Long overdue (Shellac - Steady As She Goes, Dashboard Confessional - Screaming Infidelities)
So as far as a life update goes I don't have much to update with. Mostly I have been exploring bands and music as much as I possibly can while searching for a new job. The oddest feeling was shaving off the goatee I have had for the past... lord knows how long at this point. I realize two things after I did this; first I am always going to have the annoying term "babyface" associated with my face and second, I look a little better and not too worse for the wear I have put my body through this past year. Lots of drinking, partying, self examination and reflection kept me from losing it all upon some cheap rope, but thinking about the things that I might have missed because I kept trying to just be me again and to focus on being happy with out someone by my side constantly makes me question if it all would end up being truly worth the trouble at the end of the day. I come home to an empty bed, but I don't really miss a warm body next to mine anymore. I have the time to see where I want to go and explore outwards with out the pressure of someone to make me some one dimensional creature in their head, someone who is defined by a mere word or two. The time to expand from the alternative alt rock boy to the just plain musically obsessed freak that I am. I try to learn guitar, play it badly, lift, try to be in better shape than I ever have been, smoke some, drink less and more, yearn to learn more than I have ever bothered to learn before, walk every day, push myself in every way to be a normal person and to see beyond my own selfish desires to get stuff for me done and to push others into thinking critically about their surroundings. Things like, the war can't end, but as long as we are in it and the budget can't take it we can't just pull out either, this isn't the frat boy method to war (though the guy that got us into this mess is dumber than the average nutsack.. I mean halfback). I'm not over there and those boys did volunteer, so Johnny got his gun and his college pension, which you paid for, what else can I say? I don't agree with the reasons that are given for being over there, but with the unstability the United States has created puts it in the position of rebuilding some place that the majority of the public knows fuck all about. Then it boils down to who do we blame about not getting us out in time? I unno, I burned out on politics when I hear boths sides annoucing that they have a plan, but they won't tell the public what it is. I guess I always expected more from everyone, but that never really happens. All I can do is be selfish and go after what I want no matter the cost, like a good old fashioned american boy should. Yeah, I'm a bit bitter, but at least it wasn't the coffee tonight.