Body Rolls and Big Poppa
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: Nothing Klaine specific, but assumes up to 3.22; alludes to a future Blam bromance
Length: ~2500
Summary: Blaine explores his tentative friendship with Sam, hoping his colorful past can help Blaine add a little spice to his love life.
A/N: So I was shamelessly reading tweets from Ryan Murphy last night, and was struck with the idea of how Blaine and Sam's friendship would have began offscreen. This is what resulted. Thanks to anxioussquirrel, judearaya and spinmybowtie for their fantastic beta skills and epic cheerleading and handholding. I love you ladies!
It starts small.
A tentative smile during calculus. A shared laugh after a much needed Sean Connery impression (Because seriously, the substitute couldn’t look less like him, but that voice). A high-five or ten scattered during Glee club performances.
Soon Blaine is sharing a glass of lemonade with Sam in the sunshine yellow kitchen of the Hummel Household for Wayward Boys on a Friday evening. Burt is clapping them both on the shoulders when he exclaims it will be baseball season again and then football (and Blaine really loves Kurt’s dad, because that’s three months away, but they both know that Kurt is gonna be gone by then).
So the night before Blaine finally works up the nerve to ask Sam about his days as a stripper, he finds himself half-naked and breathless as Kurt worms his fingers into Blaine’s clothes and pulls him from the wall to the bed in one fluid motion, straddling him.
“Why aren’t you more naked?” Kurt asks, fingertips rubbing rubbing rubbing, and Blaine is so hard he forgets that he once masturbated to fantasies identical to the one sitting on top of him.
“Uh, because it’s part of the act?”
Kurt’s brow furrows. “What act?”
And Blaine gets an Idea. How sexy it would be if he could reverse their positions and rise above Kurt, swaying his hips in his face and draping the rest of his clothing all around them before finally sinking back down and grinding his cock heavily against the milky white thigh of Kurt Hummel, and -
But what if he loses his balance and topples over, kneeing Kurt in the eye or the nose and causing all kinds of unwanted bodily fluids, and-
“Blaine?”
He snaps back to attention, and looks at Kurt, face flushed and hair mussed. He files that insanity away for another day to say, “Nevermind”, before pulling Kurt down to lick into his mouth and release a pent up moan. Kissing and kissing before flipping them and working on removing Kurt’s pants instead.
~
Blaine rubbed the back of his head as he shifted on the couch. They’re watching Pittsburgh stomp Cleveland (although watching baseball on television was NOT the caliber of euphoria both Burt and Sam had promised), and sometime during the bottom of the 6th inning, Blaine had worked his way through small talk and Mercedes, and enough impressions to fill three nights at the Laugh Factory before stating much too loudly that Sam “must have turned to comedy at least once or twice to get through his days as a stripper.”
What had followed was three minutes of intense awkward silence, before Blaine apologized and reassured. Reassured and apologized. “I didn’t mean it like I said it. Even back then, I knew you weren’t really for sale. But I don’t want you to think that had anything to do with you.”
Silence.
“Not that it wouldn’t be fun to learn the moves of the seductive. . .man.”
Silence.
“You know, if one were so inclined, there’s a lot to be said for the nobility of stripping. It’s sacrificing a bit of yourself to the people. The women people.”
After five more minutes of flailing, Sam threw his hands up and turned to Blaine. “Dude.”
“Yeah?”
“We’re cool, right? I mean, there’s no bad blood here, right?”
Blaine nodded, his eyes wide and uncomfortable. “Right, totally.”
“Then what’s with all the stripper questions?”
Blaine blushed and rubbed the back of his neck again before looking Sam in the eye. “I - may be interested in some of your. . . experience.”
Sam grinned. “Really?”
“Yeah, you know. For reasons.”
And that was how the Summer Misunderstanding of 2012 had begun.
First, Sam had weaseled Blaine’s iPod out of his bag and found playlist after playlist of “Happy Tunes” that were really just copouts for the sensual music Blaine liked to gyrate to in front of his mirror at home (and oh god, Sam was going to have to take this all to his grave).
Next, after Sam had “dropped a good beat”, as it were, he had Blaine stand in front of him, instructing him to “watch and learn” while he proceeded to body roll to the heavy beat of the music surrounding them. Blaine had found it pretty easy to keep up, as Sam had a good grasp of his movement capabilities. When he moved from body rolls and gyrations to full on bumping and grinding, Blaine began nodding to the music and letting his body take over as well.
