I keep trying to figure out what would be the best way to respond, there was so much said there. But I think the best thing is just to say what comes to mind, no?
First of all- Thanks. I appreciate knowing that it wasn't directed to me (although I have to wonder who it was? But I don't expect to ever know, so there is absolutely no pressure there). And it wasn't just you who suspected me, Allison and Ben did too, although it was easier to tell them it wasn't me... for obvious reasons.
As for the "personal attacks", I think it was mostly the hormones speaking. I haven't really heard of any such personal attacks, and I'll admit that I wasn't completely rational upon the writing of this entry.
It would also seem that both of us are trying to fight against the expectations that we have already made for ourselves that others still hold a belief in. It's not an easy thing to change about other people, so good luck to you on your journey of trying to break out and be who you truly want to be. Especially since your challenge is on a much greater scale than my abundance of smaller ones, which tend to be an internal battle of wills.
And thank you for the offer on the chem stuff, who knows I might even need it some time?
I would also like to take this time to say that I'm sorry that I am slightly more than bitchy, that we seem to make problems for each other, etc. I also have a very strong feeling (all things considered) that we will never be close to each other again... and it would be in both of our best interests to be able to recognize that to each other. After that, I believe that it will help make the next year go more smoothly for both of us.
Also, my year hasn't been as rocky as my ramblings in my journal might make it out to be. I would say that it has been pretty wonderful thus far, and simply because my journals tend to be the place where I moan and bitch (because this is the most healthy way for me to express such feelings, although the most radical of the angry feelings will be kept to my private pen-and-paper journal, because I am learning from past experiences) leads people who aren't regularly in contact with me in any other way to believe that I hate everything. Which I don't, no matter how cynical and cold I may seem, I really do love most things... I just have a sucky way of expressing it.
And now that I have rambled for an eternity, I must go. I hope your senior year is the best it can be and I'll probably see you tomorrow.
yea, don't sweat it on who I thought it was. I'm not gonna lie, at first you were the person to come to mind, but I figured you wouldn't have done it anonymously.
Yea, change is hard, lol, thank god for summers when your not around anybody. Kindof lets you get away from the whole preconceived notions and steriotype you set up for yourself.
lol, on that whole closeness thing. I mean this is the most light hearted possible way, lol, but I pretty much figured on that one about...around March, lol, so no worries there.
I get what your saying about the "everyone's expectations" thing. I totally haven't said more than five words to a few people at school this year and they keep passing all these judgements and stuff, you just kindof have to laugh and be like, "wow, you don't even really know me. I mean sure, we might share some friends, but still..."
Anyways, I'm gonna head out now. My journals killed, lol, just some personal reasons. That was kindof my "change journal." I think I'm nearing what I wanted to change, so I don't want to be tied to the past with it...if that makes any sense. Anyways, I'll seeya around school, have a good year, and good luck with all the college funniess of applications coming up soon!
First of all- Thanks. I appreciate knowing that it wasn't directed to me (although I have to wonder who it was? But I don't expect to ever know, so there is absolutely no pressure there). And it wasn't just you who suspected me, Allison and Ben did too, although it was easier to tell them it wasn't me... for obvious reasons.
As for the "personal attacks", I think it was mostly the hormones speaking. I haven't really heard of any such personal attacks, and I'll admit that I wasn't completely rational upon the writing of this entry.
It would also seem that both of us are trying to fight against the expectations that we have already made for ourselves that others still hold a belief in. It's not an easy thing to change about other people, so good luck to you on your journey of trying to break out and be who you truly want to be. Especially since your challenge is on a much greater scale than my abundance of smaller ones, which tend to be an internal battle of wills.
And thank you for the offer on the chem stuff, who knows I might even need it some time?
I would also like to take this time to say that I'm sorry that I am slightly more than bitchy, that we seem to make problems for each other, etc. I also have a very strong feeling (all things considered) that we will never be close to each other again... and it would be in both of our best interests to be able to recognize that to each other. After that, I believe that it will help make the next year go more smoothly for both of us.
Also, my year hasn't been as rocky as my ramblings in my journal might make it out to be. I would say that it has been pretty wonderful thus far, and simply because my journals tend to be the place where I moan and bitch (because this is the most healthy way for me to express such feelings, although the most radical of the angry feelings will be kept to my private pen-and-paper journal, because I am learning from past experiences) leads people who aren't regularly in contact with me in any other way to believe that I hate everything. Which I don't, no matter how cynical and cold I may seem, I really do love most things... I just have a sucky way of expressing it.
And now that I have rambled for an eternity, I must go. I hope your senior year is the best it can be and I'll probably see you tomorrow.
Manda
Reply
yea, don't sweat it on who I thought it was. I'm not gonna lie, at first you were the person to come to mind, but I figured you wouldn't have done it anonymously.
Yea, change is hard, lol, thank god for summers when your not around anybody. Kindof lets you get away from the whole preconceived notions and steriotype you set up for yourself.
lol, on that whole closeness thing. I mean this is the most light hearted possible way, lol, but I pretty much figured on that one about...around March, lol, so no worries there.
I get what your saying about the "everyone's expectations" thing. I totally haven't said more than five words to a few people at school this year and they keep passing all these judgements and stuff, you just kindof have to laugh and be like, "wow, you don't even really know me. I mean sure, we might share some friends, but still..."
Anyways, I'm gonna head out now. My journals killed, lol, just some personal reasons. That was kindof my "change journal." I think I'm nearing what I wanted to change, so I don't want to be tied to the past with it...if that makes any sense. Anyways, I'll seeya around school, have a good year, and good luck with all the college funniess of applications coming up soon!
Alexi
Reply
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