(no subject)
Sugarcult definetly fits my mood rightn now, any mood im in, they usually fit, which is probably why they're my fav band.
I couldn't sleep last night
My ears were ringing in my head
Best friends with the boogie man
I may be better off here dead
Running on empty once again
Too tired for tears I dread
Sink deep into those magic dreams
While I blast off in my bed
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
Since I changed my name
Three hours later and i'm staring at the ceiling still
Xanax does nothing more but calm the sleeping thrill
Turning the pillows round and round to find the cold spot for my head
Ah, bless my only friend
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
And everyone turns tricks for fickle fame
I feel my body's lost control
My knees get weak as I drift away
And it gets darker, darker
Dreaming's where I am
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
Since I changed my name
I talked to jon's suitemate today, and he convinced me to go talk to him. So i walked over there, and fucking have a panic attack on the way(yes, hyperventilating and all) and i get there, an dhe is not even there. He was accross the hal apparently.... I dont know, i want to talk to him, but I juts dont know what i have to sya, I have so much emotion over this, and im freaking. He's locked himself in his room basically since he ehard something in Saga about someone having a threesome, and he told his suitemate that it was someone special to his year......Im confused. It myt be me cause someone was trying to convince me to have a threesome(which i said no to) but im not going give myself the priviledge of him even caring about me at this point. fuck.
I dont know, i just want to cry right now, but i dont wnat anyone to see. I want to eat too, a bunch of chocolate or something, anything at this point.
I dont know if i wnat to stay at st marys.......i love it here, but i dont know if its right for me. I am a huge mess of emotion, sorry, none of this will make sense.
i need to start writing again, just writing, without any thought. it was relaxing, i nee dthe right environment, like a dark room, my laptop, candles, and music (aka sugarcult) an di wil be fine, but i dont hav ethat here. I hate it. I mean, at homne i could be alone and not worry about anything like all of this, but here its a whole new life.
i want my own place......where i can clear everything out if i need to. people, things, worries, life in general.
"Something's gotta change again; I'm losing, my inspirations gone, oh no oh no; Seeing through some different eyes; I can't find, my medications failed, again again; I can feel a change; I can feel, can you feel it; See it on the street watching heat from the pavement; Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here; Everything's feeling unclear; I wish it was raining; Cause I hate every beautiful day" - Hate evry beautiful day, sugarcult
i hope also that i can talk to some people that i havent talked to in awhile, aka Pat, Los, Brian, Scott, Chris, Nick, George. And Pat, if you read this, why are you mad at me? I am so confused. Can we please talk?
I couldn't sleep last night
My ears were ringing in my head
Best friends with the boogie man
I may be better off here dead
Running on empty once again
Too tired for tears I dread
Sink deep into those magic dreams
While I blast off in my bed
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
Since I changed my name
Three hours later and i'm staring at the ceiling still
Xanax does nothing more but calm the sleeping thrill
Turning the pillows round and round to find the cold spot for my head
Ah, bless my only friend
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
And everyone turns tricks for fickle fame
I feel my body's lost control
My knees get weak as I drift away
And it gets darker, darker
Dreaming's where I am
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
Since I changed my name
I talked to jon's suitemate today, and he convinced me to go talk to him. So i walked over there, and fucking have a panic attack on the way(yes, hyperventilating and all) and i get there, an dhe is not even there. He was accross the hal apparently.... I dont know, i want to talk to him, but I juts dont know what i have to sya, I have so much emotion over this, and im freaking. He's locked himself in his room basically since he ehard something in Saga about someone having a threesome, and he told his suitemate that it was someone special to his year......Im confused. It myt be me cause someone was trying to convince me to have a threesome(which i said no to) but im not going give myself the priviledge of him even caring about me at this point. fuck.
I dont know, i just want to cry right now, but i dont wnat anyone to see. I want to eat too, a bunch of chocolate or something, anything at this point.
I dont know if i wnat to stay at st marys.......i love it here, but i dont know if its right for me. I am a huge mess of emotion, sorry, none of this will make sense.
i need to start writing again, just writing, without any thought. it was relaxing, i nee dthe right environment, like a dark room, my laptop, candles, and music (aka sugarcult) an di wil be fine, but i dont hav ethat here. I hate it. I mean, at homne i could be alone and not worry about anything like all of this, but here its a whole new life.
i want my own place......where i can clear everything out if i need to. people, things, worries, life in general.
"Something's gotta change again; I'm losing, my inspirations gone, oh no oh no; Seeing through some different eyes; I can't find, my medications failed, again again; I can feel a change; I can feel, can you feel it; See it on the street watching heat from the pavement; Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here; Everything's feeling unclear; I wish it was raining; Cause I hate every beautiful day" - Hate evry beautiful day, sugarcult
i hope also that i can talk to some people that i havent talked to in awhile, aka Pat, Los, Brian, Scott, Chris, Nick, George. And Pat, if you read this, why are you mad at me? I am so confused. Can we please talk?