd be back at phase one. "How was your day?" "IT WAS HELL." "I'm sorry." FEEL THE LOVE......................
In closing, I hope you got what you wanted from me. You gave me the companionship I craved, and you added a victim to your list. Winners all around.
SEE YOU IN HELL.
(FOR EVERY GIRL I'VE EVER LOVED)
YOU MAKE ME FUCKING ILL.
I hope you die...I hope we BOTH die.
You make my stomach churn and ache. I want to vomit forth scopions and wasps to eliminate the foul taste you leave in my mouth. I want to blind my eyes with fire to erase the image of your face. I feel like my blood has been corrupted from you, and I have to purge it al immediately. The gravity of my hate makes my limbs heavy, and if I had the strength to move I'd slaughter you. I scream my fury into the night, my throat raw and my screams become whispers by the dawn.
Why did I try at all? I guess I thought you were different. I knew it was dangerous to care, but your honeyed words defeated my better judgement. A wolf in human clothing, but that doesn't make me a human at all.
LOVE.
If you had the vaguest idea of what that is, I'd be fucking startled.
You said you loved me. "I like knowing you very much" is what you meant to say. But me, in my foolishness, took your words at face value. Silly me. Who knew girls were such liars?
I warned you, I warned you, I WARNED YOU.
I said I was NO GOOD. At least I was honest. You didn't care. Then when YOU get hurt its a tragedy. When I get hurt, it was whatever. FUCK YOU.
I really cared at first. Every scrap of info I could get about you was what I lived for. But then I realized you were another flawed diamond. Worthless as a hunk of stone. If it wasn't about you, it wasn't worth talking about. Not that I wanted to talk about me, fuck, there was nothing to say. I just wanted to have a two way conversation. Not possible with you. Then you stopped talking altogether. How was I to fill the void? Damned if I'd talk about you, then we'd be back at phase one. "How was your day?" "IT WAS HELL." "I'm sorry." FEEL THE LOVE......................
In closing, I hope you got what you wanted from me. You gave me the companionship I craved, and you added a victim to your list. Winners all around.
SEE YOU IN HELL.
(FOR EVERY GIRL I'VE EVER LOVED)