when i cry, there is no love. no, there is nothing that can comfort me enough

[punkboy17ca]

i do believe that i'm becoming a paranoid, agoraphobic recluse who is afraid of life and is shunning society.
i can't seem to find the courage, energy, desire or strength to do anything.

i keep thinking about my life, and the events that have happened
and how i wish they had turned out differently
or how i should have acted differently to have the outcome that i wanted
every shitty occurence in my life is solely my fault because i'm afraid

i want to fall in love
yet i'm too afraid to let anyone in
because they'll only hate what they see in me
i've been told that you can't love someone else until you love yourself
how can i love myself when i hate everything i am?
i can't give my heart to someone because who would want a pile of broken shards?

i'm failing to see the point of all this
this life
going nowhere fast

i wish i didn't feel so much
i would gladly give up feeling anything good in order to not feel this pain anymore