WARNING. VERY EMO.
Wow. I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hate my mother.
I'm not joking either. When people are like "Oh, you don't mean that. You can't hate your mother.", it's like...that doesn't apply to me, because I JUST CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE THE ANGER THAT MY MOTHER PUTS ME THROUGH.
So, um, after she screamed at me today, she came back in my room 6 more times within about 6 minutes to scream at me some more. And she's coming back NOW. I can hear her walking to the door. Cool. Love it.
I wish it was just like the old days. When Dayna and I would spend weeks on end together just doing nothing and not having to deal with our parents. I wish there weren't any guys or hormones or grades or concerns about college. I'm afraid I'm not going to do well in life. I'm afraid I'm going to let myself down and not have the best that I can have. I'm afraid I'm not going to accomplish my dreams. I'm afraid I'm going to loose all of the people who are close to me. I'm afraid that my mom is...I don't know what I'm afraid of.
I just wish I could go back to 1995. Spending days with Dayna at the farm, running around like little kids, no cares in the world. I wish It was summer and I could go to camp and be around the people I love and not have to deal with my mom or dad. I wish Marian and Claire hadn't put me through all of that. I wish I wasn't so materialistic. I wish I didn't overanalyze things to the extent that it makes my head hurt. I wish it was just me and Dayna. I wish my mom wasn't so mad about the smallest things on the earth. I wish I could just leave Arkansas and fly to New York and live there. I wish I could drive. I wish I could JUST FUCKING LIVE.
I WISH EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL. I wish life wasn't so awkward and things weren't based on looks.
I"m afraid I'm not going to live in New York. I'm afraid I'm not going to be a writer. I'm afraid I'm not going to get into NYU. I'm afraid all of my friends hate me. I'm afraid my mom is going to leave and never come back, even though I despise her. I'm deathly afraid that my mom is going to die, and I'm not going to have that prescence in my life. I'm afraid that all of my friends are going to fuck up and blame me. I'm afraid that none of my friends really like me for who I am. I'm afraid that the world as we know it is going to become a royal fuck up.
I wish Spanish class wasn't so boring. I wish my mom would like my school better and stop bitching about sending me to Central. I wish I could get into Parkview. I wish I was a really talented artist. I wish our school was more diverse and open minded. I wish I would stop having these awful thoughts. I wish my mom was nicer to me. I wish my dad wasn't such a push over. I wish my parent's didn't fight so much. I wish it was kindergarten and I could hang out all day with Mrs. Connie, doing nothing, not thinking about the future. I wish I wasn't so tempramental. I wish I wasn't pmsing. I wish I could have a do-over of today. I wish I was in college. I wish I was cooler. I wish I was prettier. I wish I didn't cry so much. I wish I didn't emarass myself so much. I wish I wasn't so hyper. I wish I didn't care what people think.
But sometimes I do. And I wish I didn't.
I wish that everyone wasn't so narrow minded. I wish dreams were reality. I wish that there were more people like...the cool people that I like (you know who you are). I wish my life wasn't as complicated. I wish that my mom wouldn't change her mind so much. I wish that the wishes you made on stars really came true.
Wouldn't that be cool? I remeber when I was little, I would always wish for as much Nestle Quick as possible, because I was OBSESSED with it.
I'm afraid that
I'm afraid of life. And what it has in store for me. I'm afraid of dying, of not living life as much as I want it before I die. I'm afraid of religion, of God, of faith.
I don't know what to believe. I wish I did. I wish we had better guys in our grade. Because all the ones we have now SUCK. I wish I could just laugh things off, without a care in the world.
But I can't.
I wish my mom would just leave me alone. I wish music would solve the world's problems. I wish all of my friends could just live together in one big house without all the world's problems and no one would ever be unhappy and we would all just cry tears of joy and live happily ever after. I wish that I could just leave Arkansas. I wish I could go to Krogers right now. I wish mosquitoes didn't exist. I really wish I could go to Memphis in May and see Seether and the Killers. I wish that I could go toI wish that technology wasn't so unreliable and that my laptop didn't just shut down, deleting all my wishes and fears that I had written.
I'm afraid that none of my friends like me for who I am. I'm afraid that I'll loose someone close to me and it'll take me by surprise and just overwhelm me. I'm afraid that my life isnt going to be complete without that one special person. I'm so afraid I'll never find that person. I mean, come on, there's so many people in the world. How the hell am I supossed to find ONE that is my other peice.
I wish that my mom and I got along better. I wish that hormones didn't exist and menopause didn't exist. I wish that life was challenging, but still easy. I wish life was random. I wish coffee could just appear on your desktop when you wanted it. Like "HEY I WANT SOME COFFEE." Zap. You've got a Starbucks on your desk. I wish there was no such thing as fatness.
I wish that I was smarter. I wish I didn't cry as much. I wish there was NO SUCH THING AS MOODSWINGS. I wish that I could be in LR for Seether's performance. I really wish I could go to Memphis in May and see Seether and The Killers. I wish that I wasn't fucking grounded on my birthday. I wish that I wasn't so fragile. I wish I didn't keep thinking such horrible thoughts. I wish the world was more mature. I wish that I wasn't so emotional. I wish that music could make everything better. But it can't.
