BULL MUTHA FUCKIN SHIT
Ok since we're back in 5th grade I'll stoop to the level of "fighting" through livejournal.
I WAS A FUCKING MESS LAST NIGHT! why you may ask? well my supposed best friend was argueing with my other two roommates who i also care about A LOT. i'm the kind of chick that loves every1 and cares about people a lot. So my "friend" attacks my other 2 aptmates and starts a screaming match trash talking them and shit. so here i am in the middle of it shaking, crying, choking on my own breath... and i'm not saying a word... i choked back all my emotions and listened to them fight... finally i snapped and started screaming i can't take this shit anymore. i love each and every1 of my roomies and i can't live like this anymore. not to mention earlier in the day i puked in a walmart bathroom because i was so stressed. so then i crawl back onto aimees bed, not talking to any1 and drank a beer. i just sat there and cried. i took like 5 advil and eventually asked aimee to go outside with me. we kinda talked it off. we talked about shane and matt because through it all those two people actually make me happy. we never talked about the situation because obviously i wasn't in the right state of mind. i went downstairs with the boys and watched them play mario and then i went upstairs and passed out. i tried to talk to my roomie and she basically ignored me. so i just fell asleep.
the next morning, my aptmate tells me to read my roomies lj post. basically she called me a shitty friend because i didn't talk to her right after the fight. 1. i was depressed and crying my brains out. 2. NO1 WAS IN THE FUCKING RIGHT STATE OF MIND!. 3. i needed to get away from everything... the day, the stress, the drama. I was bashed for no reason at all. I didn't choose a side. i retreated BACK TO MY OTHER APTMATES BED BECAUSE I WAS WATCHING TV ORIGINALLY WITH THEM EVEN BEFORE THE FIGHT. i'm apparently the asshole because i care about more than 1 person in my life. last time i checked i have been accused of being too nice and caring too much about people. I'm a loud outgoing person. I always have a smile on my face... but deep inside is a tormented soul. and i hide my shit away from the world because no1 needs to here my shit and bear the weight of my regrets and faults. I'm the kind of person that cares so much about people I'll listen to them and give advice and hold them til they feel better and not give a shit about myself. Some say thats a character flaw and I should let things out... but thats not me... i don't want to bother people with my problems... you know itz like i'm looking out for every1 around me because i never want any1 to feel sad... and my life is one big fucking sad story...
Back to the situation at hand... When I woke up this morning my roomie walked by me and din't look at me, say a word, or smile. She walked by me aqnd went into the room and slammed the door. thats when i knew this shit went to far. i have no reason to appoligize. i DID NOTHING WRONG BESIDES STAY OUT OF A SITUATION THAT I WASN'T A PART OF IN THE FIRST PLACE! I don't care if you hate every1 in teh fucking world that has hurt you but i didn't even do that but avoid a situation that i wasn't involved in.
So now she has decided to move out, and I'm not gunna stop her. the line is drawn when you start trashing me and accusing me of being a horrible friend. i know damn well i'm a fucking amazing friend. 99% of the people i know agree with that statement. but if you wnat to walk away from a situation without talking to me at all and end what used to be an amazing friendship then fuck it. fuck me. fuck life. and MAJOR FUCK YOU.
this is me walking away. this is me bearing my heart and soul. this is me dripping tears onto a keyboard i do not call my own. this is me so fucking utterly depressed i honestly wish i was fucking dead. this is me baby... this is me.
Carzy
I WAS A FUCKING MESS LAST NIGHT! why you may ask? well my supposed best friend was argueing with my other two roommates who i also care about A LOT. i'm the kind of chick that loves every1 and cares about people a lot. So my "friend" attacks my other 2 aptmates and starts a screaming match trash talking them and shit. so here i am in the middle of it shaking, crying, choking on my own breath... and i'm not saying a word... i choked back all my emotions and listened to them fight... finally i snapped and started screaming i can't take this shit anymore. i love each and every1 of my roomies and i can't live like this anymore. not to mention earlier in the day i puked in a walmart bathroom because i was so stressed. so then i crawl back onto aimees bed, not talking to any1 and drank a beer. i just sat there and cried. i took like 5 advil and eventually asked aimee to go outside with me. we kinda talked it off. we talked about shane and matt because through it all those two people actually make me happy. we never talked about the situation because obviously i wasn't in the right state of mind. i went downstairs with the boys and watched them play mario and then i went upstairs and passed out. i tried to talk to my roomie and she basically ignored me. so i just fell asleep.
the next morning, my aptmate tells me to read my roomies lj post. basically she called me a shitty friend because i didn't talk to her right after the fight. 1. i was depressed and crying my brains out. 2. NO1 WAS IN THE FUCKING RIGHT STATE OF MIND!. 3. i needed to get away from everything... the day, the stress, the drama. I was bashed for no reason at all. I didn't choose a side. i retreated BACK TO MY OTHER APTMATES BED BECAUSE I WAS WATCHING TV ORIGINALLY WITH THEM EVEN BEFORE THE FIGHT. i'm apparently the asshole because i care about more than 1 person in my life. last time i checked i have been accused of being too nice and caring too much about people. I'm a loud outgoing person. I always have a smile on my face... but deep inside is a tormented soul. and i hide my shit away from the world because no1 needs to here my shit and bear the weight of my regrets and faults. I'm the kind of person that cares so much about people I'll listen to them and give advice and hold them til they feel better and not give a shit about myself. Some say thats a character flaw and I should let things out... but thats not me... i don't want to bother people with my problems... you know itz like i'm looking out for every1 around me because i never want any1 to feel sad... and my life is one big fucking sad story...
Back to the situation at hand... When I woke up this morning my roomie walked by me and din't look at me, say a word, or smile. She walked by me aqnd went into the room and slammed the door. thats when i knew this shit went to far. i have no reason to appoligize. i DID NOTHING WRONG BESIDES STAY OUT OF A SITUATION THAT I WASN'T A PART OF IN THE FIRST PLACE! I don't care if you hate every1 in teh fucking world that has hurt you but i didn't even do that but avoid a situation that i wasn't involved in.
So now she has decided to move out, and I'm not gunna stop her. the line is drawn when you start trashing me and accusing me of being a horrible friend. i know damn well i'm a fucking amazing friend. 99% of the people i know agree with that statement. but if you wnat to walk away from a situation without talking to me at all and end what used to be an amazing friendship then fuck it. fuck me. fuck life. and MAJOR FUCK YOU.
this is me walking away. this is me bearing my heart and soul. this is me dripping tears onto a keyboard i do not call my own. this is me so fucking utterly depressed i honestly wish i was fucking dead. this is me baby... this is me.
Carzy