.: i always kind of knew i'd end up your ex girlfriend i hope i hold a special place :.
FYI: The only journals I've really been reading and/or keeping up with are the journals of Ruben, Robert, and a few other here and theres. It's not that I don't care what is going on in your life; it's just that I have no want or will to read up. Maybe sometime in the future I will dedicate an entire day to reading up on your lives, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. *
*The above opinion is stated with no ill intent or intentional harm or hurt feelings.
Last night Miguel thought it was necessary to rehash every single of his relationships, more specifically the ones that happened around the time he and I first met, 4 years ago. He went into talking about how all the girls loved him when he started working in Taylor again and started naming off girls he had went on dates with and whatnot, and then he talked about Bonnie, his girlfriend of something like 3 or 4 years, and so on and so on. He talked about how he would break up with Bonnie, get with someone else, then get back with her because he missed her. The last girl he dated before me, his best friend's sister, apparently changed him though. He talked about how he was in a position to cheat on her, but didn't, because he knew it wasn't right.
Me: Wow, I really just feel like one small tiny insignificant something in the large repertoire of girls you "once dated". And thanks for giving me the heads up on the cheating thing.
Him: Um, you're here, aren't you? You wouldn't be here if I didn't really like you. You always shot me down, and it's probably to your benefit that you did and why you are still here with me today; I wasn't that great of a guy back then.
Me: Ok; I guess.
I don't know, that whole conversation completely weirded me out, I didn't want to talk about his ex-girlfriends at all. Mainly because I had been one of them a couple of times and I didn't want to know what went on during our breakup periods. I was okay with knowing that they, the "ex-files" [SATC reference] if you will, existed, I just don't want to bring them back to memory and talk about them. I hadn't divulged anything about my past relationships, and I was planning on keeping it that way. Finally after another one of Miguel's disastrous relationship stories I decided to talk about the Eddie/Tyler situation. I told him about how I cheated, and got so blatantly caught that it could have been taken straight from a made for TV movie starring Tracy Gold as the anorexic cheating girlfriend with no self esteem. He laughed and sort of started to change the subject, I was more than fine with that.
He then asked me if I remembered the time I asked him to buy me beer. Apparently, according to him, he was grocery shopping one night and I walked into HEB and saw him (I was with Jason and JRC, two people that he really doesn't like) and I asked him to buy me alcohol. He said he told me no and I replied with "well fuck you then" and walked away. I don't remember this AT ALL. He said for one, I was so drunk that there was no way I was in any need of more alcohol, and also he really hates Jason and JRC, and he wasn't about to buy for them. At that moment in time, I felt so small. I felt so dumb. I felt so, just wrong.
That feeling left me with a sick feeling. Then it hit me; I hate not being in control. I hate being the one that someone is responsible for, that someone has to help out and be expected to tell what is right and wrong in a situation where I am not able to make that decision on my own. I have to be the mother figure; it's the only thing that feels right. That is why I insist on dating these needy guys. I like taking care of people. I like helping them. It's what I do. It is my purpose in life; I'm Mother Fucking Theresa, except for I drink, I have sex, I swear, I sin, and so forth and whatnot.
My office suffers from the "Six Degrees of Separation Syndrome". Everyone is connected is some weird twisted way. Here are my connections to date [side note: I've worked here since October 2003]:
1. Buz Garry, a shareholder in the firm, is a man I've known since I was 5ish or so. His daughter and I went through 12 years of school, reports, sleepovers, projects, and friendship together.
2. Richard South, who I recently started to work with, is involved in boy scouts. He mentioned calling Frank Scofield one day and coordinating something. When he went to give me his number I was able to reply with "I have that number in my phone". Frank is a family friend, his kids and I used to play together when we were little, and still got to hang out once in a while. I've known him all my life.
3. Evelyn Garnett, a legal assistant in the firm was in a group of us that went to lunch today. We started talking about what we were doing for the weekend and whatnot, and I mentioned that I was sure it would be a quiet weekend compared to last Friday, because last Friday I was in a car wreck and my boyfriend broke his toe and blah blah blah. She stops me says that something is too similar to a situation she has been hearing about. She asks, "Do you know Jimmy and Deny?" I of course tell her yes, that I am over at their house all the time. She then tells me "Deny is my daughter. She's been asking me for legal advice about last weekend, you were the girlfriend she was talking to when I was on the phone with her." So weird! We then went into talking about all of these things we both knew about and our opinions on them and she's already come by my desk like 3 times to talk, and we've never really talked before.
I wonder what degree of separation I will get to see next month.