But I'm afraid none of my wishes will come true.
I'm not joking either. When people are like "Oh, you don't mean that. You can't hate your mother.", it's like...that doesn't apply to me, because I JUST CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE THE ANGER THAT MY MOTHER PUTS ME THROUGH.
So, um, after she screamed at me today, she came back in my room 6 more times within about 6 minutes to scream at me some more. And she's coming back NOW. I can hear her walking to the door. Cool. Love it.
I wish it was just like the old days. When Dayna and I would spend weeks on end together just doing nothing and not having to deal with our parents. I wish there weren't any guys or hormones or grades or concerns about college. I'm afraid I'm not going to do well in life. I'm afraid I'm going to let myself down and not have the best that I can have. I'm afraid I'm not going to accomplish my dreams. I'm afraid I'm going to loose all of the people who are close to me. I'm afraid that my mom is...I don't know what I'm afraid of.
I just wish I could go back to 1995. Spending days with Dayna at the farm, running around like little kids, no cares in the world. I wish It was summer and I could go to camp and be around the people I love and not have to deal with my mom or dad. I wish Marian and Claire hadn't put me through all of that. I wish I wasn't so materialistic. I wish I didn't overanalyze things to the extent that it makes my head hurt. I wish it was just me and Dayna. I wish my mom wasn't so mad about the smallest things on the earth. I wish I could just leave Arkansas and fly to New York and live there. I wish I could drive. I wish I could JUST FUCKING LIVE.
I WISH EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL. I wish life wasn't so awkward and things weren't based on looks.
I"m afraid I'm not going to live in New York. I'm afraid I'm not going to be a writer. I'm afraid I'm not going to get into NYU. I'm afraid all of my friends hate me. I'm afraid my mom is going to leave and never come back, even though I despise her. I'm deathly afraid that my mom is going to die, and I'm not going to have that prescence in my life. I'm afraid that all of my friends are going to fuck up and blame me. I'm afraid that none of my friends really like me for who I am. I'm afraid that the world as we know it is going to become a royal fuck up.
I wish Spanish class wasn't so boring. I wish my mom would like my school better and stop bitching about sending me to Central. I wish I could get into Parkview. I wish I was a really talented artist. I wish our school was more diverse and open minded. I wish I would stop having these awful thoughts. I wish my mom was nicer to me. I wish my dad wasn't such a push over. I wish my parent's didn't fight so much. I wish it was kindergarten and I could hang out all day with Mrs. Connie, doing nothing, not thinking about the future. I wish I wasn't so tempramental. I wish I wasn't pmsing. I wish I could have a do-over of today. I wish I was in college. I wish I was cooler. I wish I was prettier. I wish I didn't cry so much. I wish I didn't emarass myself so much. I wish I wasn't so hyper. I wish I didn't care what people think.
But sometimes I do. And I wish I didn't.
I wish that everyone wasn't so narrow minded. I wish dreams were reality. I wish that there were more people like...the cool people that I like (you know who you are). I wish my life wasn't as complicated. I wish that my mom wouldn't change her mind so much. I wish that the wishes you made on stars really came true.
Wouldn't that be cool? I remeber when I was little, I would always wish for as much Nestle Quick as possible, because I was OBSESSED with it.
I'm afraid that
I'm afraid of life. And what it has in store for me. I'm afraid of dying, of not living life as much as I want it before I die. I'm afraid of religion, of God, of faith.
I don't know what to believe. I wish I did. I wish we had better guys in our grade. Because all the ones we have now SUCK. I wish I could just laugh things off, without a care in the world.
But I can't.
I wish my mom would just leave me alone. I wish music would solve the world's problems. I wish all of my friends could just live together in one big house without all the world's problems and no one would ever be unhappy and we would all just cry tears of joy and live happily ever after. I wish that I could just leave Arkansas. I wish I could go to Krogers right now. I wish mosquitoes didn't exist. I really wish I could go to Memphis in May and see Seether and the Killers. I wish that I could go toI wish that technology wasn't so unreliable and that my laptop didn't just shut down, deleting all my wishes and fears that I had written.
I'm afraid that none of my friends like me for who I am. I'm afraid that I'll loose someone close to me and it'll take me by surprise and just overwhelm me. I'm afraid that my life isnt going to be complete without that one special person. I'm so afraid I'll never find that person. I mean, come on, there's so many people in the world. How the hell am I supossed to find ONE that is my other peice.
I wish that my mom and I got along better. I wish that hormones didn't exist and menopause didn't exist. I wish that life was challenging, but still easy. I wish life was random. I wish coffee could just appear on your desktop when you wanted it. Like "HEY I WANT SOME COFFEE." Zap. You've got a Starbucks on your desk. I wish there was no such thing as fatness.
I wish that I was smarter. I wish I didn't cry as much. I wish there was NO SUCH THING AS MOODSWINGS. I wish that I could be in LR for Seether's performance. I really wish I could go to Memphis in May and see Seether and The Killers. I wish that I wasn't fucking grounded on my birthday. I wish that I wasn't so fragile. I wish I didn't keep thinking such horrible thoughts. I wish the world was more mature. I wish that I wasn't so emotional. I wish that music could make everything better. But it can't.
But I'm afraid none of my wishes will come true.