Resumes Welcome
I feel like a divorcee who got the shit end of the deal and no alimony.
So this past year has been great romantically. I've found the love of my life, again. It's been five years but we've managed to come back together. And it's amazing. I now understand the aspect of 'knowing when you're in love.' You do just know. And everything else in life has a whole new aspect.
But the debris of my past relationship is still present. I am speaking of the lost friendships due to that period in my life. Not so much because he slandered my name and turned those who barely knew me away (although it did occur once or twice), but mostly due to my own selfishness and, for a lack of a better word, stupidity.
I lost some very dear to me because they tried to be what I always wanted: caring friends. I, in turn, pushed them away because I thought for some strange reason they didn't want me happy. I regrettably thought all their warnings and advice on my particular relationship was to harm me rather than to help. Inconceivable, I know.
So, in short, I am the one reason for my loneliness. Because of my inability to... to... trust. To trust in people. To trust that maybe some do care. To trust that maybe, just maybe, I am someone worth caring for.
One year later, and here I am still. Burned and broken.
But now, I'm ready to heal.
I dedicate this post to Jeanette Hamilton. A million miles away, but always an amazing friend. You have been there for me through it all. I can't imagine life without you (and I hate it even more having to experience it). I am real because of you.
So this past year has been great romantically. I've found the love of my life, again. It's been five years but we've managed to come back together. And it's amazing. I now understand the aspect of 'knowing when you're in love.' You do just know. And everything else in life has a whole new aspect.
But the debris of my past relationship is still present. I am speaking of the lost friendships due to that period in my life. Not so much because he slandered my name and turned those who barely knew me away (although it did occur once or twice), but mostly due to my own selfishness and, for a lack of a better word, stupidity.
I lost some very dear to me because they tried to be what I always wanted: caring friends. I, in turn, pushed them away because I thought for some strange reason they didn't want me happy. I regrettably thought all their warnings and advice on my particular relationship was to harm me rather than to help. Inconceivable, I know.
So, in short, I am the one reason for my loneliness. Because of my inability to... to... trust. To trust in people. To trust that maybe some do care. To trust that maybe, just maybe, I am someone worth caring for.
One year later, and here I am still. Burned and broken.
But now, I'm ready to heal.
I dedicate this post to Jeanette Hamilton. A million miles away, but always an amazing friend. You have been there for me through it all. I can't imagine life without you (and I hate it even more having to experience it). I am real because of you.