Soon, Sam was backing up toward him, telling him he needed to really feel the meld of the sex he was selling with his body, and when he had pushed back into Blaine to demonstrate, there was minimal shuffling before lots of blushing, and Blaine pulled back.
“Wait, wait. What are you- “
“Dude,” Sam began. “You’re doing this for Kurt, right?”
Blaine smiled. “Yeah, yeah. I just - “
Sam grinned. “Good, then don’t be such a tool, and grab onto my body. I want to show you how to really get him hot.”
Of course, when the playlist shifted to “Old School Beats” and he and Sam were gyrating together to “Big Poppa”, it was absolutely the worst time ever for Kurt to show up.
Because it really didn’t look like a lesson to seduce Kurt anymore when they heard a screech come from the front door, and then a shuffle of papers flying through the air.
“Kurt?” Blaine called, turning away from Sam and rushing over to where Kurt was sprawled.
“Ow.” Kurt was rubbing his ass, and glaring up at the two of them.
Blaine put on his best angel face and said, “You’re home early?”
“Rachel said she needed to go over her music in solitary confinement. Do you want to tell me what you were doing?”
Sam leaned forward and both he and Blaine offered Kurt a hand to stand back up. Kurt sniffed and ignored them both to stand up as gracefully as he could manage and crossed his arms.
Both Sam and Blaine looked at each other and began to giggle.
Kurt arched an eyebrow.
And then it clicked. Blaine knew what that eyebrow meant.
“Oh, no. Kurt, we were um, we were - “
“Blaine wanted to learn how to grind like the best of them,” Sam replied, bravado fading and impish smile returning to his face.
Blaine nodded. “For you, you know. For us.”
Kurt scowled. “For us?”
“Yes,” and he pulled Kurt by the hand to the center of the room, turning up the volume when “Push It” began to play.
But Kurt gave him one of those looks that said it wasn’t going to be so easy and the eyebrow stayed arched. “I don’t think so.” He eyed Sam, and Sam backed away.
“Alright then, I’ll just go find Finn at Puck’s, or wherever he’s hiding out.”
Blaine thought Sam’s voice sounded funny, like it was his go-to excuse for when trying to evade an angry Kurt, and he figured that was probably a wise thing, because man, when Kurt got in a mood, it could really -
Oh yeah.
He gulped and looked back at Kurt, who was turning off the iPod, and pulling it from the docking station.
“Come on, Blaine. Let’s go upstairs.”
Those were not the words he had expected to hear, but he would take them. “Ok.”
Once upstairs and safely inside Kurt’s room, the door clicking to a shut, Kurt turned to stare at him, and Blaine wondered how he could still have that eyebrow cocked in a way that was both sexy and terrifying.
“Look, Kurt, I swear-”
“Blaine-”
“-I was just asking him for some advice, and-”
Kurt held up his hand before he turned to his own iPod wordlessly, and Blaine had to lean in once he realized Kurt was loading a playlist.
Xxx-tra BLand?
When Kurt pressed play, it immediately became apparent that coded playlists were Blaine’s new favorite thing.
When he turned back to Blaine, the first thing he noticed was Kurt’s eyes. They were hooded and dark.
“If you wanted a lesson on body rolling, why didn’t you ask me?” he leaned into Blaine’s space, and flicked his tongue into the dip of his throat.
Blaine let out a groan, and Kurt took that as permission to slot his legs directly between Blaine’s and begin grinding.
“When did you - “ he sputtered, but Kurt held a finger to his lips and shook his head, turning to face away from him and leaning forward to press his ass flush against Blaine’s clothed cock. He worked it to the beat, slowly pushing Blaine backward until he had no choice but to lean back on Kurt’s bed. When he tried to pull Kurt with him, he escaped his grasp and hurried to stand in front of him, hands already at the buttons of his shirt.
“I mean honestly, if you can’t strip for your boyfriend, why not ask said boyfriend to strip for you?”
Let it be said that the Kurt Hummel Shimmy was not only a signature move, it was the best way to watch his shirt slip off his shoulders. And soon those hips had moves of their own.
Let it also be said that Blaine hadn’t been the only person to approach Sam for tips on how to seduce his boyfriend.
