(no subject)
so, i like him. alot. i know i do. dont want to admit it. but i do. argh! life isnt fair. and now? what now? i dont even know. i cant tell him. normally, i would. but this time its complicated. too many risks involved. that aaand i know some of my friends would never let me live it down. its retarded. so he likes me. i know he does. he told me. it seems ive been getting alot of attention lately. attention ive been wanting for the past few months. I'm sick of being hurt by the same guy. but now..alot of guys just want to hook up with me. and nothing more. so what? i dont hook up with 8 different guys in 1 week. no. i dont hook up with 2 guys in 1 week. usually..i dont even hook up with 1. because i have bad luck. but in the past 2 weeks..i have (starting from the begining) kissed Jeff at the lock-in. i mean not just because. i realy really liked him. and he said he liked me too then i heard yet another...but..ashley. so that was done. then he decides he made a mistake and he should have stayed with me instead of hurting me again and going back to ashley. well i definatly agree. because i would never hurt him like she did. i couldnt. but i cant say that. it makes me sound..selfish? i dont know. so i didnt say anything. but then hes like i effed up my chance didnt i? and me..god sometimes i think im cornered on purpose like that. so me being me said no. but im really thinking how can i trust you again with a 3rd chance? but its okay, because we decided on just being friends. am i too nice? i dont know. then this weekend i went to the movies and i was flirting and holding hands and laying on this one guy. okay. first of all..people who know me know i never make the first move unless thing go way too slow with a guy i like. well this guy just grabbed my hand and he would lay his head on my shoulder and he would rub my arm and joke around and flirt with me so i flirted back and held his hand and layed on his shoulder too. but, i dont like him. he doesnt like me. so its all good. just a random movie thing i guess. then i found out that one of my friends likes me. he calls all the time now. like 8 times a day. and when i went to the mall with some friends...he came and was tickling me and flirting and he tried to grab my hand. i didnt let him. i put my purse in that hand. he gave up. so yeah. he followed me everywhere. i dont know. maybe i like him??? not sure. not sure. not sure at all! my life is too confusing. way too confusing. so i like him. i know i do. if i didnt i would be praying for my phone to ring. so nobody has to know i like him. this is just to weird for me. too many situations i have to think about. but i want my phone to ring so effing bad. argh! well its not. not now anyways. i hope it does though. i dont know. this is too complicated. im out. later. <333 Emily