Tonight I am going to my sister's house, partially to give her back her DVD so she doesn't bust a cap in my ass for borrowing it for too long, and also to hang out with her and the kids. Miguel is coming with me, he just doesn’t know this yet.
*The above opinion is stated with no ill intent or intentional harm or hurt feelings.
Last night Miguel thought it was necessary to rehash every single of his relationships, more specifically the ones that happened around the time he and I first met, 4 years ago. He went into talking about how all the girls loved him when he started working in Taylor again and started naming off girls he had went on dates with and whatnot, and then he talked about Bonnie, his girlfriend of something like 3 or 4 years, and so on and so on. He talked about how he would break up with Bonnie, get with someone else, then get back with her because he missed her. The last girl he dated before me, his best friend's sister, apparently changed him though. He talked about how he was in a position to cheat on her, but didn't, because he knew it wasn't right.
Me: Wow, I really just feel like one small tiny insignificant something in the large repertoire of girls you "once dated". And thanks for giving me the heads up on the cheating thing.
Him: Um, you're here, aren't you? You wouldn't be here if I didn't really like you. You always shot me down, and it's probably to your benefit that you did and why you are still here with me today; I wasn't that great of a guy back then.
Me: Ok; I guess.
I don't know, that whole conversation completely weirded me out, I didn't want to talk about his ex-girlfriends at all. Mainly because I had been one of them a couple of times and I didn't want to know what went on during our breakup periods. I was okay with knowing that they, the "ex-files" [SATC reference] if you will, existed, I just don't want to bring them back to memory and talk about them. I hadn't divulged anything about my past relationships, and I was planning on keeping it that way. Finally after another one of Miguel's disastrous relationship stories I decided to talk about the Eddie/Tyler situation. I told him about how I cheated, and got so blatantly caught that it could have been taken straight from a made for TV movie starring Tracy Gold as the anorexic cheating girlfriend with no self esteem. He laughed and sort of started to change the subject, I was more than fine with that.
He then asked me if I remembered the time I asked him to buy me beer. Apparently, according to him, he was grocery shopping one night and I walked into HEB and saw him (I was with Jason and JRC, two people that he really doesn't like) and I asked him to buy me alcohol. He said he told me no and I replied with "well fuck you then" and walked away. I don't remember this AT ALL. He said for one, I was so drunk that there was no way I was in any need of more alcohol, and also he really hates Jason and JRC, and he wasn't about to buy for them. At that moment in time, I felt so small. I felt so dumb. I felt so, just wrong.
That feeling left me with a sick feeling. Then it hit me; I hate not being in control. I hate being the one that someone is responsible for, that someone has to help out and be expected to tell what is right and wrong in a situation where I am not able to make that decision on my own. I have to be the mother figure; it's the only thing that feels right. That is why I insist on dating these needy guys. I like taking care of people. I like helping them. It's what I do. It is my purpose in life; I'm Mother Fucking Theresa, except for I drink, I have sex, I swear, I sin, and so forth and whatnot.
My office suffers from the "Six Degrees of Separation Syndrome". Everyone is connected is some weird twisted way. Here are my connections to date [side note: I've worked here since October 2003]:
1. Buz Garry, a shareholder in the firm, is a man I've known since I was 5ish or so. His daughter and I went through 12 years of school, reports, sleepovers, projects, and friendship together.
2. Richard South, who I recently started to work with, is involved in boy scouts. He mentioned calling Frank Scofield one day and coordinating something. When he went to give me his number I was able to reply with "I have that number in my phone". Frank is a family friend, his kids and I used to play together when we were little, and still got to hang out once in a while. I've known him all my life.
3. Evelyn Garnett, a legal assistant in the firm was in a group of us that went to lunch today. We started talking about what we were doing for the weekend and whatnot, and I mentioned that I was sure it would be a quiet weekend compared to last Friday, because last Friday I was in a car wreck and my boyfriend broke his toe and blah blah blah. She stops me says that something is too similar to a situation she has been hearing about. She asks, "Do you know Jimmy and Deny?" I of course tell her yes, that I am over at their house all the time. She then tells me "Deny is my daughter. She's been asking me for legal advice about last weekend, you were the girlfriend she was talking to when I was on the phone with her." So weird! We then went into talking about all of these things we both knew about and our opinions on them and she's already come by my desk like 3 times to talk, and we've never really talked before.
I wonder what degree of separation I will get to see next month.
Tonight I am going to my sister's house, partially to give her back her DVD so she doesn't bust a cap in my ass for borrowing it for too long, and also to hang out with her and the kids. Miguel is coming with me, he just doesn’t know this yet.