.: hand-me-downs and photographs :.
Holly Hox, Forget me nots.
I put in my Finch CD that I hadn't listened to in months and it completely uplifted my mood; I had forgotten how wonderful good music really is.
But as I was pulling into the parking garage coming back from my lunch, I switched to my AM/FM setting. Right when I hit that button, a very familiar song came on, a song that can make me stop my train of thought completely and make my thoughts turn to him. It had been so long since I'd cried over him, I've tried so hard lately to remember the great things about him and turn the tears into smiles, but I couldn't this time. So right there, on the roof of the parking garage, standing outside my car in the cold, I cried.
It's just a song, but it brought back everything. It brought back those feelings I had almost 4 years ago - my god, has it really been that long since I saw him last? It seems like just yesterday we were in his truck, going to lunch, listening to that song on full blast with the windows down, speeding out of the school parking lot like it was our last free hour on this earth.
So here I sit, tears welled up in my eyes, wishing that you all would have had the opportunity to have this unique spirit in your life, wishing that I could put into words exactly everything he was (that would be impossible), wishing that all of you had just had one moment to meet him, to see the sparkle in his crystal blue eyes and feel what he brought into a room every time he walked into one.
I've told some of you about him, but for those of you who don't know, his name was Dan.
My favorite Dan memory is the "Riverhouse Party". We had this huge party at my parents' riverhouse (I stole the keys, haha) and Dan, being part of our little "crew" that hung out, was there for it in full force.
We stayed up and partied all night, we literally partied until we ran out of beer. [side note: Dan hid beer in the freezer for us but didn't tell any of us and forgot about it, so we woke up to like 30 frozen beers] As we were falling asleep around sunrise I heard him laughing about something. I just passed out and decided I'd ask him about it in the morning.
Not too long after passing out, I heard his contagious laugh again. I looked at the clock and it said 7:00 a.m. I sat up and looked around and my friends were literally scattered on the floor throughout the cabin, there were only 2 big rooms, there was no room to move or walk. The funniest one was Dan. He was passed out in the doorway between the rooms, his head in the room where I was sleeping and his feet in the other room. He was awake and waking our friend Jason up to tell him a joke. I started laughing at the mere idea of him waking everyone up for a joke, and I don't even think I listened to the joke.
Just like that, Dan had put everyone in a good mood and we were all ready to wake up and start cleaning. That was so Dan; he could always make everyone happy. Just having him around meant something good was going to happen, whether it be we go out and have a fantastic party or we just sit at home and watch movies, it was always something to look forward to with him.
This September will already be 4 years since he died. I can't believe it's been that long already. It honestly seems like we just went to the funeral. Right after the funeral, hell, until I moved out of Taylor, I would go visit the cemetery every day that I could get out there. I had about a 30 minute break between school and cheerleading practice, so I would spend it there, talking to him and cleaning up around where he and Josh, our other friend that died in the wreck with him, are buried. There was no grass there for a while, so me and Josh's sister bought some of those glass stones and would make designs and messages out of them in the dirt and would change them every week or so.
I never thought my life would change so drastically, but it did. My life was completely different after that happened, all I could think about what how it could have been anyone, we always would drink and drive. Still I don't know why I do some of the stupid shit I do, I take such risks for nothing. He took a risk, a risk I witnessed, I saw him drinking and I saw him get in that car and I saw him drive away, and I didn't do a damn thing about it. I felt, and still do feel, like the worst friend for that.
The positive out of this though is that I have become more aware of just how much each of my friends means to me, and I make a point of it to tell them just how important they are as often as I can do so. I love you all so very much.
I put in my Finch CD that I hadn't listened to in months and it completely uplifted my mood; I had forgotten how wonderful good music really is.
But as I was pulling into the parking garage coming back from my lunch, I switched to my AM/FM setting. Right when I hit that button, a very familiar song came on, a song that can make me stop my train of thought completely and make my thoughts turn to him. It had been so long since I'd cried over him, I've tried so hard lately to remember the great things about him and turn the tears into smiles, but I couldn't this time. So right there, on the roof of the parking garage, standing outside my car in the cold, I cried.
It's just a song, but it brought back everything. It brought back those feelings I had almost 4 years ago - my god, has it really been that long since I saw him last? It seems like just yesterday we were in his truck, going to lunch, listening to that song on full blast with the windows down, speeding out of the school parking lot like it was our last free hour on this earth.
So here I sit, tears welled up in my eyes, wishing that you all would have had the opportunity to have this unique spirit in your life, wishing that I could put into words exactly everything he was (that would be impossible), wishing that all of you had just had one moment to meet him, to see the sparkle in his crystal blue eyes and feel what he brought into a room every time he walked into one.
I've told some of you about him, but for those of you who don't know, his name was Dan.
My favorite Dan memory is the "Riverhouse Party". We had this huge party at my parents' riverhouse (I stole the keys, haha) and Dan, being part of our little "crew" that hung out, was there for it in full force.
We stayed up and partied all night, we literally partied until we ran out of beer. [side note: Dan hid beer in the freezer for us but didn't tell any of us and forgot about it, so we woke up to like 30 frozen beers] As we were falling asleep around sunrise I heard him laughing about something. I just passed out and decided I'd ask him about it in the morning.
Not too long after passing out, I heard his contagious laugh again. I looked at the clock and it said 7:00 a.m. I sat up and looked around and my friends were literally scattered on the floor throughout the cabin, there were only 2 big rooms, there was no room to move or walk. The funniest one was Dan. He was passed out in the doorway between the rooms, his head in the room where I was sleeping and his feet in the other room. He was awake and waking our friend Jason up to tell him a joke. I started laughing at the mere idea of him waking everyone up for a joke, and I don't even think I listened to the joke.
Just like that, Dan had put everyone in a good mood and we were all ready to wake up and start cleaning. That was so Dan; he could always make everyone happy. Just having him around meant something good was going to happen, whether it be we go out and have a fantastic party or we just sit at home and watch movies, it was always something to look forward to with him.
This September will already be 4 years since he died. I can't believe it's been that long already. It honestly seems like we just went to the funeral. Right after the funeral, hell, until I moved out of Taylor, I would go visit the cemetery every day that I could get out there. I had about a 30 minute break between school and cheerleading practice, so I would spend it there, talking to him and cleaning up around where he and Josh, our other friend that died in the wreck with him, are buried. There was no grass there for a while, so me and Josh's sister bought some of those glass stones and would make designs and messages out of them in the dirt and would change them every week or so.
I never thought my life would change so drastically, but it did. My life was completely different after that happened, all I could think about what how it could have been anyone, we always would drink and drive. Still I don't know why I do some of the stupid shit I do, I take such risks for nothing. He took a risk, a risk I witnessed, I saw him drinking and I saw him get in that car and I saw him drive away, and I didn't do a damn thing about it. I felt, and still do feel, like the worst friend for that.
The positive out of this though is that I have become more aware of just how much each of my friends means to me, and I make a point of it to tell them just how important they are as often as I can do so. I love you all so very much.