positivism
for many years, i was surrounded by negative thoughts. i would only write about negativity, to work myself through it. reporting bad news but never good. mostly self-deprecating, complainy, critical of myself, of others and of situations. with an audience or none at all, i realize now, that nobody wants to read about negativity. not even i. i believe we all need some postivity in our lives, in this world. however it may come.
a way to do this, is whenever i feel i "deserve" respect and to be treated with a certain standard, all i need to do is take a step back... and be more grateful for everything; of the car i drive, the root beer floats i have the ability to pay for, a bed to sleep in, taking a walk with a friend, running water, my hands and what they are able to create, and every breath.
i always knew this theory of making things simpler, but i wasn't really applying it in my life.
i've also grown more appreciative of my relationships. i've let go of grudges. of rights and wrongs. things that would make me angry and sad, don't anymore. i am appreciative of all who take their time to converse with me, give me their light of day, a helping hand. and if they don't, it's perfectly okay. there are far more important things in life. we all shift priorities. so do i. when the world doesn't revolve so much around me (even though sometimes i should put myself first), i am more lifted. i'm learning to be better, for myself. i'm learning to be better, for others. this doesn't always mean more. sometimes people need support, sometimes they don't. it's not about me all the time. if they call on me, i will try my best to help. if they don't, maybe that's best for them and i shouldn't feel rejected. "you can't force people to change, or solve their problems for them, they have to be willing" someone wise told me once. i suppose, it's like quitting smoking for some people, they will only when they are ready to.
one thing that keeps me in focus, is happiness. at the end of the day, i just want everyone, whether they are in my life or not, to be happy. if i remind myself of that outcome, then it makes me much happier too. this is a work in progress. :)
p.s. today, i am grateful for the pills that ease my gnawing back pain and for every drop of sunshine.