(no subject)
Im writing this thinking wtf?
Trent has gotten me so confused...angry...upset....i cant even get my head around it. He sends jess a msg saying he doesnt give a shit about me anymore, im not worth worrying about if i want to continue playing games, he still wonders what the hell im doing and hopes im ok but as for him and i, he took a shot and i dont want him so fuck it, my loss. Yet the buggar sends me msgs and one he sent me he goes " sorry for some stupid reason i cant figure out, i actually care about ya. when i dont hear from ya, im goin to worry that theres somthing wrong. its stupid i know and im a moron for caring. unfortunately i cant help it :P. it may seem like i think your world 'revolves around me n jess'. i know it doesnt babe. i know u have alot of other stuff on ur plate. i get too worried".
For someone who likes honesty so much, im not meant to know what he said to jess yet she told me coz she likes me too and thought i deserved to know what he was saying bout me...but he couldnt tell me himself, yet he tells me he cares and does worry bout me.....so which am i meant to believe?
January 1st 2009 is gonna be the first day of the start of me changing my life/lifestyle. Everything i do has to be for my future, for my future life, my future kids. Sounds stupid right? but yeah i just need a HUGE change...maybe if i change myself people will like me better. Maybe even that cute boy.....lol
I dunno.....i used to be happy with myself...now im not....so i will keep changing til i become happy with myself again.
I feel so lost tho....like nothing i do is right. I try and make things easier for people and it backfires, i try and be as honest as i can without dropping my guard and it backfires. I try and trust again and it backfires....and just as i start to feel better and lose some weight and whatever else, things do a 180 and turn out bad.
But oh well
BRING ON 2009!!! maybe it will be better.
Trent has gotten me so confused...angry...upset....i cant even get my head around it. He sends jess a msg saying he doesnt give a shit about me anymore, im not worth worrying about if i want to continue playing games, he still wonders what the hell im doing and hopes im ok but as for him and i, he took a shot and i dont want him so fuck it, my loss. Yet the buggar sends me msgs and one he sent me he goes " sorry for some stupid reason i cant figure out, i actually care about ya. when i dont hear from ya, im goin to worry that theres somthing wrong. its stupid i know and im a moron for caring. unfortunately i cant help it :P. it may seem like i think your world 'revolves around me n jess'. i know it doesnt babe. i know u have alot of other stuff on ur plate. i get too worried".
For someone who likes honesty so much, im not meant to know what he said to jess yet she told me coz she likes me too and thought i deserved to know what he was saying bout me...but he couldnt tell me himself, yet he tells me he cares and does worry bout me.....so which am i meant to believe?
January 1st 2009 is gonna be the first day of the start of me changing my life/lifestyle. Everything i do has to be for my future, for my future life, my future kids. Sounds stupid right? but yeah i just need a HUGE change...maybe if i change myself people will like me better. Maybe even that cute boy.....lol
I dunno.....i used to be happy with myself...now im not....so i will keep changing til i become happy with myself again.
I feel so lost tho....like nothing i do is right. I try and make things easier for people and it backfires, i try and be as honest as i can without dropping my guard and it backfires. I try and trust again and it backfires....and just as i start to feel better and lose some weight and whatever else, things do a 180 and turn out bad.
But oh well
BRING ON 2009!!! maybe it will be better.