Forgiveness

[punkinberry]

So I ran into an old high school friend yesterday at the mall. We parted on very bad terms, about 7 years ago, because she screwed me over then lied to me about it. When she finally admitted to what she'd done, I just didn't respect her anymore. They say you should forgive, but it was the second time she'd screwed me over in exactly the same way

Comments

Well then...

[donutato_kun]

My question is, if you didn't want to write, why did you exchange E-mails? If you seriously don't like her, why all the exuberence?

I don't wanna tell you how to live, I'm just saying that from a Behavioral Therapy perspective, she's not gonna learn a darn thing from your actions. If you want people to KNOW how their actions affect somebody, you need to just tell them. And do it right then and there. To say you're gonna write and act all hunky dory tells her that either all is forgiven and/or forgotten. If you act cold or don't reply back after that meeting, she's just gonna get confused -- may not even make the connection to her past actions -- but just assume that YOU'RE the jerk. If you approached her KINDLY with these concerns on the side, though, then she would have been reminded that, yeah, her actions were indeed hurtful and still have consequences. And she would have known WHY you might reply only civilly, but not warmly.

>I used to be eager to forgive, to give people a second chance.

To forgive and forget are two seperate things. You can forgive someone and yet tell them that, for the sake of your OWN sanity, it's probably best if they keep their distance. It's a necessary tough love sometimes.

>There's a difference between forgiving and being a fool, right?

Not from my experience. But that's what makes it so divine. :-)

[punkinberry]

There's a reason we haven't spoken in 7 years. She is fully aware of my negative response to her treatment of me. I was nice to her last weekend simply because it was easier, and also because my sister was the one who spotted her and said hello. I probably would have ignored her altogether.

I guess I'm just not sure what all is entailed in forgiveness. This woman hurt me, and I can't forget it. I don't want to give her a chance to do it again. She has proven over the years to be someone who doesn't deserve my friendship. So what more is there?