(no subject)
Truths:
I don't really think about you much anymore, which is more or less a relief. I wish that I had you as a friend again, but I haven't had that for quite some time, so I don't feel a huge loss, really. I just want to wait until we are different people, then maybe we can start over again and have barbecues and make dirty jokes and be young some more.
I wish that you would love me like you said you did. I guess it's fine that you don't, and that you didn't, but you shouldn't have pretended. Sometimes I think that you did, at least a little bit. I have been thinking about you a lot; I miss talking to you every day. I thought about calling, but I know that I should wait. So, I wait. I hope that she's everything you've been wishing she would be for the past seven years.
Sometimes I wish that I had never met you. I don't want to know you. I don't want to undo the damage that you've done. I don't want to make you feel better about shit that I don't care about, that you did to yourself. I don't want your phone calls, your text messages, your e-mails. I don't want my name to leave your mouth any more than it has. You wonder why I never wanted to talk to you - it's hard to have a conversation with someone when you have to censor yourself to the point where you can assume that everything you say will get back to all of your mutual friends.
You're just an idiot. Don't send me sad-ass text messages in the middle of the night telling me how much you love me, and how you're sorry. You're not fucking sorry, so quit throwing the word around like it's free. You have to pay for it. And you pay for it by actually being sorry, by really caring about a person, and by taking time out of your selfish life to make someone feel important, or at the very least to make someone's shitty day a little less shitty. Take your money, and your drugs, your drug addict friends, the adorable case of alcoholism that you're forming, your dumb-ass girlfriends, your borderline retarded roommates, the girls you pay for lapdances/handjobs/blowjobs, your jail record (past and future), your love for having sex with girls that are too high to say no, your fucked up past and fucked up future, and keep it far from me. You've done nothing over the past year and a half but bring me down and make me wonder when I became so retarded.
I hope you're everything I think you are.
I don't really think about you much anymore, which is more or less a relief. I wish that I had you as a friend again, but I haven't had that for quite some time, so I don't feel a huge loss, really. I just want to wait until we are different people, then maybe we can start over again and have barbecues and make dirty jokes and be young some more.
I wish that you would love me like you said you did. I guess it's fine that you don't, and that you didn't, but you shouldn't have pretended. Sometimes I think that you did, at least a little bit. I have been thinking about you a lot; I miss talking to you every day. I thought about calling, but I know that I should wait. So, I wait. I hope that she's everything you've been wishing she would be for the past seven years.
Sometimes I wish that I had never met you. I don't want to know you. I don't want to undo the damage that you've done. I don't want to make you feel better about shit that I don't care about, that you did to yourself. I don't want your phone calls, your text messages, your e-mails. I don't want my name to leave your mouth any more than it has. You wonder why I never wanted to talk to you - it's hard to have a conversation with someone when you have to censor yourself to the point where you can assume that everything you say will get back to all of your mutual friends.
You're just an idiot. Don't send me sad-ass text messages in the middle of the night telling me how much you love me, and how you're sorry. You're not fucking sorry, so quit throwing the word around like it's free. You have to pay for it. And you pay for it by actually being sorry, by really caring about a person, and by taking time out of your selfish life to make someone feel important, or at the very least to make someone's shitty day a little less shitty. Take your money, and your drugs, your drug addict friends, the adorable case of alcoholism that you're forming, your dumb-ass girlfriends, your borderline retarded roommates, the girls you pay for lapdances/handjobs/blowjobs, your jail record (past and future), your love for having sex with girls that are too high to say no, your fucked up past and fucked up future, and keep it far from me. You've done nothing over the past year and a half but bring me down and make me wonder when I became so retarded.
I hope you're everything I think you are.