(no subject)
Sooo busy as of late. Uh, don't remember what I did Thursday...oh yeah, chilled at Sarah's for a bit cause we were uber bored. yup. Yesterday I went out to breakfast with Sarah B. which was really nice. I love my daughter. Then I went over to Arlen's for a while. which was mucho nice. It's nice havign relationships with my brothers, and having them as older mentors for me. That was really nice. Chill day. Today was awesomeness. First I woke up and went out to lunch with my dad. That was cool, a little awkward at times, cause I feel like things are a lot more strained again with him, especially with everything from the divorce, but it was still nice. It's good to hear and know that he'll actually be sad about me leaving, that he'll miss me. It's like he's my actual father...yup. Then picked up Olivia, went to starbucks and saw the notebook. we both cried during the movie, it's a chick flick but oh my god it's good. There were so many times that I thought about Marcus, and I actually started crying because of that. But I'll write more about that later. I drove her home, and we started crying again, because of not seeing eachother. I came in and talked to Kara and her mom some, which was cool. I think Ms. Kunst is the only parent who calls me Kari, lol. Anyhoo, and then I went out to dinner with Vish. The waiting list was killer, but it was good. Talked to him about all sorts of things. I'm gonna miss him so much. And Olivia too. I love them both so much, I don't know what I'm gonna do without them. I hate these slow goodbyes, one by one... Anyhoo, I've got so much packing to do, it's no even funny *sigh*
So, back to my thoughts ^ about Marcus. Obviously he will read this, but it's nothing I need to hide from him. Since the breakup, I've been very bitter about it, and towards him in general. Whenever I thought about him, I would feel contempt, feel like everything with him was fake, and question why I even cared about him. But there were certain things they said in this movie, stuff like that...I remembered how much I loved him. How he meant the world to me. How he'll always be my first love, and how much I miss him. How much I miss feeling him with me, kissing him just because I could, and telling him that I loved him. I thought about prom night, sleeping in his arms and saying I love you for the first time, and the night that I went over to his house and his mom fell asleep...it was so easy to forget all of that, to forget him, but I can't. Now I remember everything about him that made me happy, and how much pain I'm in because it's gone. Even though it would be over by this point anyways...I guess I just wish I could've seen him one more time, felt love one more time. I hated watching the movie, knowing that their summer fling was so similar to what I had with Marcus. At least what I think I had with him. Watching the fact that they did everything for that love, whereas mine is over faster than it began...I cried twice because of him, because of the fact that I just didn't want it end like this, I didn't want him to give up. Now I cry because of the fact that as much as I wanna say I hate him, I don't...
So, back to my thoughts ^ about Marcus. Obviously he will read this, but it's nothing I need to hide from him. Since the breakup, I've been very bitter about it, and towards him in general. Whenever I thought about him, I would feel contempt, feel like everything with him was fake, and question why I even cared about him. But there were certain things they said in this movie, stuff like that...I remembered how much I loved him. How he meant the world to me. How he'll always be my first love, and how much I miss him. How much I miss feeling him with me, kissing him just because I could, and telling him that I loved him. I thought about prom night, sleeping in his arms and saying I love you for the first time, and the night that I went over to his house and his mom fell asleep...it was so easy to forget all of that, to forget him, but I can't. Now I remember everything about him that made me happy, and how much pain I'm in because it's gone. Even though it would be over by this point anyways...I guess I just wish I could've seen him one more time, felt love one more time. I hated watching the movie, knowing that their summer fling was so similar to what I had with Marcus. At least what I think I had with him. Watching the fact that they did everything for that love, whereas mine is over faster than it began...I cried twice because of him, because of the fact that I just didn't want it end like this, I didn't want him to give up. Now I cry because of the fact that as much as I wanna say I hate him, I don't...