now id die for one more day, cuz theres something i should have told you...
what am i doing??? i got out of the hospital tuesday. guess things were a bit worse than i imagined. eh, such is life, i suppose. 6 days at st johns oakland, iv antibiotics, blah blah blah. big hunk of jamie missing out of my arm, lol.
why does distance make us wise?
sometimes i wish i could undo whatever made things go so wrong. i dont understand. you completly ignored me tonite. why? if things are terrible or you dont like me anymore or its just not working, let me know. because i kinda thought things were going well, then you took this new job, and now your all...weird. i saw you for the first time in two weeks today, and you didnt hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, touch me at all for that matter. its not like we've been dating for a few weeks, its been a few months, and i dont think i mean that much to you. maybe i dont mean anything at all. but from my end, i took a huge step getting involved with someone, and im starting to think it was a huge mistake, because it hurts. it hurts bad. i dont like pain, especially when its inside. i miss you. i miss how we used to be.
what?
so much is screwed up right now. stupid squabbles and things i dont understand. for one, i dont get how i do so much for people, then consistnatly get shat on. frustration is settling in, and im pretty sure im about to go fucking crazy. i do, and do, and do...for nothing. im thinking people think im like...mother teresa. for christs sake, people, im not ghandi!
my elbow itches. and i cant scratch it.
hey, imagine this. SHAWN'S LISTENING TO WHITE MUSIC! holy shit! who knew? im so proud. and for those of you who dont really know shawn, im very impressed with him. we've been hanging out a lot, and hes really growing up a lot. and quickly. hes getting his shit together, and im pretty happy for him. hes a good kid. boogity boogity boo!
i hope jay reads this. and if you have, and dont know who that paragraph talks about, its you. i hope you get it. and i hope you decide what you want, or what you think needs to happen with this situation. balls in your court. decide...please, i dont like sitting on the fence.
i never knew i could learn so much from someone so young. lin...you amaze me a lil more every day. your one tuff lil cookie. i heart your face!
hey dain! sorry ive been so weird lately...theres been a lot going on. im sorry ive been a shithead. ill be better...i heart your face too.
who do you think you are?
leaving me alone with my guitar?
hold on, theres something you should hear...
it isnt much, but it took all year...
i suppose i should pretty much make that a general apology to all the people that ive treated dismissively lately. i dont mean it, i just have had a pretty rough couple of months, and im hopeful that its going to chill and let me have some fun for the rest of the summer. just a lil. not much fun. lol, just a nice, warm nite, with nice, cold beer...stars, cuddles on a blankie...smelling good summer smells, laying in cool grass...i dont want much out of life. i want to have someone to share the good times with, someone whos going to stick around when things get rough. someone who loves me for who i am. shit, someone who loves me. i know, people love me. i dont want the stupid "you know i love you!" responses, you all know what i meant.
all things considered,
shes not bitter,
shes not mean,
and shes not dumb.
...but maybe she is.
i am bitter. for a lot of things, with a lot of people, with nearly every situation in my life. im sick of losing my loves, in all the ways you can love someone. it seems all ive done is lose people my whole life...some i can get back if i do some serious pride swallowing, some i've lost forever, which might not be all bad...considering. some i would give anything to have back...some...well, id like to be jim carrey in "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" and just have them...gone. it would be so much less painful.
i am mean. lol, sometimes too mean. metrosexual ken. thats my pride and joy, heh heh.
and, okay...im not dumb.
howd i let you slip away,
when im longing so to hold you?
now id die for one more day,
cuz theres something i should have told you...
why does distance make us wise?
sometimes i wish i could undo whatever made things go so wrong. i dont understand. you completly ignored me tonite. why? if things are terrible or you dont like me anymore or its just not working, let me know. because i kinda thought things were going well, then you took this new job, and now your all...weird. i saw you for the first time in two weeks today, and you didnt hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, touch me at all for that matter. its not like we've been dating for a few weeks, its been a few months, and i dont think i mean that much to you. maybe i dont mean anything at all. but from my end, i took a huge step getting involved with someone, and im starting to think it was a huge mistake, because it hurts. it hurts bad. i dont like pain, especially when its inside. i miss you. i miss how we used to be.
what?
so much is screwed up right now. stupid squabbles and things i dont understand. for one, i dont get how i do so much for people, then consistnatly get shat on. frustration is settling in, and im pretty sure im about to go fucking crazy. i do, and do, and do...for nothing. im thinking people think im like...mother teresa. for christs sake, people, im not ghandi!
my elbow itches. and i cant scratch it.
hey, imagine this. SHAWN'S LISTENING TO WHITE MUSIC! holy shit! who knew? im so proud. and for those of you who dont really know shawn, im very impressed with him. we've been hanging out a lot, and hes really growing up a lot. and quickly. hes getting his shit together, and im pretty happy for him. hes a good kid. boogity boogity boo!
i hope jay reads this. and if you have, and dont know who that paragraph talks about, its you. i hope you get it. and i hope you decide what you want, or what you think needs to happen with this situation. balls in your court. decide...please, i dont like sitting on the fence.
i never knew i could learn so much from someone so young. lin...you amaze me a lil more every day. your one tuff lil cookie. i heart your face!
hey dain! sorry ive been so weird lately...theres been a lot going on. im sorry ive been a shithead. ill be better...i heart your face too.
who do you think you are?
leaving me alone with my guitar?
hold on, theres something you should hear...
it isnt much, but it took all year...
i suppose i should pretty much make that a general apology to all the people that ive treated dismissively lately. i dont mean it, i just have had a pretty rough couple of months, and im hopeful that its going to chill and let me have some fun for the rest of the summer. just a lil. not much fun. lol, just a nice, warm nite, with nice, cold beer...stars, cuddles on a blankie...smelling good summer smells, laying in cool grass...i dont want much out of life. i want to have someone to share the good times with, someone whos going to stick around when things get rough. someone who loves me for who i am. shit, someone who loves me. i know, people love me. i dont want the stupid "you know i love you!" responses, you all know what i meant.
all things considered,
shes not bitter,
shes not mean,
and shes not dumb.
...but maybe she is.
i am bitter. for a lot of things, with a lot of people, with nearly every situation in my life. im sick of losing my loves, in all the ways you can love someone. it seems all ive done is lose people my whole life...some i can get back if i do some serious pride swallowing, some i've lost forever, which might not be all bad...considering. some i would give anything to have back...some...well, id like to be jim carrey in "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" and just have them...gone. it would be so much less painful.
i am mean. lol, sometimes too mean. metrosexual ken. thats my pride and joy, heh heh.
and, okay...im not dumb.
howd i let you slip away,
when im longing so to hold you?
now id die for one more day,
cuz theres something i should have told you...