in the looking glass
yesterday i stuck around after classes to chill w/ chester while he was working the desk. he roped me into helping out with decorating the flags for the capture the flag game that night. it was fusz against marguerite and each dorm has three flags. you have to find the other dorms flags which are scattered all over campus, and then you win. i decorated two of them and forced chester to do the other. (it was so cute-kindergarten version of a large foot stomping the marguerite building). he was so helpless thru the whole thing. i had to help him. thank goodness i was there. =) only kidding. anyway, mine said, "fusz rules (your Marguerite's mom) and the other was a cartoony scene: a huge hip fusz man w/ a ray gun shooting at a spaceship w/ a martian in it that said "the margueritians." then under it it says "you are no match for the fuszionators. i was so proud of it. i hope it's still around. i want to keep it. (as a suvenieer? no b/c i'm a dork and didnt stay for the game)
about that: i got really moopy and sad around 6pm after we were done decorating and i decided to go home. i didnt want to. i wanted to stay for the game, especially b/c cool people were playing like steve, jon, (and for all i know he could be expelled by next week-i should hang out w/ him as much as i can) chester, erica, etc. but i think i'm just in this stupid mood and i'm trying to isolate myself and just be even more miserable. why am i doing that? adam was being an ass to me again which i think is what set off my delicate switch but it wasn't just him. chester was sad i left and i wish he had talked me into staying. oh well. it's not his fault i'm being dumb.
i just keep thinking about the fun that i could have had but intentionally passed up last night. i could have flirted with steve, hung out w/ my friends, made new friends, just been silly, and maybe even get out of the funk ive been in. there are alternate universes out there where laurens are happy and closer with her friends. the possibilities are endless. am i the only one who didnt go to the game? all the other laurens are smarter i'm sure. i bitch about how hard it is socially by living at home but when i have the chance to do something about it i avoid it.
so instead of staying and having fun, i walk the 20 minute walk to the parking garage on the other side of campus. its such a lonely walk when it's dark out. i think about gloomy things and i walk to my car too often. ive just been feeling lonely lately. and i know it sounds dumb b/c i have had all these infatuations lately but there comes a time when they just get annoying b/c they never go anywhere. they're not real. i realized yesterday that i'm trying to drown my sorrows in the refrigerator. its so weird. i never do this. but i've seriously been eating to no end. i'm gonna become a fat cow and that's not gonna help anything.
i ran into steve yesterday and we talked a little bit but i cant even find the energy to pursue him anymore. im just pessimistic about the whole thing. how do i de-funkify myself? i hate feeling like this.
about that: i got really moopy and sad around 6pm after we were done decorating and i decided to go home. i didnt want to. i wanted to stay for the game, especially b/c cool people were playing like steve, jon, (and for all i know he could be expelled by next week-i should hang out w/ him as much as i can) chester, erica, etc. but i think i'm just in this stupid mood and i'm trying to isolate myself and just be even more miserable. why am i doing that? adam was being an ass to me again which i think is what set off my delicate switch but it wasn't just him. chester was sad i left and i wish he had talked me into staying. oh well. it's not his fault i'm being dumb.
i just keep thinking about the fun that i could have had but intentionally passed up last night. i could have flirted with steve, hung out w/ my friends, made new friends, just been silly, and maybe even get out of the funk ive been in. there are alternate universes out there where laurens are happy and closer with her friends. the possibilities are endless. am i the only one who didnt go to the game? all the other laurens are smarter i'm sure. i bitch about how hard it is socially by living at home but when i have the chance to do something about it i avoid it.
so instead of staying and having fun, i walk the 20 minute walk to the parking garage on the other side of campus. its such a lonely walk when it's dark out. i think about gloomy things and i walk to my car too often. ive just been feeling lonely lately. and i know it sounds dumb b/c i have had all these infatuations lately but there comes a time when they just get annoying b/c they never go anywhere. they're not real. i realized yesterday that i'm trying to drown my sorrows in the refrigerator. its so weird. i never do this. but i've seriously been eating to no end. i'm gonna become a fat cow and that's not gonna help anything.
i ran into steve yesterday and we talked a little bit but i cant even find the energy to pursue him anymore. im just pessimistic about the whole thing. how do i de-funkify myself? i hate feeling like this.