Bleh...
Sometimes you wonder what is going on with people. Sometimes you just don't want to know. Sometimes you think that if that one person that you were so in love with would just talk to you once in a while maybe you'd still be with that person. Sometimes you think that the person just didn't care enough to try to keep in touch. Sometimes you just try to rationalize it all away by saying maybe their just busy. Sometimes you just can't stop thinking of that person and it hurts just to even think of their wonderful laugh because of how much joy and happiness it brought. Sometimes you can't stop thinking on how that person helped you through some difficult times in your life and you still wish they would be there. Sometimes you just wish that they would come back and maybe just maybe it would all be better. Sometimes you just sit and think, "Why me? Why am I the one that has to suffer through hell?" Sometimes you just hope that that person would come back and talk to you.
I guess I am just reminessing about someone that I loved... and I guess I still do love. Life is a difficult thing sometimes. I hate the fact that my father contiues to try to control my life in any way possible. I hate the fact that I am 18 with no job and no hope for the future. I hate the fact that somehow, someway, someone has to make my life hell.
For the past few weeks this guy from my school will not leave me alone. Today I blew up at my mom because I thought she got mad at me for being late when I drove home as fast as I could to take her to her appointment. I guess today was just a bad day all together.
Though it is bad, I sometimes miss the old days where I would just go get high and be numb for a while. I was thinking that today. Oh shit, it's 4/20 of course I was thinking about that crap today. Yet, I know if I do get started in that crap again, I would be in very big trouble indeed. I hate the fact that I used to be a stoner, and I hate the fact that I am a worthless sack of bones and flesh. Oh, and no I am not being just another emo kid who thinks they are nothing. It is just the way I feel at the moment.
Another thing, if you are going to comment on that part and have something to say to the effect of, "Omg you are such emo, go cry now plxxorz." Or whatever, than don't even waste your time because I have heard it all before. If you are going to comment just to critisize me because you feel like it, don't even waste the cramps in your fingers trying to because it will just be deleted no matter what you say.
Those people who just comment on someone's LJ just to critisize what they are saying for the hell of it, make me want to be sick. It is like they have no life whatsoever and try to make that other person's life just as shitty as their's. Trust me, it's not worth it. If you are going to be a prick about it go right ahead and I will laugh at you for being deluted about what really goes on in this world. A lot of people just use this thing to let off steam like I do sometimes when I even remember that it exists. I have had a rough couple of weeks but I am atleast strong enough not to bust out into song and dance when someone tries to mess with me. I hate the fact that I cannot say something without another trying to critisize it. It irritates the hell out of me and makes me want to scream. If you don't have anything nice to say, than don't say anything at all.
Most of the time if I mention that my dog is dying because it ate my cat and my mom left me and took the trash and oh how horrible my life is, I get called angsty by people who don't even know who the hell I am. What is wrong with you people to have to think that you can say that dumb shit about me when you don't even take the time to get to know me?
If I am having a bad day about something or another and someone pushes my buttons the wrong way and I snap at them, I am automatically called a bitch. If I said that my best friend's grandma died (in which she did), and that I felt really bad about it, I would get called emo. If I just told someone that I could give a flying fart in space about what their problem is, I would get called angsty. What is with all the stereotypes? Why are we always caticorized in some sort of stereotypical role. I am called a punk for the way I dress, I am called a thief, I am called every damn name under the sun except for what I really am. I am an honest person who would rather talk than fight over something meaningless and belittling. I would rather get through my life without causing anyone pain, but as I can tell that is very improbable.
Sometimes I just want to be left alone by people. Sometimes I just want to be comfortably numb to everything, yet that is not possible. I want to go get shitfaced so I don't have to deal with the fact that this guy keeps harassing me and I have tried to deal with it though he won't even stop. Why the hell do people insist on bugging me for shits and giggles? I would love to know why. If someone would be so kind as to explain to me what the hell I did to deserve to be treated like some meaningless peice of white trash that I am so commonly refered to as.
Okay now I am done... wow that was a rant and a half, how sad that I didn't even know that it was all locked up within me.
Random thought: Maeh.
I guess I am just reminessing about someone that I loved... and I guess I still do love. Life is a difficult thing sometimes. I hate the fact that my father contiues to try to control my life in any way possible. I hate the fact that I am 18 with no job and no hope for the future. I hate the fact that somehow, someway, someone has to make my life hell.
For the past few weeks this guy from my school will not leave me alone. Today I blew up at my mom because I thought she got mad at me for being late when I drove home as fast as I could to take her to her appointment. I guess today was just a bad day all together.
Though it is bad, I sometimes miss the old days where I would just go get high and be numb for a while. I was thinking that today. Oh shit, it's 4/20 of course I was thinking about that crap today. Yet, I know if I do get started in that crap again, I would be in very big trouble indeed. I hate the fact that I used to be a stoner, and I hate the fact that I am a worthless sack of bones and flesh. Oh, and no I am not being just another emo kid who thinks they are nothing. It is just the way I feel at the moment.
Another thing, if you are going to comment on that part and have something to say to the effect of, "Omg you are such emo, go cry now plxxorz." Or whatever, than don't even waste your time because I have heard it all before. If you are going to comment just to critisize me because you feel like it, don't even waste the cramps in your fingers trying to because it will just be deleted no matter what you say.
Those people who just comment on someone's LJ just to critisize what they are saying for the hell of it, make me want to be sick. It is like they have no life whatsoever and try to make that other person's life just as shitty as their's. Trust me, it's not worth it. If you are going to be a prick about it go right ahead and I will laugh at you for being deluted about what really goes on in this world. A lot of people just use this thing to let off steam like I do sometimes when I even remember that it exists. I have had a rough couple of weeks but I am atleast strong enough not to bust out into song and dance when someone tries to mess with me. I hate the fact that I cannot say something without another trying to critisize it. It irritates the hell out of me and makes me want to scream. If you don't have anything nice to say, than don't say anything at all.
Most of the time if I mention that my dog is dying because it ate my cat and my mom left me and took the trash and oh how horrible my life is, I get called angsty by people who don't even know who the hell I am. What is wrong with you people to have to think that you can say that dumb shit about me when you don't even take the time to get to know me?
If I am having a bad day about something or another and someone pushes my buttons the wrong way and I snap at them, I am automatically called a bitch. If I said that my best friend's grandma died (in which she did), and that I felt really bad about it, I would get called emo. If I just told someone that I could give a flying fart in space about what their problem is, I would get called angsty. What is with all the stereotypes? Why are we always caticorized in some sort of stereotypical role. I am called a punk for the way I dress, I am called a thief, I am called every damn name under the sun except for what I really am. I am an honest person who would rather talk than fight over something meaningless and belittling. I would rather get through my life without causing anyone pain, but as I can tell that is very improbable.
Sometimes I just want to be left alone by people. Sometimes I just want to be comfortably numb to everything, yet that is not possible. I want to go get shitfaced so I don't have to deal with the fact that this guy keeps harassing me and I have tried to deal with it though he won't even stop. Why the hell do people insist on bugging me for shits and giggles? I would love to know why. If someone would be so kind as to explain to me what the hell I did to deserve to be treated like some meaningless peice of white trash that I am so commonly refered to as.
Okay now I am done... wow that was a rant and a half, how sad that I didn't even know that it was all locked up within me.
Random thought: Maeh.