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: Nothing Klaine specific, but assumes up to 3.22; alludes to a future Blam bromance
Length: ~2500
Summary: Blaine explores his tentative friendship with Sam, hoping his colorful past can help Blaine add a little spice to his love life.
A/N: So I was shamelessly reading tweets from Ryan Murphy last night, and was struck with the idea of how Blaine and Sam's friendship would have began offscreen. This is what resulted. Thanks to anxioussquirrel, judearaya and spinmybowtie for their fantastic beta skills and epic cheerleading and handholding. I love you ladies!
It starts small.
A tentative smile during calculus. A shared laugh after a much needed Sean Connery impression (Because seriously, the substitute couldn’t look less like him, but that voice). A high-five or ten scattered during Glee club performances.
Soon Blaine is sharing a glass of lemonade with Sam in the sunshine yellow kitchen of the Hummel Household for Wayward Boys on a Friday evening. Burt is clapping them both on the shoulders when he exclaims it will be baseball season again and then football (and Blaine really loves Kurt’s dad, because that’s three months away, but they both know that Kurt is gonna be gone by then).
So the night before Blaine finally works up the nerve to ask Sam about his days as a stripper, he finds himself half-naked and breathless as Kurt worms his fingers into Blaine’s clothes and pulls him from the wall to the bed in one fluid motion, straddling him.
“Why aren’t you more naked?” Kurt asks, fingertips rubbing rubbing rubbing, and Blaine is so hard he forgets that he once masturbated to fantasies identical to the one sitting on top of him.
“Uh, because it’s part of the act?”
Kurt’s brow furrows. “What act?”
And Blaine gets an Idea. How sexy it would be if he could reverse their positions and rise above Kurt, swaying his hips in his face and draping the rest of his clothing all around them before finally sinking back down and grinding his cock heavily against the milky white thigh of Kurt Hummel, and -
But what if he loses his balance and topples over, kneeing Kurt in the eye or the nose and causing all kinds of unwanted bodily fluids, and-
“Blaine?”
He snaps back to attention, and looks at Kurt, face flushed and hair mussed. He files that insanity away for another day to say, “Nevermind”, before pulling Kurt down to lick into his mouth and release a pent up moan. Kissing and kissing before flipping them and working on removing Kurt’s pants instead.
~
Blaine rubbed the back of his head as he shifted on the couch. They’re watching Pittsburgh stomp Cleveland (although watching baseball on television was NOT the caliber of euphoria both Burt and Sam had promised), and sometime during the bottom of the 6th inning, Blaine had worked his way through small talk and Mercedes, and enough impressions to fill three nights at the Laugh Factory before stating much too loudly that Sam “must have turned to comedy at least once or twice to get through his days as a stripper.”
What had followed was three minutes of intense awkward silence, before Blaine apologized and reassured. Reassured and apologized. “I didn’t mean it like I said it. Even back then, I knew you weren’t really for sale. But I don’t want you to think that had anything to do with you.”
Silence.
“Not that it wouldn’t be fun to learn the moves of the seductive. . .man.”
Silence.
“You know, if one were so inclined, there’s a lot to be said for the nobility of stripping. It’s sacrificing a bit of yourself to the people. The women people.”
After five more minutes of flailing, Sam threw his hands up and turned to Blaine. “Dude.”
“Yeah?”
“We’re cool, right? I mean, there’s no bad blood here, right?”
Blaine nodded, his eyes wide and uncomfortable. “Right, totally.”
“Then what’s with all the stripper questions?”
Blaine blushed and rubbed the back of his neck again before looking Sam in the eye. “I - may be interested in some of your. . . experience.”
Sam grinned. “Really?”
“Yeah, you know. For reasons.”
And that was how the Summer Misunderstanding of 2012 had begun.
First, Sam had weaseled Blaine’s iPod out of his bag and found playlist after playlist of “Happy Tunes” that were really just copouts for the sensual music Blaine liked to gyrate to in front of his mirror at home (and oh god, Sam was going to have to take this all to his grave).
Next, after Sam had “dropped a good beat”, as it were, he had Blaine stand in front of him, instructing him to “watch and learn” while he proceeded to body roll to the heavy beat of the music surrounding them. Blaine had found it pretty easy to keep up, as Sam had a good grasp of his movement capabilities. When he moved from body rolls and gyrations to full on bumping and grinding, Blaine began nodding to the music and letting his body take over as well.
