Why Are You My Clarity?

May 10, 2013 18:33

Media: Ficlet
Summary: Deleted scene from “Clarity” performance - Kurt’s POV (interior monologue)
Spoilers: 4x22
Rating: PG-13
A/N: This is what happens when you listen to “Clarity” on repeat and wonder what Kurt was thinking while he was watching the performance. Takes place entirely inside his head. Thanks so much to judearaya for cleaning this up like a wizard, and ca_te for her sweet thoughts.

~~~

You are the piece of me I wish I didn’t need.

God, I love you.

I love you.

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

I don’t know how to tell you anymore. How to make you understand.

Blaine.

Blaine.

There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you. Except for this.

If our love’s insanity, why are you my clarity?

I can’t do this. Even though I want to feel your skin and smell your neck and hold your heart like a soft baby bird. But how can I hold a baby bird if it flaps too frantically and slides from my hands? I can’t cage a baby bird.

How can anyone trust that the bird won’t die?

Why are you my clarity?

You and I are meant to be, but in a different time. A different place.

Not now. God, not now.

Not now, not now, not now.

Blaine.

Please stop. You’re hurting me. My only sanity is that you and I are friends and forever will be. And maybe……maybe more someday. But I’m just not ready.

I’m not ready.

Why are you my remedy?

But I love you anyway. And your eyes…god, there is no one else in the world that looks at me like you. And I wonder sometimes if you’re reflecting back what I wish I could show you. What I want to show you.

I want to show you so badly.

Why are you my clarity?

Whenever we talk on the phone, we’re us. We exist together and we make sense.

We make sense.

I want us to make sense together. I want to dial your number, hear your voice. Breathe in the silence together.

Kiss your lips. Oh, how I always want those lips.

Why are you my clarity?

Wait for me.
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