I need a holiday
I feel like I'm losing at the game of protecting those I'm close to...
I'm letting everyone down, my best friend in particular.
I should have just chained her to the apartment... created a human sized hamster ball... I'm just worried, I'm worried she'll end up hitting rock bottom and I won't be able to save her. I haven't been doing a very good job lately. I yelled, I was furious. I don't understand. Now I'm afraid we won't talk for weeks or it will always be awkward. I don't want to lose my best friend over a fucker. We survived my own personal douche bag, we can survive this??? That's what I keep telling myself...
I need to get away. I know I sound like a broken record, but this town... all my stresses... they're getting to me. I've been getting stomach aches at least once a day. I've been pushing through them, I've told Niki since day one and just mentioned it to CJ today... I feel like it makes me weak... What's stressing me out so much????? I mean, I know I've been freaking out about some things, but I don't feel like it's any more than what everyone else deals with... Nothing out of control.
I'm scared to end up like I was in high school: a broken, beat down mess... Depressed, stressed... Struggling to find something to fill a bottomless void... But nothing is going on now to compare to what I was going through then, so what's wrong with me? I'm not depressed, I don't think... I push myself through the times I just want to stay home, curled up in bed, alone... which is a great sign. I go out, I have fun, I smile, I laugh, I seem to be normal... as normal as anyone could be. So I should be fine. No worries.
I just need a holiday.
I'm letting everyone down, my best friend in particular.
I should have just chained her to the apartment... created a human sized hamster ball... I'm just worried, I'm worried she'll end up hitting rock bottom and I won't be able to save her. I haven't been doing a very good job lately. I yelled, I was furious. I don't understand. Now I'm afraid we won't talk for weeks or it will always be awkward. I don't want to lose my best friend over a fucker. We survived my own personal douche bag, we can survive this??? That's what I keep telling myself...
I need to get away. I know I sound like a broken record, but this town... all my stresses... they're getting to me. I've been getting stomach aches at least once a day. I've been pushing through them, I've told Niki since day one and just mentioned it to CJ today... I feel like it makes me weak... What's stressing me out so much????? I mean, I know I've been freaking out about some things, but I don't feel like it's any more than what everyone else deals with... Nothing out of control.
I'm scared to end up like I was in high school: a broken, beat down mess... Depressed, stressed... Struggling to find something to fill a bottomless void... But nothing is going on now to compare to what I was going through then, so what's wrong with me? I'm not depressed, I don't think... I push myself through the times I just want to stay home, curled up in bed, alone... which is a great sign. I go out, I have fun, I smile, I laugh, I seem to be normal... as normal as anyone could be. So I should be fine. No worries.
I just need a holiday.