Soon, Sam was backing up toward him, telling him he needed to really feel the meld of the sex he was selling with his body, and when he had pushed back into Blaine to demonstrate, there was minimal shuffling before lots of blushing, and Blaine pulled back.
“Wait, wait. What are you- “
“Dude,” Sam began. “You’re doing this for Kurt, right?”
Blaine smiled. “Yeah, yeah. I just - “
Sam grinned. “Good, then don’t be such a tool, and grab onto my body. I want to show you how to really get him hot.”
Of course, when the playlist shifted to “Old School Beats” and he and Sam were gyrating together to “Big Poppa”, it was absolutely the worst time ever for Kurt to show up.
Because it really didn’t look like a lesson to seduce Kurt anymore when they heard a screech come from the front door, and then a shuffle of papers flying through the air.
“Kurt?” Blaine called, turning away from Sam and rushing over to where Kurt was sprawled.
“Ow.” Kurt was rubbing his ass, and glaring up at the two of them.
Blaine put on his best angel face and said, “You’re home early?”
“Rachel said she needed to go over her music in solitary confinement. Do you want to tell me what you were doing?”
Sam leaned forward and both he and Blaine offered Kurt a hand to stand back up. Kurt sniffed and ignored them both to stand up as gracefully as he could manage and crossed his arms.
Both Sam and Blaine looked at each other and began to giggle.
Kurt arched an eyebrow.
And then it clicked. Blaine knew what that eyebrow meant.
“Oh, no. Kurt, we were um, we were - “
“Blaine wanted to learn how to grind like the best of them,” Sam replied, bravado fading and impish smile returning to his face.
Blaine nodded. “For you, you know. For us.”
Kurt scowled. “For us?”
“Yes,” and he pulled Kurt by the hand to the center of the room, turning up the volume when “Push It” began to play.
But Kurt gave him one of those looks that said it wasn’t going to be so easy and the eyebrow stayed arched. “I don’t think so.” He eyed Sam, and Sam backed away.
“Alright then, I’ll just go find Finn at Puck’s, or wherever he’s hiding out.”
Blaine thought Sam’s voice sounded funny, like it was his go-to excuse for when trying to evade an angry Kurt, and he figured that was probably a wise thing, because man, when Kurt got in a mood, it could really -
Oh yeah.
He gulped and looked back at Kurt, who was turning off the iPod, and pulling it from the docking station.
“Come on, Blaine. Let’s go upstairs.”
Those were not the words he had expected to hear, but he would take them. “Ok.”
Once upstairs and safely inside Kurt’s room, the door clicking to a shut, Kurt turned to stare at him, and Blaine wondered how he could still have that eyebrow cocked in a way that was both sexy and terrifying.
“Look, Kurt, I swear-”
“Blaine-”
“-I was just asking him for some advice, and-”
Kurt held up his hand before he turned to his own iPod wordlessly, and Blaine had to lean in once he realized Kurt was loading a playlist.
Xxx-tra BLand?
When Kurt pressed play, it immediately became apparent that coded playlists were Blaine’s new favorite thing.
When he turned back to Blaine, the first thing he noticed was Kurt’s eyes. They were hooded and dark.
“If you wanted a lesson on body rolling, why didn’t you ask me?” he leaned into Blaine’s space, and flicked his tongue into the dip of his throat.
Blaine let out a groan, and Kurt took that as permission to slot his legs directly between Blaine’s and begin grinding.
“When did you - “ he sputtered, but Kurt held a finger to his lips and shook his head, turning to face away from him and leaning forward to press his ass flush against Blaine’s clothed cock. He worked it to the beat, slowly pushing Blaine backward until he had no choice but to lean back on Kurt’s bed. When he tried to pull Kurt with him, he escaped his grasp and hurried to stand in front of him, hands already at the buttons of his shirt.
“I mean honestly, if you can’t strip for your boyfriend, why not ask said boyfriend to strip for you?”
Let it be said that the Kurt Hummel Shimmy was not only a signature move, it was the best way to watch his shirt slip off his shoulders. And soon those hips had moves of their own.
Let it also be said that Blaine hadn’t been the only person to approach Sam for tips on how to seduce his boyfriend.