...but
...but that doesn't mean challenging days don't exist, stupid.
as i started my car and drove home with my windows still halfway fogged-up, i almost forgot to stop at the intersection for an oncoming car. when i reacted and braked, it felt as if i wouldn't have cared if i hadn't stopped. driving in tears is never a good thing. it was too heavy to handle eventually. i had to pull into a random side street. only five minutes. i just needed five, i thought to myself. to unleash. before i could continue on. to gather myself. to refuel. to face people. the street was named greenless. i pondered that. how fitting the feeling. greenless pastures. it was like servings of failure had plummeted into a dinner meeting, conspiring with each other to see how i could handle being force-fed everything, all at once. it tasted, broken. no matter how consistent i am in following my way of living, my rules, and my codes that promote what i believe are genuine and positive... no matter how hard i try, everything i've been putting forth are coming back... not good enough. still not, enough.
defeat, is not the best summary.
sadness, is.
and i am enveloped by it.
i feel ever so drained from myself.
i just dug out these new swimming goggles i bought years ago, that are actually the correct degrees for my eyes. i've been using a less strong pair since they haven’t broke yet, and i could still see through them.. good enough. tomorrow, i decide it’s time to ditch the old ones, and swim with the stronger better pair. in hopes the week ahead and everything else will too have a clearer view, from this point forward.
as i started my car and drove home with my windows still halfway fogged-up, i almost forgot to stop at the intersection for an oncoming car. when i reacted and braked, it felt as if i wouldn't have cared if i hadn't stopped. driving in tears is never a good thing. it was too heavy to handle eventually. i had to pull into a random side street. only five minutes. i just needed five, i thought to myself. to unleash. before i could continue on. to gather myself. to refuel. to face people. the street was named greenless. i pondered that. how fitting the feeling. greenless pastures. it was like servings of failure had plummeted into a dinner meeting, conspiring with each other to see how i could handle being force-fed everything, all at once. it tasted, broken. no matter how consistent i am in following my way of living, my rules, and my codes that promote what i believe are genuine and positive... no matter how hard i try, everything i've been putting forth are coming back... not good enough. still not, enough.
defeat, is not the best summary.
sadness, is.
and i am enveloped by it.
i feel ever so drained from myself.
i just dug out these new swimming goggles i bought years ago, that are actually the correct degrees for my eyes. i've been using a less strong pair since they haven’t broke yet, and i could still see through them.. good enough. tomorrow, i decide it’s time to ditch the old ones, and swim with the stronger better pair. in hopes the week ahead and everything else will too have a clearer view, from this point forward.